Really Down On Myself
I am going to talk to my therapist before I decide whether or not to find a new one. Hopefully that was a one time thing and won't happen again.
WLS 10/28/2002 Revision 7/23/2010
High Weight (2002) 240 Revision Weight (2010) 220 Current Weight 115.
Studies have shown that exercise is as effective as drugs with depression so stay on the bike when you can. Decide about the theropist and if you are going to give her another shot, be honest. If she can't deal with it, find a new one. You need someone who will listen and be helpful, not someone who is more into their own lives.
I bet is that school will be ok and will at least get you out in the world again. Just having a schedule and times when things have to be done will be helpful.
And for the bright side, you have maintained and not continued to lose and you have quit smoking. Those are great accomplishments. And we are here for you to whine anytime.
66 yrs young, 4'11" hw 220, goal 120 met at 12 months, cw 129 learning Maintainance
Between 35-40 BMI? join us on the Lightweight board. the Lightweight Board
I just have been struggling with depression and wanting to isolate. I am just not connecting with anyone anymore. I don't even have any friends anymore. My best friend moved in with a guy and I never hear from her anymore.
I used to be so social and friendly and outgoing and now I feel like a different person. Even when I was overweight I had a lot of friends and did a lot of things. Now I force myself to get dressed and do things to be around people but I still hang back and don't take part in things.
I went to a New Years party yesterday and while I knew a few people I didn't really talk to anyone. I feel like I don't have anything to talk about.
I am stressing about going back to school and worrying that I can't learn anymore because my memory has gotten so bad.
I finally found a counselor and I really thought it was going to work out until I saw her last week and she feel asleep while I was talking! I am not lying, she really feel asleep, after telling me all about her night with her daughter and how they stayed up all night talking and then she asked me a question and while I was answering it I looked at her and she was asleep.
I know it's bad when I know more about her then she does about me. I haven't decided if I want to see her again or try, again, to find someone else. If I do see her again I will tell her how I feel about her falling asleep and make sure she understands that it really bothered me.
I did ride my bike today. I forced myself to because it did help my depression when I was riding regularly. I am going to try to ride as much as I can weather permitting. I wish I could afford a gym so I could exercise in bad weather.
My doctor put me on a new medicine. Actually, it's not a medicine, it's a medical food. It is supposed to help the antidepressant work. And it is really expensive. I can't really afford it but I am so desperate to feel better that I bought some and if it helps I will find a way to keep taking it. Of course insurance doesn't cover it.
I am frustrated that I'm not gaining weight. I am staying right around 100 lbs. I keep adding things. I feel like all I do is eat and I'm not even hungry. I keep telling myself that any day now I will start gaining.
Sorry about the whining. I just felt the need to vent and everyone here is so supportive, it feels safe to talk about these things.
Now, let's take a look at what you wrote...first thing that stuck out was memory...labs lately? Some deficiencies cause memory issues.
Your depression...SAD? Seasonal Affective Disorder Oh and find a new therapist if you can. Falling asleep during a session is unprofessional...or at least tell her you do not expect to be billed for that session as she fell asleep.
Keep the bike riding up whenever you can...totally understand the lack of funds...our gym membership expires in 3 days and it just NOT in the budget to renew it.
But know we have your back...
Liz
Duodenal Switch (Lap) 01-24-11 | Surgeon: Stephen Boyce | High weight: 250 in 2002 | Surgery weight: 203 | Lowest weight: 121 | Current weight: 135 | Goal weight: 135
It is so hard to be positive when depressed. You have been through a lot this past year and I know it can be difficult to NOT focus on the struggles. I can completely understand being frustrated with your therapist....you will figure out if you can trust her....one bad day is one thing BUT if she continues to talk all the time you know that isn't good. I am praying that the new supplement works....you may want to talk with your physician if the depression continues. I know that you are frustrated with the lack of weight gain.....this is sooo understandable BUT you are maintaining now (one positive) and you have stopped smoking (HUGE positive which also me be impacting your mood since this helped with coping). Hang in there....give school a try....you are a SURVIVOR!!!!!! You are SMART and you are a gift to many.
Blessings....
Jennifer
WLS 10/28/2002 Revision 7/23/2010
High Weight (2002) 240 Revision Weight (2010) 220 Current Weight 115.
OH TAZZ..PLEASE DON'T EVER APOLOGIZE FOR "WHINING" TO US! ALOT OF US UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU HAVE BEING GOING THROUGH. YOU'VE BEEN ON A ROUGH ROAD BUT JUST MAINTAINING IS A BIG STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION FOR YOU. REACHING OUT FOR HELP AND RIDING YOUR BIKE ARE GOOD SIGNS TOO.
I HAD SOME DEPRESSION AT THE BEGINNING BUT MY DD HAS SUFFERED WITH DEPRESSION FOR YEARS AND I KNOW IT TAKES THE RIGHT COMBINATION OF MEDS AND A GOOD THERAPIST TO HELP YOU GET BACK TO SOME KIND OF "NORMALCY". WAS YOUR THERAPIST AWARE SHE FELL ASLEEP AND WAS SHE APOLOGETIC? I DEFINITELY WOULDN'T PAY FOR THAT SESSION AND I'D MAKE HER AWARE OF WHY. ONLY YOU CAN DECIDE IF YOU THINK IT WILL WORK WITH HER OR IF YOU NEED TO GET SOMEONE NEW. SOMETIMES THERAPISTS SHARE SO THAT YOU FEEL RELAXED WITH THEM AND EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT A GOOD EXCUSE SHE PROBABLY WAS TIRED AND HOPEFULLY IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I FEEL LIKE I HAVE FAR LESS FRIENDS NOW AND I SELDOM TALK WHEN WE ARE OUT. I USE TO FEEL LIKE I HAD TO BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY AND REACH OUT TO PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T REACH OUT TO ME OR LIKE ME BECAUSE I WAS FAT BUT NOW I'M PRETTY QUIET MOST OF THE TIME. I MISS HAVING FRIENDS TOO. EVEN MY DD SELDOM GOES SHOPPING WITH ME BECAUSE I ACTUALLY BUY MYSELF THINGS AND NOT HER...LOL. WLS HAS CHANGED MY LIFE IN SO MANY WAYS.
BEFORE I HAD SURGERY I HAD LOST MY JOB AND DECIDED TO STAY HOME WITH MY 2 NEWBORN GRANDCHILDREN. AFTER SURGERY I HAD TROUBLE WITH MY MEMORY WHEN I GOT TO GOAL AND IT WAS REALLY SCAREY BUT ONCE I STARTED WORKING AGAIN IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG FOR MY MEMORY TO SHARPEN UP AGAIN. I THINK ONCE YOU START BACK TO SCHOOL AND HAVE STUDIES TO DO YOUR MEMORY WILL COME BACK AND MAYBE EVEN SOME OF THE DEPRESSION WILL LESSEN. PRICE WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOUR LABS. HAVE YOU HAD THEM TAKEN LATELY. I'M SURE GINA COULD TELL YOU WHAT VITAMINS OR FOODS ARE BEST FOR MEMORY BUT IT'S PROBABLY PRETTY EASY TO FIND ON THE NET TOO.
AS FAR AS THE EX GOES....HE PROBABLY ISN'T WORTH WORRYING ABOUT OR HE WOULDN'T BE AN EX BUT I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. WHEN I WAS AT MY LOW AND FRIENDS WOULD SEE ME AND ASK ME IF I WAS SICK IT WAS UPSETTING. SO MANY ASKED ME THAT I STARTED BELIEVING IT AND TRIED TO MAINTAIN INSTEAD OF LOSING ALL I COULD. THE DIFFERENCE WITH US IS THAT I REGRET SWITCHING TO MAINTENANCE AND YOU ARE TRYING DESPARATELY TO FEEL HEALTHY AGAIN.
HEY...MAYBE I SHOULD BE A THERAPIST...I JUST TALKED A LOT ABOUT MYSELF....LOL I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE UNDERSTAND AND WE CARE ABOUT YOU! THINGS WILL GET BETTER AND I'M GLAD YOU ARE REACHING OUT TO US!!!!
I WISH I COULD GIVE YOU A BIG (((HUG))) TAZZ!
Roz
God is walking with me every step of the way. Because of HIM this is possible!!
RNY 10/15/2008 9+ Years!!! Height: 4' 11" HW: 203 SW: 197 CW: 119 on Maintenance
