just wondering
My name's Chrys. I'm 22 years old. I am having RNY next Monday. Most of the people I have talked to about this surgery are older (like 40's/50's) . So I would really LOVE to have people my age to talk to. Regarding friends, outings, etc. My major thing right now is I was wondering if anyone had any friends that were not very supportive about the WLS. I have not told too many people, just my personal thing, but one person I have been discussing this with is seeming to get a little huffy when we talk about it, then the next minute she's excited with me. I am just so damn confused! And the closer to surgery I get, the more .... weird they have become(i guess that's the right word _weird_). Anyone experience this? Please let me know!!!!!!
actually, i have had a huge problem with this. I was never shy about the fact that i was having gastric bypass. it never occured to me that my friends and or family would be anything but happy for me. I am a little over one month out right now, and had a friend that acted the same way. she was excited for me, but at the same time, she would say things like, well, surgery is just a cop out, you should just get your fat ass on a treadmill. now, i know its because she has NO CLUE what i am going through (she is fat too, but i mean with the wls thing). most people dont understand that this is only a tool, that there is no way to know how it feels unless you do it. my sister is incredibly jealous, and is honest about it. another friend is wishing it could be her to lose her weight, but told me from the start that she was going to be a little uncomfortable. i think the easiest way to deal with it, especially considering the changes that will occur even in the first month, is to be honest with the people you choose to tell. if your friend is heavy, let him or her know that this isnt going to change the fact that you love them and you are friends. When you meet with your psych (which i assume you will be doing more than just once) bring up the relationship issues. i know that for me, it was a huge fear. my stepdad, who i am very close to, has not been happy with my decision. and i have decided that this choice was for me. so remember that if you lose a friend for a while they will come back. a friendship is too precious to lose over a few pounds.....i know the friends who avoid me will be there later, when they are ready...and in the meantime, im getting into the real world, and loving every minute!
Hey Chrys! Yes, this is familiar! I have a freind that still says you could have still done it own your own, I don't to hear you say you had to have surgery! Now she is 5'11 and 131! So what does she know? But the thing is, we are still friends, I let her know how those statments effect me and if the conversation goes in that direction I just shut it down! Hope that helps~ Holli
I chose to only tell a few people about the surgery. I am a lightweight and at the time of surgery had 100lbs to lose. I knew I would lose slower since I have less to lose so it wouldnt be as dramatic to those around me. Mostly everybody was supportive except for one person. At first she was very offstandish and starting treating me different. After a while she was more accepting. After surgery she would say snide remarks like "you cant eat that!" or "oh yah youll only eat like one bite!". I actucally eat pretty normally. At my new job not one person knows I had surgery - I eat lunch with a large group and nobody seems to think what I eat or how I eat is any different than themselves... only comment I get is "you eat healthy!" I had to talk to my friend and tell her that I didnt need her to police what I ate and yes I may eat less now and then but I still didnt need the comments. She has been better since then. I still find that when I do get complimented on how I look she does get a little catty. I had somebody the other nite not recognize me and I was marveling at that fact and she said "well you lost a ton of weight"... well I lost about 40lbs since I had seen that person last - I had also not seen them in months and months. She herself is losing weight (via dietpills) so I think she gets jealous that I am at the point now where I am getting attention for my weightloss. I can understand the way she feels so I try not to let it bother me.
I just had my surgery and in the time leading up to it, I most certainly was not shy about it. I'd have put it on a bill board if the oportunity came up. lol. But in regards to the "WEIRD" I know exactly what you are going through. My best friend even now that I am post op goes from supportive and congradulatory to disconnected and distant. She is no small girl herself and has her own weight challenges. She has also watched her mother fail on a gastric sleve. Her mom lost 80 and gained back 50 within 2 years total. I think the weird vibe is not directed at you. My friend keeps remarking on how she now needs to do something about her weight because she does not want to look bad next to me. It may just be your friends own insecurities in herself. Good Luck and remember THIS TIME IT'S FOR YOU AND NOBODY ELSE!
Hugs,
Krista
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