I cannot commit to anything...Therapy?
Hello WLS Friends...
I am very rarely on here, but I am so glad you all are here when I need you, and I need you now!
So, here's my data: 31 years old. Single mother of 3 sons ages 16, 12 and 9 (yikes!). I had WLS in 2003 - Starting Weight 306#... Plastic surgery in 2006, (tummy tuck, breast lift). Although I have come along way I am still 36 pounds from my goal... when I first had surgery, I got within 20 pounds of the goal, but over time, most of my bad habits have returned and the numbers on the scale have creeped back up about 16 pounds. As with everything else in my life I feel like a failure. I have not reached my goal because I cannot COMMIT to the changes I need to make to get there. Even though I've lost 100# I am not where I COULD be....
When I tell you I cannot commit, it isn't for lack of WANT. I want to exercise and eat better - I visualize myself working out and sweating and I love that. I visualize my clothes and shopping for cute stuff. I am OBSESSED with the thought of getting these 36 pounds off... I give myself DAILY pep talks and I have purchased all the fad drugs (Hydroxycut, Xenadrine etc). I have bought workout equipment and DVD's, gym memberships and I even hired a personal trainer - paying IN ADVANCE for 3 x per week sessions for 6 weeks ($$)... I have bought cute workout clothes and shoes EVERYTHING to try and motivate myself... I have even went through weight loss hypnosis to try to help myself..... overall we are talking thousands of dollars here.
But it isn't just the weight loss... I think there is something really wrong with my brain. I cannot commit to ANYTHING... Relationships, work, spending money wisely... I mean NOTHING... I CANNOT keep a promise to myself... I don't have any discipline whatsoever... and I need to know what the key is... I need to know how to flip the switch into the ON position.
The crazy thing is that on the surface EVERYONE thinks my life is perfect. When someone looks at me they see an attractive, confident , smart woman who owns her own business, whose kids have good manners, who has a nice house... but the reality is that what they see is a carefully crafted facade. I present the ideal of who I really want to be... and people believe it. Go figure.
Anyway... if anyone has anything worth while to say, please respond.
I am very rarely on here, but I am so glad you all are here when I need you, and I need you now!
So, here's my data: 31 years old. Single mother of 3 sons ages 16, 12 and 9 (yikes!). I had WLS in 2003 - Starting Weight 306#... Plastic surgery in 2006, (tummy tuck, breast lift). Although I have come along way I am still 36 pounds from my goal... when I first had surgery, I got within 20 pounds of the goal, but over time, most of my bad habits have returned and the numbers on the scale have creeped back up about 16 pounds. As with everything else in my life I feel like a failure. I have not reached my goal because I cannot COMMIT to the changes I need to make to get there. Even though I've lost 100# I am not where I COULD be....
When I tell you I cannot commit, it isn't for lack of WANT. I want to exercise and eat better - I visualize myself working out and sweating and I love that. I visualize my clothes and shopping for cute stuff. I am OBSESSED with the thought of getting these 36 pounds off... I give myself DAILY pep talks and I have purchased all the fad drugs (Hydroxycut, Xenadrine etc). I have bought workout equipment and DVD's, gym memberships and I even hired a personal trainer - paying IN ADVANCE for 3 x per week sessions for 6 weeks ($$)... I have bought cute workout clothes and shoes EVERYTHING to try and motivate myself... I have even went through weight loss hypnosis to try to help myself..... overall we are talking thousands of dollars here.
But it isn't just the weight loss... I think there is something really wrong with my brain. I cannot commit to ANYTHING... Relationships, work, spending money wisely... I mean NOTHING... I CANNOT keep a promise to myself... I don't have any discipline whatsoever... and I need to know what the key is... I need to know how to flip the switch into the ON position.
The crazy thing is that on the surface EVERYONE thinks my life is perfect. When someone looks at me they see an attractive, confident , smart woman who owns her own business, whose kids have good manners, who has a nice house... but the reality is that what they see is a carefully crafted facade. I present the ideal of who I really want to be... and people believe it. Go figure.
Anyway... if anyone has anything worth while to say, please respond.
I have found that when I do not follow through on what I need to change and "go through the motions" it is usually an indication of fear and avoidance of what I believe that change will represent. I use the word "believe" because my actions are a reflection of my belief system and when my actions are "faulty" then I need to dig deeper into the belief system behind them. Along with my "fear based belief system" is a "lack of trust system" and a "shame system" (that says "If only I'd...or "what's wrong with me that I can't...") All of these systems worked simultaneously to keep me enslaved to an obese body for 40+years of my life. True change requires a paradigm shift to evaluate your belief system and reprogram any that are working against you or are inaccurate. Therapy was/is helpful, every so often I have a "check up" to examine where I am and where I want to be. Good luck!
Maybe start out alittle slower on the working out. Park on the far side of the parking lot when you go shopping. I park in the spot furthest from the door at Walmart...That added quarter mile adds up. I hate exercise so it helps. If I go shopping on my lunch I walk at what I call my lunch speed. Fast, pushing the cart...Quite aerobic at times since i hate coming back late. At work I could drop something in the mail and have them deliver it to the next building but I take it to the next building instead...That adds up too.
With me, I have to start really slow and small and work my way up. My dh bought me a Wii and Wii Fit for my birthday. I worked out 5 minutes at a time and NO aerobics. I didn't even LOOK at the exercises for that...When I looked they have hula hoop as an aerobic exercise! Hula hoops! So I did that for a minute. Worked up a sweat. From there I did a couple minutes of step routine and soon I wasn't just running the short jog but doing the 10 minutes of jogging...And it was FUN! The balance exercises; yoga; strength...You can start out as slow or as advanced as you like...It really worked for me. I skipped a week or so while on vacation and started back in slow again and it's still fun. We have Wii Sport too and love the bowling. dh and I compete on bowling. He's a sore loser...lol. Not really but we do compete with it. Even our son does on the Wii Fit..
I had to start it in my room so that I didn't have anyone at all seeing me. I did it in my pajamas...Now I put on my tennis shoes and jogging shorts (an old pair that shouldn't be seen in a gym at all!) but it's not a chore anymore. It's fun!
With me, I have to start really slow and small and work my way up. My dh bought me a Wii and Wii Fit for my birthday. I worked out 5 minutes at a time and NO aerobics. I didn't even LOOK at the exercises for that...When I looked they have hula hoop as an aerobic exercise! Hula hoops! So I did that for a minute. Worked up a sweat. From there I did a couple minutes of step routine and soon I wasn't just running the short jog but doing the 10 minutes of jogging...And it was FUN! The balance exercises; yoga; strength...You can start out as slow or as advanced as you like...It really worked for me. I skipped a week or so while on vacation and started back in slow again and it's still fun. We have Wii Sport too and love the bowling. dh and I compete on bowling. He's a sore loser...lol. Not really but we do compete with it. Even our son does on the Wii Fit..
I had to start it in my room so that I didn't have anyone at all seeing me. I did it in my pajamas...Now I put on my tennis shoes and jogging shorts (an old pair that shouldn't be seen in a gym at all!) but it's not a chore anymore. It's fun!
Yes, RNY worked for me but it also requires a lot of work from me!
Before Surgery: 214
Highest Weight: 240
Now: 125.6
Goal: 130
Before Surgery: 214
Highest Weight: 240
Now: 125.6
Goal: 130
I found a great program on line called Shrink Yourself. Twelve week program costs 40.00 a month or 120.00 for the 12 weeks. I personally found this to be very helpful in getting in touch with my own feelings and how they relate to my eating and MY LIFE.
It helped me realize, I am okay despite having issues with food. I have also been seeing a therapist because I realize how much of this is in your own way of dealing with life and its everyday stresses. I had a hard time committing to any kind of therapy at first because I felt like I should be able to get my own act together but hey I am 52 years old and haven't done it yet. I don't have the educationally background to know how to deal with these issues.
You sound so overwhelmed, maybe it is time to take care of yourself. It wouldn't hurt to maybe meet with a therapist and see if they can't help you sort things out.
I wish you the best of luck. lucystarr2006
It helped me realize, I am okay despite having issues with food. I have also been seeing a therapist because I realize how much of this is in your own way of dealing with life and its everyday stresses. I had a hard time committing to any kind of therapy at first because I felt like I should be able to get my own act together but hey I am 52 years old and haven't done it yet. I don't have the educationally background to know how to deal with these issues.
You sound so overwhelmed, maybe it is time to take care of yourself. It wouldn't hurt to maybe meet with a therapist and see if they can't help you sort things out.
I wish you the best of luck. lucystarr2006
I don't have anything worth while to add, but I do feel the same way! Like you, it's not just my weight, I can't seem to do anything. Except that I have stopped myself from going to the casinos, but that's only because I can't manage my money! LOL!
I know it would be helpful to get therapy, but I have a bit of a phobia about it. To me, it's admitting you're weak and have issues, I can't bring myself to do it. So obviously, I need it!
Michele
I know it would be helpful to get therapy, but I have a bit of a phobia about it. To me, it's admitting you're weak and have issues, I can't bring myself to do it. So obviously, I need it!
Michele