Did your weight loss affect your relationships in a negative way?

In the beginning.......before the gastric bypass.......I had lots of friends.  Most were supportive of my decision to explore the option of the surgery.  Once I decided to have it done some of them began to try to talk me out of it.  Others just slowly faded away into the past.  Once I had it done I was down to less than half the friends I'd had to start with.  As time passed and I lost the weight they just kept dropping out of sight.  I couldn't understand it.  I even started to think it was because of me in some way.......like I'd developed some sort of uppity attitude I didn't realize or something.  The friends I still had assured me it could not be that.  I was still basicly the same person.  Only difference was I didn't try to fade into the background all the time like I had before.  So I chalked it up to fate/life's changes/possible immaturity on their part/whatever. 

My sister and I were very close.  She was my best friend.  We did most everything together and talked several times a day.  When I went for my consult with the plastic surgeon a few months ago to see about removing the excess skin etc she was all for it.  Well I had the surgery done five weeks ago today.  She was supposed to be the one who was taking me down to the surgery center, staying the night with me and then bringing me home.  She was also going to help me out once I got home.  About a week and a half before the surgery she just stopped speaking or coming around.  There was nothing wrong........no petty arguements or disagreements to blame this on.  She was just gone.  I had to find other ways to and from the surgery and ended up spending the night there alone.  Almost three weeks after I came home she called and wanted to come see me.  She showed up, looked me over, stood in the doorway for about five minutes making small talk and then left.  I felt like some sort of side show attraction or something.  That was the first time I'd heard from her since before the surgery.  She's contacted me three times since but only because she needed something.  She never even asked how I was.
 
She's not the only person to defect since I had the plastic surgery.  There are a couple of others but I know why they did.  I just don't understand how making myself healthier and happier causes people to want to not be part of my life.

Has this happened to anyone else?

I have talked about this many time, but yes, this happened to me too. I definitely found out who my "true friends" really are!!! My sil, who I was very close with, completely turned on me as soon as I got into a smaller pants size than her and several years later we still don't communicate much, except holidays, bdays, etc. She was very hurtful to me, talking behind my back and saying terrible things about me. My other sil never did anything horrible to me, but she pretty much just walked away from our friendship~there's no communication there anymore and we used to talk daily. I had another friend that became very distant for about 6mths, but we did work things out and have become good friends again~although I'm still quite guarded with her.


I'm sure that I did change in some ways, but I did not become some terrible monster who thought I was the bomb and everyone else was a piece of crap~I've never had that kind of attitiude and never will. I know where I came from and how far I've come and I am proud of myself, but I don't flaunt my success. I do believe its alot of jealousy and my therapist described it me as "they didn't expect me to clean up so well and when I did they didn't know what to do with their feelings about it". Well, their feelings of jealousy or being self concious are their problems, not mine anymore and I think its sad that others can't be happy for our success. I've always been there to cheer on my friends and lift them up, not put them down if they got thinner or richer or happier than me. Someone here once told me to think of it this way~you can be my friend and walk beside me or get the hell out of my way~it sounds harsh, but I had to agree with her thoughts. Having people around us that bring us down or make us second guess our decisions aren't good people to have around. I would think that you can probably get over having some friends walk away, but I would imagine its not so easy when its your sister treating you badly so my heart goes out to you.


On a positive note, some friends that I thought would react negatively have really stepped up and become my great friends~that was an unexpected pleasure!!!!! One last thought for you b/c its one of my favorite sayings~"be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss

Oh, yes. I wonder if they think I believe I'm better than them or something. I guess I have changed, I mean I wear smaller clothes (my moo-moo stretchy floral jumper days are over), and I'm a lot more active, and I certainly eat better than I used to, but I'm still the same person. Women are catty. I saw one of them actually look me up and down the other day and curl her upper lip. I see women in WalMart with their husbands giving me dirty looks, like I'm trying to steal their man. I don't want their stinking man, I've already got one. I have a couple of friends who used to walk with me on the weekends, and now they've always got an excuse, so I've quit calling them. It's upsetting, but I was warned about all this in my pre-op counseling. These same "friends" would absolutely love to see me gain 100 pounds too, and all the while I've been supportive of them with their diets and trying to lose weight. Try not to let it get to you.

I had a ;friend; to ask me  one day at work what happen to the fat jolly Amy? That hurt. I said I am still here just not as much of me on the outside. I don't have any friends in person and don't want them. I have trust issues with people that claim to be your friend.....I tell my children that you can only trust me. I will never let them down or hurt them. My son is now 22 and my daughter 17 tells me I was so right. They have been hurt by friends. Gotta pick and choose your battles....
Amy

WoW!! I am so glad that I have found this board! I feel as though I hear my own thoughts and feelings here. It's amazing how we can be from different parts of the world and yet experience the same treatment from our loved ones. One of my sil and I was so close we considered ourselves blood sisters. She supported me all the way through the surgery, she even came to the hospital and assisted me in bathing the whole nine yards. However after I lost the wt and actually got smaller than her she started fading away as well. She later confessed to me that it made her jealous to see me smaller than her. We're sill friends but hardly ever talk. I just have to accept that it's not my problem it's hers and she will just have to get over it. My daughter had WLS Jan 7,2008 she's lost a lot of wt and now we're sharing clothes. Now my sister in law who's my daughters aunt is treating my daughter like she's an enemy or something. I know it's because my daughter is smaller than her that she's talking about her. She told me that every since Tamika has lost wt and gotten married that she walks with her head in the air like she's better than anyone else. I told her that she needs to pray that God will help her overcome her jealously and Issues.

I am only one year out.  I have NOTICED.  My thoughts  -- skinny people don't want us to have WLS, because t hey believe they are superior to us, that we are inferior creatures.  Our chubby friends don't want us to have it because then they will be left in a smaller circle of friends with whom they feel comfortable.  It is a lose-lose for us (get the pun?)
What I have noticed is that strangers now make eye contact.  I didn't realize before I lost my weight that I was invisible, but indeed I was judging from my experiences now.  Men hold doors, I am waived into traffic.....
My advice -- move on, you sound like a very upbeat and extroverted person.  Leave the others behind, they really don't want to share in your re-birth.

I was listening about this on the radio  this is called a  "Frienemy".