why I haven't been posting

Well, I don't post very often (shame on me), but I have had one of the worst Augusts (months) of my life... 

In June, the school year ended early, thus giving me a few unexpected days off.  Always a good thing.  Well, during this time, I was notifed that two good friends had cancer.  In the end of June, I made a trip home..where I had the opportunity to visit (in a hospice house) one of my friends.  Sadly, she didn't recognize me at all.  I had to bring in "fat" photos for her to "realize" who I was.  She responded to the photos..and often sung "Oh Danny Boy" while I was visitng.  Well, I left top come back home, knowing that I would never see her again. 

In early July, I left for a wonderful nine night cruise to New England and Canada.  It was a wonderful trip.  Beautiful nature, terrific ship, incredible service, great food!!!  However, prior to the cruise, I was able to see another friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Luckily it has been caught early enough that major precautions and actions can be put into place.  While it was during this trip that my friend at home passes away. 

Upon returning home, I started to spend more and more time with my next door neighbor.  She has been suffering with brain cancer for two years...and during these past few months, her health has been waining.  Well, since mid July, I was going over daily, helping her out...cooking for her and her husband, etc. 

Well, I got a phone call from home, and was told that a very close friend of mine died.  It was difficult for me because she has been in my life for over 30 years.  She was my second mother..my life mentor...and my inspiration.  I ended up flying home for the memorial service..and again I was in a situation in which I wasn't recognized.  Finally the family asked who I was and when they realized who I was...they asked to get together to talk about her and mine relationship.   Needless to say, the only loss in my life that I could imagine being more painful would be my own mother.  What made this so difficult and painful was that I was an out-sider and pretty alone...

Upon returning home, I ended up taking care of my neighbor.  I spent many times a day picking her up when she fell, feeding her, etc...As the days went on, things really began to get worse.  It got to the point that I finally told her husband to contact hospice ( I have worked with them for years).  I also told him he needed to prepare for the end.  Well, on August 10th.. I told him that things weren't right with her..and that I didn't foresee her lasting more then a week.  This is when he called in hospice.  They told him the same.  On Monday, she went into a coma...and each day I was there..helping out.  Well, without going into a lot of details.. one week later... I ended up (at 10pm) telling him and his sons that she had passed away.  I sat with her till hospice came to declare her deceased... I ended up helping the funeral parlor people wrap her up and carry her out of the house.  I then started the process of support for her husband...her children....and a neighbor. 

All in all, it has been pretty tough.  I had my three year annivesary and I am up to 170 pounds... origionally from 340..down to 155.  I hate being 15 pounds heavier... HATE IT...but the doctor is thrilled.  He wants another five or ten pounds added to my frame...NOT!!!  I want to get back to the 150s...  I hate how I feel, but in my head, I know that I am at my healthiest.

I have had some good times... my cruise, a beach day, etc...  but, all in all...it has been pretty rough.   I really haven't been myself. I am pretty exhausted..drained...and I am dealing with waves of saddness.  I am not really depressed.  I definitely do not need medication.  I know that I have to deal with sadness and suffering....and I would definitely like to deal with it while downing a chocolate milkshake...but I will okay.  Things will get better... 

Needless to say, this is why I haven't been aroudn this summer.  Thought I would finally share my issues...only because I knew that some of you have been concerned. I am okay.. I like the Phoenix...will be reborn from the ashes... Yes, call me a Drama Lover!!!!

Hello Daniel,
I have not had the opportunity to meet you, but I am so sorry to hear of those that you held dear have passed away.  I know their passing has bought you great sorrow, but I look at them going to a better place no longer suffering from the pain that was tearing down there bodies.  They are gone in spirit, but they will always remain in your heart. 

Genie

Daniel, I will not call you a drama lover...I call you a care giver. I call you a get-it-done sort of person. I call you a pick-up-the-pieces sort of person... I call you a strong person..

You did more for more people in one summer than most people do for others their WHOLE LIFE...You deserve to have time off for yourself. Please please PLEASE take care of yourself and rest up. People somewhere will need you again because you're just that sort of person...So take care of yourself and rest up..rest up; renew and become like that phoenix...

Blessings to you, Daniel. Your summer has touched me deeply..

Daniel, I am sorry for the loss of your friends. You are one amazing person, all that you do and have done for your neighbors and others. I am glad that you were able to go on a cruise and enjoy yourself. Be sure you continue to do good things for yourself and enjoy your life. You have done a fantastic job with your weight loss, I know many people that have a little regain from their lowest point are not happy with that, but maybe in your case your body is telling you this is where you should be.

Take care of your self

Sher

I remember you very well from when you were posting before.  It's hard to even know how to respond to this sad, sad post.    It must have been like going through major emotional surgery--over & over.  I'm so sorry for you.

I know you  may not want to hear this, but I think 170 sounds like a much physically healthier weight for you!  Try to focus on just being good to yourself after all  you've been through and try not to stress about this small amount of gained weight.

Thanks for coming back.  We all need each other!

Daniel,

You have my deepest admiration.  My Mom was on Hospice and after I knew I would never willingly go through that again.  I was so fortunate to have a Caregiver to help me that is as kind and compassionate as you.  I will always be indebted to her and consider her one of my closest friends.  I'm sure your neighbor's family will feel that way about you as well.

Michele

 Daniel,

My heart truly goes out to you.  I am a hospice nurse and deal with this every day.  I am so touched by your love and compassion to those around you. I pray that God will continue to provide His healing salve to your heart and bless you in great ways.  Most people turn away at such times, but you dove in and went above and beyond. May God grant you His peace and blessings Daniel.

Thank you for blessing my heart today.  Thank you for showing other men, what being a "man" is all about. Thank you for not being selfish, for being around in the ugly times....which were also times of great blessings (don't  you agree?).

Hospice has berevement  services that you can take advantage of, and so so if you need, o k?

hugs and blessings to you dear one.  You are truly a rare gem!

Tami

My, what a neighbor you are!  Hope getting back in the swing of school and students will help.

Daniel,

I'm so very sorry for the losses you have sustained over this past summer, but please know that you have been an incredible blessing in the lives of the people you have cared for as the have lived and died, and are working to move forward to the next phase of their lives.

It's so normal to grieve the loses. It's also normal to go through some feelings of depression. You've suffered some significant loses.

I wish you peace and comfort.

Barb