I am so mad! Don't know what to do!
Hi Kym, I am sorry that you are having to deal with all this just before your surgery date. A lot of negative vibes come from those who truly do not understand what it's like to be obese. My parents were totally against it. My best friend didn't understand a lot of it, and we've been thick for almost 31 years. She and two of my other best friends have all known me when I was thin, but they love me still regardless whether I have the surgery or not. They understand that I know the ratio percentage when I went in for surgery. My best friend here in TN went to the support meetings with me prior to surgery, to the seminar with me, asked questions of the surgeon that I wouldn't think to ask, now she's lending me clothes to wear as she's gone from 155 lbs (she's taller then me) to 105, just from stress working as a CNA. She even wrote on the labels WB for want back. She has been there with me every step of the way, but my parents didn't try to talk me out of it, and became my best supporters two days before I had my surgery. Mom calls every day or two from West Virginia to see how much more I have lost so she can let her Sunday School Class know and the pastor keeps me in the bulletin on the prayer list. Mom is really amazed at how I look now and when I saw them in Nashville Oct. 28th, they couldn't believe what I looked like. I was very open, more out going then I have been in years, yes your personality will change, 99% to the good. Your self esteem and confidence in yourself will come out. I still get noticed when I go to pay a bill, the various people got so used to me being fat and in a wheelchair, that it really shocks them every month because I am constantly getting small, that really boosts your self esteem.
As for long friendships, I wouldn't trade Karen for the world. We've always been there for each other for almost 31 years. She's upfront about what she feels, and she's honest about it. Yes she was scared because she was uniformed, but going to the seminar, and a support group in Knoxville, really helped her to understand. She hated it when I had to go in a power wheelchair. We couldn't just fold it up and go to the lake and sit and fish and enjoy the peace and quiet. Now I am no longerfat, not in a wheelchair anymore, and she loves it all the more. Don't be quick to dismiss a 20 yr friendship. Now days it's hard to find someone who will be there for you no matter what. You friend is probably more scared of losing you and your friendship then you having the surgery, there also sounds like she's afraid that you will get all the good looks and she'll be passed over. It happens, but what she doesn't see is that you could die if you don't have the surgery. Take her with you to a support group meeting, get her involved, you will be allowed to have someone in your room with you after surgery. Ask her to stay with you. Re-bond like sisters, and remember in clothes when you start really losing it, she isn't seeing all the baggy flab that you will have to have removed or all the scars you will have when that time comes, make her a part of your recovery. Even if all you do is sleep, ask if she will even just play a game of yahtzee or rummy, old maid. Mom and I really enjoyed the 5 days in the motel with each other, and for the week I was home. We became closer because of it. She even lost some weight being around me, but dad likes to fry everything and loves to bake cakes, (both are diabetic, he's on pills, she's on pills and shots daily). Most of the time it's for a church or Sunday School class dinner. But they are so thrilled for me to have beat the "fat" system, and to lose what I have lost. Give your friend the benefit of your doubts, let her know you are nervous and scared, and you need her to be there for you, regardless how she feels about the surgery. She'll come around.
It's called child psychology. Include her, involve her, and make her a big part of your recovery time. Get her to work out with you. When she sees what you have to eat, the protein drinks, the thinning of your hair, and working out every day, her attitude will change, trust me, Kathy is wise, Kathy knows best. 
You haven't lost her as a best friend, she and the others are just scare for you, regardless what they say. People always fear the unknown. But they will be there when you need them. Let them know that after the surgery, you will have more energy to do things with them that you couldn't before. Let them know you love them and you understand their fears, and that you appreciate them for being afraid for your life. Use it to your advantage. Then sit back and watch their reactions as you become thinner and can do more with them that you couldn't do before. That you are no longer the docile little mouse, but a very friendly and outgoing person who is enjoying a new life and you want them to be a part of it.
Here's a verse that has been my favorite since I was a teen, Proverbs 17:17 " A true friend loves at all times." Someone wants told me friends aren't toys you can just throw away when you know longer need them, they're for keeps. She and I went our separate ways after high school, and just recently we met each other on classmates.com. I graduated in 1972 and she graduated in 73. We hadn't talked to each other until a bout 2 months ago. I even named, at my husband's request, our second son after her high school sweetheart. I introduced Connie to Scott, he died while I was pregnant with my first son. Friends are brought into our lives for several reasons, to find one that is a forever friend is hard to find. I appreciate Karen and her family so very much. She has vented on my shoulder and I have vented on hers. She lives 20 minutes away, so when we see each other even when I lived in Bean Station right behind her home, we always chatted each day how our days were, and every time we see each other, we always give each other a hug and we let the other know they are loved.
Let your friends know every chance you can that you love them and their friendship. Don't be to hasty to throw a 20 year friendship away. It just sounds like this one is more afraid that you won't need her when you get in shape and have a body for the shape. Let her know just how much you do need her. I think she will come around to your way of thinking. Let her know you are afraid too, but without the surgery you are being condemned to die young from the weight.
I know there is conflicting emotions running, but you will do fine and your friendship will grow stronger because of these emotions. Include her in your recovery and life more then ever.
Pain pills are kicking in so I am going to bed. Keep us posted about this and how it's going for your friend. Love ya, Kathy
You haven't lost her as a best friend, she and the others are just scare for you, regardless what they say. People always fear the unknown. But they will be there when you need them. Let them know that after the surgery, you will have more energy to do things with them that you couldn't before. Let them know you love them and you understand their fears, and that you appreciate them for being afraid for your life. Use it to your advantage. Then sit back and watch their reactions as you become thinner and can do more with them that you couldn't do before. That you are no longer the docile little mouse, but a very friendly and outgoing person who is enjoying a new life and you want them to be a part of it.
Here's a verse that has been my favorite since I was a teen, Proverbs 17:17 " A true friend loves at all times." Someone wants told me friends aren't toys you can just throw away when you know longer need them, they're for keeps. She and I went our separate ways after high school, and just recently we met each other on classmates.com. I graduated in 1972 and she graduated in 73. We hadn't talked to each other until a bout 2 months ago. I even named, at my husband's request, our second son after her high school sweetheart. I introduced Connie to Scott, he died while I was pregnant with my first son. Friends are brought into our lives for several reasons, to find one that is a forever friend is hard to find. I appreciate Karen and her family so very much. She has vented on my shoulder and I have vented on hers. She lives 20 minutes away, so when we see each other even when I lived in Bean Station right behind her home, we always chatted each day how our days were, and every time we see each other, we always give each other a hug and we let the other know they are loved.
Let your friends know every chance you can that you love them and their friendship. Don't be to hasty to throw a 20 year friendship away. It just sounds like this one is more afraid that you won't need her when you get in shape and have a body for the shape. Let her know just how much you do need her. I think she will come around to your way of thinking. Let her know you are afraid too, but without the surgery you are being condemned to die young from the weight.
I know there is conflicting emotions running, but you will do fine and your friendship will grow stronger because of these emotions. Include her in your recovery and life more then ever.
Pain pills are kicking in so I am going to bed. Keep us posted about this and how it's going for your friend. Love ya, Kathy 
Hey lady! You are so wise! I have got a lot of emotions running around inside of me, and this morning it hit me hard that one of the reasons I am so upset about this whole thing is because she is voicing some things my dirty little subconcious has been whispering to me as well. But this morning I had a breakthrough! My friend called me and told me she didn't have to think about it anymore, that she was going to be there for me no matter what. I broke down and told her I had thought about it a lot and understood more about where she was coming from. We ended up doing a conference call to my three other friends, the ones she emailed, and we were all blubbering by the time we got off the phone. A lot of things came out! One thing, was in high school my friends weren't always friends and there was one time that they were so horrible to me...well, I won't go into it all but it was bad. Well, turns out that two of my buddies are still feeling guilty about that and one of them admitted that he was worried that I would not be around for him to make it up to me...I was like, are you crazy, that was 16 years ago, I'm over it, you've made up for it already. He really needed to hear that so I think a lot of healing is going to happen now. We are all getting together the day after Thanksgiving for a much needed powwow and my daughter's birthday.
Thanks for your words of wisdom Kath, love ya!
I'm so glad to hear that you all have had such a break through. I came into this discussion late and didn't have anything to add that hadn't already been said.
It sounds like this is something that has needed to happen for a long time and in the long run will make your friendship even stronger. Good luck, Sweetie!
Susan
Kym,
I am so sorry you are having to go through that. A lot of people just don't realize what all we go through just to make a decision about having surgery much less all the research and time spent on wiether to have the surgery. Just let your friend know that you do appreciate her concern but like someone else stated if you stay on the course you are on you may very well run into serious health problems if you don't have this surgery. I believe your friendship will survive just address your friends concerns do not ignore them get everything out in the open and you will both feel better about this!
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