Baby Shower Blues/Family Rant

Okay... where do I even begin..! Sorry this is long and all over the place.. I'm preggo and hormonal LOL so bear with me!

DH and I got married almost three years ago.  Because he was on a military course when we decided to get married, and also because we didn't have very much money at the time, we opted to do a civil ceremony and not a big fancy wedding due to neither of us wanting to carry a huge amount of debt just for getting married.  At that time, my Mom and sister did not so much as give us a wedding gift, much less a card though they did both attend the ceremony at city hall and the pizza lunch WE hosted and paid for after our ceremony.

Fast Forward to present day - we are pregnant with our first child and my sister is currently at home on maternity leave after having her third baby last June.  Not long ago, she asked me what I was planning to do about a baby shower and I said at the time that I wasn't sure I wanted one - that getting gifts and free stuff is nice but it would make me feel weird (I have always been one of those people who would rather just go out and buy what I want rather than ask anyone for anything..). She offered to organize it but quickly stipulated that I had to PAY for whatever costs were going to be incurred.  I said fine.

She called me this past Friday to say that she'd contacted the two places we were considering having the shower at - one was the same place DH and I had our pizza lunch post-wedding and the other is a pricier italian restaurant we've been to many a time. I was leaning toward the same pizza place as there are "sentimental memories" there and, quite honestly with a baby on the way and all kinds of things to buy, I have NO $$$ to waste. But I told her to find out how much for both places and to get back to me.

She calls me again yesterday to say that she'd announced the shower date to her inlaws (who are Italian) and that they'd asked where it was going to be held - so she told them it was going to be at the pricier restaurant - which thrilled them. I'm scared everyone I put on the list will show up OR inversely that no one will come. I'm NOT happy because I'm potentially on the hook for anywhere from $500-1000 for feeding these people, depending on how many come. 

I realize they will be bringing me baby gifts, but what if all they bring is a cheap onezie from Wal-mart and I spent $40 per person feeding their ass for an afternoon??!! (We asked for a fixed price menu but she has yet to confirm what would be served or even how much per person). Ya know?  Would hurt the wallet a lot less to feed them a couple slices of delicious pizza, some calamari and everyone be on their way - especially that when I mentionned updating my baby registry to add a recliner and ottoman and a high-end high chair, my sister was quick to point out "Who do you think is going to buy you those things"...

When my sister realized that I wasn't too happy that she'd commited me to having the shower at the more expensive place, she asked me why I was being that way and then proceeded to say "Do you think I'm doing this because I care"... at which point I said okay, let's not have a baby shower at all and I hung up on her!

I was so upset after our conversation last night I just cried for a while and went to bed without dinner as my appetite was just not there.. and now I'm at work writing this and bawling my eyes out again..

Am I just being childish? Can I get off the Preggo Hormone Rollercoaster please?!

I am kind of speechless over the fact that your sister told you that you had to pay for your own shower, that is just beyond strange. We are struggling with money, and I keep a tight budget, but when my sister was having a baby I found the money to throw her a very nice, tasteful but simple shower.

The whole thing is just crazy, and I would probably just say "no thank you" to everything at this point.

Geez, our sisters are alike... I think you have the right to be upset!! SHe's being pretty insensitive and on top of that YOU are the one paying for everyone. It's not like she's paying for it. Right now my mom & I are paying $45 a plate per person at my shower. Trust me, I understand. The cost is substantial depending on how many people go because the money you spend on the shower can be for buying the baby's things. That's another way to look at it? Or you can just have something small and personal. Don't be upset :( I hope everything straightens itself out.

That's just ridiculous! You shouldn't have to pay for your own shower. And if you are paying for it, then you should get to choose where you have it. If your in-laws are sooooo excited about the more expensive place, then maybe they can help pay for it. I am all for a VERY much less formal kind of shower. We're doing mine in my mom's church hall and just serving finger food. We're doing it at 2 so we don't have to do a meal. My mom could afford to do the meal, but I like a less formal atmosphere, it makes me happier. You should do whatever makes you happy. Your sister is being ridiculous!

I am so JEALOUS! I want something simple but I know that's not gonna happen!

You are not being childish at all.  If SHE'S throwing the shower SHE should be footing the bill.  And from what I read she invited HER IN LAW'S not yours.  Then she should definitely foot their part regardless.  I think if I were you I'd just say forget it and not have a shower..because you could take the money you spend on the shower and buy the stuff that baby needs.  I know you probably want to have a shower but if it was at my expense I'd say thanks but no thanks.  I don't mind helping out with some things but there's no way I'd pay for my own shower.  I could think of ALOT of other uses for that money. 

I think I would not have the shower and have a welcome home baby get together and just serve finger sandwiches and snacks once the baby gets home.  That way you can control the price better.

Wow. If you are paying for the shower, you should do it the way you want and for the price you want- We've always just used my parent's house, which is large enough for these sorts of gatherings, and especilaly if it's nice weather they have a nice backyard. IF you do need to rent somewhere, then you should choose what you want to pay. I understand the not wanting to ask for gifts and such- I am the same way. And I agree that the gifts would probably not add up to the money spent on the food. I wouldn't want to do that either! Better to spend the money on what you want to. I can't believe your sister would say those things. WOW. I don't always get along with mine- but still we wouldn't go that far. Well, I don't blame you for crying. It really sucks. I would say ditch it if you can't think of an alternative. Good luck.

Carrie

I think the whole situation is crazy!!! If she wants you to pay you get to call the shots! Any chance you can just do someone at your home?

That sucks. I would say for her to change the venue. That's ridiculous to have to foot that kind of a bill. It's your shower and she can't expect you to pay if you're not even getting to go to the place you want to.

It sounds like you don't really want a shower, she doesn't want to throw you one, and you can't afford to pay for your own so I would just axe the whole thing!! Maybe throw a girls night and have your closest girlfriends over for some munchies and drinks so you can have some fun with your friends before baby comes! That would be really low stress, fun, and cheap!