Tuesday...What's Up?
I am up watching the Phillies game. They are on the West Coast, so I have it on. Can't sleep anyway. I have so much anxiety about work, because I messed up some stuff at work over the weekend, and have to go back in and fix it today. I am so unsettled about this job, it is unreal. I love what I do, but keep making mistakes on the paperwork and procedures. I fear losing the job because of it. I have been training, and flew solo over the weekend, and messed up some stuff on Saturday afternoon/evening, because I was sick as a dog, had not eaten lunch, and had a persistant patient, not one I was supposed to work with, who wanted me to get the doctor to let her leave. She is court committed to treatment, so she can't go anywhere.
So, today has me heading in to work for a few hours. Then, I have an appointment with my therapist. I am dreading that drive. I never have had the courage to change therapists when my therapist moved his practice to North Jersey, an hour and a half away. He is no longer in my insurance network, but only charges me what my copays were when he was.
I did make it to my AA meeting on Monday. It was exactly what I needed, about turning my will and life over to the care of God. It hit home for me about my food. I believe God's will for me is to follow my surgeon's recommendations about what I eat. Unfortunately, I have not done so well with that in the past two weeks.
Chat away. I will check in between work and my appointment.
Huggles,
Trish
Albert Schweitzer
Trish, I know how it is trying to catch on with a new job. I did that last summer and if there was a way to screw up, I did it. I even got people mad at me. I did everything wrong. But ... a year later, everything is better, even though I still don't like my job. You've just got to keep at it.
I think part of the change for me was getting on the right antidepressant at the right dose. It has made a world of difference. I seem to be able to focus much better.
So tonight I had two sports sections to do in six hours ... eight pages in six hours. I got in at 4 p.m.; first sports section (basically two pages, four stories), the guy didn't have the budget in. So I started working on the second one, sending out photos, etc. Went back to the other one when the budget came in. Ended up getting out one minute late with the second section ... but I was throwing things on pages so fast at the end, my neck hurts now. With our earlier deadlines, it's not a feasible combination.
I'm watching the recording of the White Sox game ... I know they won. They blew the lead but came back to win it. Four in a row. Can't understand why they can't win at home, though.
Oh well, that's my life. One more day and I get a day off. Juliette is stalking bugs through the sliding glass doors (the door is closed but she sees them and thinks she can get them). Too hot to open the doors: At 12:31 a.m., it's still 87 degrees (feels like 97). Ugh!
Have a good day.
I'm up late every night again. I have trouble getting to sleep and then sleep late the next morning. It is my normal summer pattern. I have been very busy during the afternoons and evenings getting my Mom's memorial service planned. I am going to attempt to read my own eulogy. My brother Jim and sister-in-law Sheila will also read something that they each have prepared. The slide show and lots of old hymns are ready. It will be absolutely beautiful and so personal and intimate, just as I wanted. One of my best friend's husband is a pastor and he is doing the prayers and things that a pastor does.I'm expecting about 30 people- I am not sure on the count though. This has definitely been a labor of love.
Thank you everyone for your loving messages. I read and cry. You are one of my anchors in the storm.
Julia
Dear Julia:
Look at your eulogy as another chance to tell your Mom that you love her- that is how I handled Mom's in June. I had dreaded doing it because of all the family drama.
I could not/would not sugar-coat alot of the choices Mom had made so I approached it from the other direction....taking her stubbornness and intensity of emotion and showing how her tenacity was how she survived and how I felt that she had given those traits to me to use in a very positive manner and thanked her for my roots.
The burial/inurnment, as the funeral home refers to the burial of the ashes, was exactly how Mom would have wanted it..simple, beautiful and quiet. It doesn't matter how many people attend, the ones who count will be there if they can.
And actually, the eulogy was very cathargic for me...very healing. You may well find that this closure will give you comfort. It did for me. I wish that for you.
Many blessings and hugs,
Nancy B
Dear Pat;
Any new job is daunting, no matter what experience one has, you still have to deal with alot of NEW things all at once. It takes time to settle in and most people are very forgiving and even supportive and helpful because they too have been there.
Breathe...don't give in to panic. Just take your time and approach each task, one piece at a time. Take a positive approach instead of giving in to the fear. Respond instead of reacting. You can do this! *Hugs*
Nancy B
Well folks, I'd like to know where the summer is going!? Time is flying by and it seems that I've been doing alot of work and little play *s*. However, I am seeing great progress. My website will finally be online for September and I've done two YouTube interviews for an international Spirituality website.
I will also be working on featuring my Mandala artwork on the website, both in the form of colouring books for adults to de-stress and focus and also my Mandala wall Art. Thank goodness for my genius webmaster because I am technically-challenged.
This week is the final class for my LifePath clients after two intense months. I have ordered a nice tray of nibblies (sweets and savouries as well) for them and everyone brings their specialties. One of my clients comes from Columbia and she is bringing a Spanish dish. Another makes "killer" deviled eggs...another makes wine...and so on ...*s*... And so we will not go hungry, for sure.
Their last assignments were given with the intension of forward movement in their thinking and self-sabotague. I smiled when they cringed as I gave them their final homework ...this will take them out of their comfort zone but, at the same time, they were also eager to do their work because they now recognize how important it is to be true to themselves and to end their self-limiting behavior patterns.
Two new groups start up September 7th and 9th, so I have several weeks to breathe.
I got a phone call Friday to come back in and have my mammogram re-done. I am approaching this news with a positve attitude...regardless of the reason. This second mammogram will be this Thursday. As a 21 year breast cancer survivor, I think it is just cautionery or perhaps my internal scars from the last two surgeries that have made the xrays harder to read.
I know that many of you may be feeling the anxiety over the financial situation. If I may be so bold, I wish to say this:
Remember to breathe.
Remember to RESPOND, not to REACT.
Do not allow yourself to be dragged into the drama.
Stay positive, centred and grounded. Negativity feeds on negativity.
Many blessings to you all!
Nancy B
I just want to say how much I admire you, I feel connected to your way of thinking and the things you do, you are a person of inspiration and action and that combination is powerful.
What you stated about the financial aspect of life these days is how I choose to handle things, I cannot control anything but my actions and sometimes inaction is what is necessary and when I remember that and stay in positive mindset, I feel peaceful within the storm that life can be. When I see others struggle with that, I sometimes have a hard time being wise enough to realize that is their right and that is because I so wish people could live without fear and negativity and that just is not reality, but power comes through our thoughts when we take them into action and words, well words need to be more then intentions, they need to become our actions. I feel both blessed and saddened to be living in the times we live in, marvels and madness, but that is life isn't it. . .
Have a wonderful day!
Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
Hi Everyone!
Back from a wonderful camping weekend with my daughter Erin and her 3 little girls. A great memory making time was had by all.
Lots of beach time, playing at a local school playground, walking into the little town for treats, sleeping in a little tent trailer.
Only one little event marred the trip. A "Cancun" stole my pill case. Hannah's term for raccoon! So no restless legs pill my last night in camp. Most miserable night I have spent in years! Barely made it the two hour drive to Erin's. So instead of driving the 5 hours home yesterday I got an emergency pill supply here and will leave on Wednesday morning.
Hannah discovered being cover by sand was wonderful until. . . . . About 10 pm after a shower but evidently still "sandy" she started crying: "My 'Gina hurts!" then a few minutes later: "My butt hurts!" then: "I need medcin!" That darn sand gets into every little fissure in the body.
Erin said she couldn't wait to get into the bathtub when she got home.
So I took a pill at 5pm, had a bit of dinner and went straight to bed. Up for a potty break and headed back to bed. You all have a good one. I'll try to read and catch up with everyone tomorrow. I'm exhausted!
Karen C
