XP - NSV's at 2 years out....and it makes me wonder
Today I had to get groceries and find a birthday gift for my mom....
I ended up eating at Chili's, and ordered Margarita chicken. (Skip the rice and it is enough chicken for 2 or 3 good sized meals of chicken and black beans). Service was good and they weren't busy. But the mgr. came by as I was scooping food into my to go box and asked, "Is everything all right???? Was it delivered promptly for you??? Are you in a rush??? Can I put your drink in a carry out cup??? Are you SURE things are all right???"
He kind of doted on me. I assured him that everything was fine, but then I wondered....how would he have reacted if I had been 258 lbs? Would I have gotten the to go cup for my iced tea, do you think?
Then off to Coldwater Creek, trying to find the birthday gift (on sale). Of coruse I got into trying on some things for myself. One jacket looked pretty good (yeah, I bought it) - the salesperson commented, "That is really nice on you. It doesn't look at all good on me!" I said, "Oh you're kidding?" and she reolied, "Well you are really thin...."!!!!!! What????? (See, I HAD to buy the jacket!)
The CC story was just purely great, it made me feel so good.
But the Chili's story almost makes me a little sad, because I remember being so invisible before. The world is indeed a nicer place now that I am thinner, and I don't quite know how to process that.
I ended up eating at Chili's, and ordered Margarita chicken. (Skip the rice and it is enough chicken for 2 or 3 good sized meals of chicken and black beans). Service was good and they weren't busy. But the mgr. came by as I was scooping food into my to go box and asked, "Is everything all right???? Was it delivered promptly for you??? Are you in a rush??? Can I put your drink in a carry out cup??? Are you SURE things are all right???"
He kind of doted on me. I assured him that everything was fine, but then I wondered....how would he have reacted if I had been 258 lbs? Would I have gotten the to go cup for my iced tea, do you think?
Then off to Coldwater Creek, trying to find the birthday gift (on sale). Of coruse I got into trying on some things for myself. One jacket looked pretty good (yeah, I bought it) - the salesperson commented, "That is really nice on you. It doesn't look at all good on me!" I said, "Oh you're kidding?" and she reolied, "Well you are really thin...."!!!!!! What????? (See, I HAD to buy the jacket!)
The CC story was just purely great, it made me feel so good.
But the Chili's story almost makes me a little sad, because I remember being so invisible before. The world is indeed a nicer place now that I am thinner, and I don't quite know how to process that.
Hi Lynn,
I haven't had surgery, but I have wondered about that. It seems since I have gotten to this weight I'm at, I've noticed salespeople seem to look the other way, or sometimes people don't look you in the eye? I don't know if it my imagination or real. So, I guess I'll see for myself after my surgery.
Good job on getting the jacket!
I haven't had surgery, but I have wondered about that. It seems since I have gotten to this weight I'm at, I've noticed salespeople seem to look the other way, or sometimes people don't look you in the eye? I don't know if it my imagination or real. So, I guess I'll see for myself after my surgery.
Good job on getting the jacket!
Lynn, I am not a clothes horse by any stretch but I am a great bargain shopper. It is so weird to go into a department store and have little if any idea what size you wear! I have actually felt fearful or anxious when walking through the Petites Dept., thinking someone was going to come along and harass me for being in a place I didn't belong!
(I have also learned to shop Goodwill, by the way!)
(I have also learned to shop Goodwill, by the way!)
Lynn,
The first time I went clothes shopping, when I was close to being done losing weight, because prior to that I either got clothes through exchanging them or Thrift, but when I felt confident enough to be able to buy clothes that I would not be giving away quickly, I went to the mall, into Boscov's, Macy's and I came away with nothing, I was completely overwhelmed by all the different things I could now buy, things that when I had been a size 24/26 I thought, oh wow, that would be cute, if only. . . well when it was time I had to figure out, not only what size I was, but what would look good, at size 24/26 I knew which manufacturers fit right and so on, I actually walked out of the stores in tears. . . as for your original posting, yes, I remember well the days when I could feel people's eyes on me because of my size, or that feeling of being invisible because people did not want to see me. . . I also have to remember that I myself did not like to look at myself, other than putting make-up on and a once over in the morning when I would be getting ready, I never liked what I saw in the mirror, though I choose clothing carefully and people always told me how well put together I was. . . there was always that unsaid, for a fat person, or the you've got such a pretty face thing. . .
Goodwill is too much work for me, I like the sale rack when they are having a big sale with percentages off . . .
Laureen
The first time I went clothes shopping, when I was close to being done losing weight, because prior to that I either got clothes through exchanging them or Thrift, but when I felt confident enough to be able to buy clothes that I would not be giving away quickly, I went to the mall, into Boscov's, Macy's and I came away with nothing, I was completely overwhelmed by all the different things I could now buy, things that when I had been a size 24/26 I thought, oh wow, that would be cute, if only. . . well when it was time I had to figure out, not only what size I was, but what would look good, at size 24/26 I knew which manufacturers fit right and so on, I actually walked out of the stores in tears. . . as for your original posting, yes, I remember well the days when I could feel people's eyes on me because of my size, or that feeling of being invisible because people did not want to see me. . . I also have to remember that I myself did not like to look at myself, other than putting make-up on and a once over in the morning when I would be getting ready, I never liked what I saw in the mirror, though I choose clothing carefully and people always told me how well put together I was. . . there was always that unsaid, for a fat person, or the you've got such a pretty face thing. . .
Goodwill is too much work for me, I like the sale rack when they are having a big sale with percentages off . . .
Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
Laureen, clothing has been a real measure of my progress as I have gone down in sizes. I don't see it in the mirror, and didn't see myself as a size 22 either. Somehow what I saw then - and see now - is different from what others see.
I always considered myself a "classic" dresser when I was obese (still do in many ways) - but realize that this was because there were fewer options and it was a less risky way to dress. Black suit. White shirt. T shirts or turtleneck sweaters. Khakis. That was about it.
I agree about GW shopping being work - I have to be in just the right mood. But when I get an Ellen Tracy jacket for $4 - hey, I'm golden!
(And by the way, I had an article on clothing post WLS published in the OH magazine this month!)
AAAHHH, I have been affected and impacted often over the past 7 yrs with NOT being INVISIBLE anymore. Realization of BEING VISIBLE to the world hit me hard and deeply. I know I wasn't really invisible, just too disgusting for the world to view at 330 lbs. How could I allow myself as a human to get so fat? I had to buy work clothes and spent a small fortune on them, never left the house without makeup or my hair not "perfect"...always smiling at people. Rarely did people look me in the eye. Sometimes cars didn't even brake or stop for me to pass, even when I had the right of way, scary. Never had the door opened for me, people would push past me, rushing to get away. I didn;t know this as I tried to look people in the eye and allow them into my space and life. However ONCE someone got to know me they SAW me.
As the pounds melted off, I became VISIBLE. When I first noticed this I felt violated and impacted physically and emotionally as if a sound wave of supersonic size hit me. Especially interactions with men. Now I worked at the VA and worked mostly with veterans who were men. These men came to me for help and help them I did, they loved me for Monica and treated with respect. But the general male population didn't know me at all...just a HUGE HUGE person. Having men open doors, tip their hats, smile at me, admire me, say hello were all new to me and I resented it. When I finally lost 200 lbs and after PS and healing...I began buying clothes that showed off my new body and I dressed with clothes I NEVER COULD WEAR BEFORE IN MY WHOLE LIFE. I have some really sexy, probably inappropriate stuff a 63 yr old women shouldn't be wearing, but I don't care. My hubby loves it when I wear these clothes and he loves to come home with dresses or tops he wants me to wear. I have 2 bikini's and get such looks at the pool. He loves to walk behind me and then says you should see the men follow you with their eyes. Hard to keep the see-saw of life balanced.
Remembering who I was outside and who I am inside and outside now is important. Treating all people with dignity and good manners should not be about being fat or thin...hoping to change the world not easy. Hugs Monica
As the pounds melted off, I became VISIBLE. When I first noticed this I felt violated and impacted physically and emotionally as if a sound wave of supersonic size hit me. Especially interactions with men. Now I worked at the VA and worked mostly with veterans who were men. These men came to me for help and help them I did, they loved me for Monica and treated with respect. But the general male population didn't know me at all...just a HUGE HUGE person. Having men open doors, tip their hats, smile at me, admire me, say hello were all new to me and I resented it. When I finally lost 200 lbs and after PS and healing...I began buying clothes that showed off my new body and I dressed with clothes I NEVER COULD WEAR BEFORE IN MY WHOLE LIFE. I have some really sexy, probably inappropriate stuff a 63 yr old women shouldn't be wearing, but I don't care. My hubby loves it when I wear these clothes and he loves to come home with dresses or tops he wants me to wear. I have 2 bikini's and get such looks at the pool. He loves to walk behind me and then says you should see the men follow you with their eyes. Hard to keep the see-saw of life balanced.
Remembering who I was outside and who I am inside and outside now is important. Treating all people with dignity and good manners should not be about being fat or thin...hoping to change the world not easy. Hugs Monica
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Monica, my husband said that maybe the Chili's guy was trying to hit on me! I said that if that were the case, I absolutely wouldn't recognize it as that!
I was invisible at work for many years. I hated the limited credibility that I had and definitely see a difference now.
There is irony, isn't there, that the fattest woman in the room is invisible?
(And as for the clothes that hubby picks? Let him enjoy them and you wearing them! You've earned the right to not give a hoot or a holler about what others may think!)
I was invisible at work for many years. I hated the limited credibility that I had and definitely see a difference now.
There is irony, isn't there, that the fattest woman in the room is invisible?
(And as for the clothes that hubby picks? Let him enjoy them and you wearing them! You've earned the right to not give a hoot or a holler about what others may think!)
I've posted on people being nicer when you are a normal weight. Ticks me off big time. I never realized that ever because when I was fluffy (300 pounds at 5'2'') I was one of those "happy fluffy people" and I usually "won" people over with my smile and personality. Was I really happy heavy? Now I look back, I was just me...I mean I exercised at the gym and people always encouraged me. I remember my first spin class, only made it on the bike for 15 minutes and everyone said I did great. I'm thankful I have a cool gym to go to and never felt like people were staring at me. I lined dance, played volleyball and lived at a lake and lived in my bathing suit in the summer, mowed the lawn in my bathing suit. I guess I never felt obese or was in denial!
But...it was the strangers that looked at me in disgust. So the people that knew me, loved me for me no matter what size I was. People that don't know me, who the hell cares what they think??? I guess I got through without a lot of hard knocks like some overweight people. But also I think its my attitude that I have and still have: NO ONE is better than anyone else. Don't let others thinking change anything about you. YOU have the power and it's all attitude. So no matter what size you are hold your head up high and look people in the eye. They put their pants on one leg at a time, just like you.
Now it's true, beautiful people are treated different and some think they are "special". I say heavy people are special too, just more to love and I will never be a "fatty hater" ever. To this day I will always go up to the heaviest people and talk to them. Know what? Some of them are trying to hide, they want to be invisible. Some are just relieved that someone has acknowledged them and will talk to them. I was never a wall flower and I bet you weren't either.
Most will get what I'm saying. Hugs Debbie
But...it was the strangers that looked at me in disgust. So the people that knew me, loved me for me no matter what size I was. People that don't know me, who the hell cares what they think??? I guess I got through without a lot of hard knocks like some overweight people. But also I think its my attitude that I have and still have: NO ONE is better than anyone else. Don't let others thinking change anything about you. YOU have the power and it's all attitude. So no matter what size you are hold your head up high and look people in the eye. They put their pants on one leg at a time, just like you.
Now it's true, beautiful people are treated different and some think they are "special". I say heavy people are special too, just more to love and I will never be a "fatty hater" ever. To this day I will always go up to the heaviest people and talk to them. Know what? Some of them are trying to hide, they want to be invisible. Some are just relieved that someone has acknowledged them and will talk to them. I was never a wall flower and I bet you weren't either.
Most will get what I'm saying. Hugs Debbie
No, I wasn't a wallflower. I was actually more shy and less confident as a teenager than as an adult.
But last night as I talked to my husband, I asked him to really try to find a way to do something nice or speak to the next really heavy woman he sees. He always opens doors, helps reach the high stuff on shelves, etc. for people - but I asked that his next act of kindness be especially with that in mind.
But last night as I talked to my husband, I asked him to really try to find a way to do something nice or speak to the next really heavy woman he sees. He always opens doors, helps reach the high stuff on shelves, etc. for people - but I asked that his next act of kindness be especially with that in mind.
Good for you for suggesting that. My hubby also will be a gentleman and heavy people he is kind to. He has 2 daughters that are obese so he knows never to say anything about people's weight.
If the occasion arises that a comment is made he gets slapped upside the head!
Kindness...it makes a much nicer world to be in.
Mean people just suck!
If the occasion arises that a comment is made he gets slapped upside the head!
Kindness...it makes a much nicer world to be in.
Mean people just suck!
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