Wild Wet Wednesday...is it SPRING yet?
Good morning, everyone! Another damp dark rainy day here. Everyone around has been so busy cleaning up after our wild severe wind storms here last week..some people still don't have power back on. We lost some shingles and a few trees..many heritage trees were uprooted ..we have a 70 foot pine tree out front that was leaning dangerously close in the wind. JB says, if ths is to be our new weather patterns, we have to take that pine down before it falls and destroys the east end of the house. We planted that tree,a six inch seedling over 39 years ago and I watered it daily bu hand..dragging a heavy bucket of water around to wet the soil at each of out 250 seedlings that summer. And now we have to take it down..so sad.
I still cannot bury my mother..all the set backs and complications and now the area of the cemetery where Dad is buried in the VETERANS" section is so super-saturated that we cannot even step there or we will be ankle-deep in water. So Mother remains in my living room..set in her beautiful porcelain urn, covered with pale pink & mauve mums and roses, in a place of honour with lit candles and Mom's framed photos beside it until the weather allows us to have a small private family interment.
Meanwhile, I continue to work on the Wellness Show for the end of the month, start my LifePath classes (so I need to re-study my course so I know what I'm teaching...lol), and continue with all the dealing with family and work.
I continue to read the posts...just haven't felt all that much up to posting..nothing fun and exciting happening these days...soon to come, I'm sure. But I just wanted to drop by to say hello.
Today I met a dear friend for lunch..we meet every two or so months and I wore a heavy black woolen jacket with a FUR collar..that's how cold and damp it was! Well, best I get to nbed..I have a "Bowen Therapy" session booked to help my leg pain.
Woke up @ 4:15, sleeping been off since Sunday night when I stayed up all nigh****ching new.
Took a nap at 2 yesterday and slept so deeply, then fell asleep @ 9, awoke at 10, played on FB, and finally to the bed at 1. Hope I don't melt down today.
Did some errands and not much else. Great time a dog park. Hubby was OFF all day, he does not realize, with his constant talking aloud his thoughts, how hurtful he can be with what he says....I mean totally doesn't get it that he is critical of me about stupid stuff.....I picked out the wrong corn on the cob, then cooked it the wrong way making a new recipe grilling it, didn't have the volume loud enough most of the day for him to hear it, BLARING, turned the bed down the wrong way, fussed about the new plastic container I got, put Yoda's collar on wrong way, put the wrong stamps on a card for Sara, and on and on. I know is he concerned about our son's big move to Montana, Sara's pregnancy, world affairs, his spending and sending too much of monthly income to son already this month. But geeezee I feel like **** about myself when he does this. I have come out of myself as I continue on success of soberness. I am begining to talk back. I have always avoided direct confrontaion, being a door mat and doing what I don't or didn't want too because I wasn't good enough and so afraid of making him or our children, others mad at me. Stems back to childhood and the fighting that took place with my parents and my older wild sister. She is 9 yrs older than I and caused severe problems in family. Seeing and hearing the pain she caused my dad especially made me want to be A TOTAL PLEASER GOOD GIRL ALL MY LIFE. I have great concersations in my head to shut him up, but can't say what I want or need to say. REALLY can't teach this old dog hubby alot of new tricks.
Reading weightlossdreamer/Margaret post very eye opening to me. The pain of rejection hitting many trigger points inside. Men, sorry George, complex and stupid. How can he be so very loving and then suck a ***** How could that man have treated with a virtural slap in her face Margaret so badly after she sent the beautiful photo of herself. How stupid could he be?
Hope you all are safe and have a happy hump day. Let us REMEMBER TO BE BETTER TO OURSELVES FOR A CHANGE. Monica
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YOU are getting more self confidence.
YOU are speaking your peace to hubby.
YOU can teach him new tricks too! LOL
Being a people pleaser comes naturally to you and playing the peacemaker.
I did that in my family for years, couldn't speak back and wasn't allowed to do that with my stepfather. He was and still is a ******* I haven't seen him in years. Did try to do the Christmas gathering with him after mom died for a few years. Guess what? When I left there I was stuffing my face!! Damn straight I was...I was eating my emotions.
I don't see the wicked stepfather any more, nor seek his approval. I've grown some gonads now. I've changed for the better. I'm a stronger woman. Hear me roar Moncia...and soon the tiger is going to emerge stronger from you. Talking back is okay.
congrats on your 182 days of sobriety! You are the woman! Hugs Debbie
This has been a year of wild weather all over. I hope everyone stays safe.
Monica, at least you recognize that your DH is just having a bad day! I know that doesn't excuse his behavior. The very impressive part is that you remained strong in your sobriety. My Sis is bi-polar and she does and says things that can be hurtful to others, and to herself. Her meds have to be constantly tweeked to keep her straight. Her DH deserves a medal. I think you do too!
My determination to stay on this diet is still strong. I am on my third day. I know I have my head on straight now.
I was right, the dentist says I need a crown! My portion will be $320. His first available appt for that was May 17th. The day before my colonoscopy! I will be staying very close to the bathroom that day. So it will be the next week.
Woke up to ants on my kitchen counter. Those little bitty ones. I saw no line of them heading to anywhere. I will be vigilant in getting those little buggers!!
My DIL finally tried the 2 covers I made for her lawn chairs. They need to be 1" narrower. Now I can fix them and go on with the other 4. That is all I have to do today.
Everyone have a fantabulous day.
Grammylew in Jax
Been a while since I could post but I do keep up with reading most days. I just get busy with life!
The past couple of days I have had weird thoughts. I feel guilty about rejoicing about someones violent death. It seems wrong but I still find myself glad the evil man is dead.
Its cold and wet here in Owosso again though it might get warmer today. I was out checking the lilacs yesterday They aren't going to be open for mothers day. since before I married I took my MIL lilacs on mothers day continuing to visit the grave with my love offering for her. Now I take them to my mom since she is no longer allergic to them but they wont be ready this year till late. That's OK Moms do have a way of understanding!!!
Prayers going out for all friends here
I am doing so much better -- actually going to take myself to walmart for a tiny bit of shopping. Walked to the mailbox twice yesterday, and even rode a mile on my recumbent bike! After two nights of not sleeping I gave it over to God when I went to bed last night and told him, "okay you're in charge -- I need to sleep" and I DID!
Sunshine here this morning, but cool -- actually heard the furnace kick on a while ago.
Monica, don't let yourself be a door mat.....I took verbal abuse for years from my late husband...we finally had a sit down talk and I let him know I wasn't going to take it anymore -- it got resolved. I'm so proud of your sobriety -- each day a new record....congrats!
Good thoughts and prayers to all my friends here.
Pat R.
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