As I go along this new journey, I have a huge question

How is WLS different than following a very popular weight loss program where you meet once a week that begins with a W?  I guess I question, how can someone NOT follow the program after several weeks/months, and yet continue to follow the forever-changing WLS program?

I did ask this same question at the informative meeting yesterday, and the answer there was you have a tool to help you.  But.....I am reading that people stretch their tool (pouch) and can end up right back where you started.  This is something that you need to work on daily. 

Question:  Does the craving for food, hunger, and all that goes along with being obese change once you have the WLS?

I'm so confused at this point.  My type 2 diabetes is way out of control, and the WLS will cure that along with other health issues I have.

Any help or insight would be appreciated.  I'm overwhelmed at this point.  Is this normal?  It's definitely something that I will not take lightly, it's a HUGE decision and a life-altering one.

I worry about the relationship with my husband and the changes that will take place if I choose WLS.  Food is a large part of our relationship.  When I am following the W program seriously, at least I can have steamed shrimp and a beer or two on the weekend.  My problem is, I can't stick with the program for more than 20 or so weeks.  I can't get beyond losing 23 pounds, and then gain it all back and then some.

HELP!  I'm so confused.

Thanks so much for any insight/input, and have a great Wednesday!

Debbie

It sounds to me like you are talking about the old demon "head hunger". We have to work hard to retrain our minds.
I too had Type 2 diabetes. I have been a resolved diabetic ever since I had my surgery. The health benefits have been the main reasons why I had this surgery.
People ask me all the time if I will evber be able to eat normally again. My response is simple. I wasn't eating normally to begin with. This tool help us to learn to eat normally which is another way of saying eating healthy. Yes, we can screw it up. I know I don't want to go back to what I was. I bet you won't either.
Shrimp is very good for you by the way. I know a few people drink a beer from time to time. Personally, I stick to my chocolate martinis.
Life starts again with WLS- it doesn't end!!
Best of luck.

Hi Debbie,

Sorry that I've been calling you Rosey. . .

Ok, basically, my answer would be this as to the differences. . .  WLS is a permanent alteration towards helping achieve a goal of health and better living.  In many instances, if you don't do the work that goes along with eat, things such as making the right food choices, you pay a price in that you may experience side effects that can be embarrassing or make you physically ill, such as flatulence or dumping (vomiting/diarrhea/severe sweating, heart racing), so to avoid those symptoms you generally would adhere to the "rules of the pouch", in other words, making the right choices.  If you "stretch" your pouch, well then, guess what, you very well may gain all your weight back, I know a few folks who've done that.  This is not a magic bullet, it is a tool, once it is in place, YOU have to do the work.  Proper choices, right amount of fluids, exercise, vitamin regime for LIFE!  If you can't or don't think you can do this, then this lifestyle is not for you.

As for the cravings, for some, relatively few, the hunger feeling goes away and they eat by the clock.  However, "head hunger" as we call cravings and or the feeling that we are hungry, when in reality it is our heads calling for something to soothe ourselves is an issue you will have to get in touch with via support group and/or finding yourself someone, in my group we call an accountability partner, in other words check as to whether you are really hungry, or feeding an emotion or filling a void of some sort.  Support is a very important tool whi*****reases your probability of success.

As for your relationship with your husband, well I can't, nor can anyone else tell you how that will be affected, if you have a good relationship now, chances are it will continue to be good, though there may be some rough patches as you go through the emotional roller coaster that WLS can bring you in the first year or so, fat stores estrogen, there are real physical and emotional changes ahead as you lose your weight, another reason support is so important, because people who have experienced it can best help you through it.  As for food being a big part of your relationship, you will just be eating differently and a whole lot less, initially your husband may feel like he lost his food buddy, but over time, he may come to like what you become, time will tell.  As for alcohol, I will tell you that I learned something interesting at my last support group, someone said for every alcoholic beverage consumed, it shuts down our metabolism for 72 hours, which means that you will essentially be defeating the purpose of WLS, perhaps after you've lost a substantial amount of your weight an occasional beer won't hurt, but forget about the idea of it in the first 6 months, as most surgeons will tell you not to partake of it anyway, it's full of empty calories better spent on your protein intake. . .

The bottom line here, is what are you willing to change permanently?  This surgery will lead to a healthier you, so will WW or a variety of other programs, which one are you willing to adhere to permanently.  It is all about the choices we make each day, surgery guarantees a certain result, but maintaining that result will be about your choices going forward.

Hope my answers help you.

Best wishes as you undergo the process towards healthier living, Laureen

Hi Debbie,

I'm sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed. I'm sure with time you will have the clarity that you need and will make the correct choices for you. After my lifelong battle with my weight and watching many tv programs regarding WLS and reading as much as I could I knew that was the route that I wanted and although my BMI was not high enough I was willing to do anything I could in order to have the surgery. I couldn't yo-yo diet again knowing that I was doomed to regaining my weight; I needed to do something different and WLS had the most success of keeping the weight off. Although I was crippled with a bad hip and couldn't walk without a cane I was willing to gain an additional 25 pounds to qualify for WLS and have never regretted it for a moment.

Do the cravings change? For me, no. I'm like an alcoholic and food is my drug of choice. During my first year I wanted the results more than anything in the world and I used every tool in the book in order for me to reach my goal. In 8 months I lost 100 pounds to reach my goal and then lost another 15 pounds after that. I had reached the same goal at least 3 times on WW and was a life member but I was never able to keep it off for more than a moment. I've now been mainintaining my 115 lb. weight loss for 8 months. The food cravings are still there sometimes now that I've introduced more food into my daily diet. I find maintenance much more difficult than strictly adhering to a very low calorie diet, but when I find myself having to add extra calories to my diet in order to stop losing, that's when I always get in trouble. But when I attempted to maintain my weight before WLS I truly starved myself, eating about 1200 calories/day to maintain. Now, after WLS I maintain on 1800 calories/day -- a huge difference because of "my tool".

You also fear your relationship changing with your husband. That will happen, I'm sure. No relationships stay the same, especially after life-altering events. I've been married 3 times. Husband #1 (father to my children) was bi-polar and after 13 years of living with "insanity" I couldn't handle it any longer. Husband #2 was obese and I gained a lot of weight while married to him and then we went on a diet together. That was the first time I lost 100 lbs. and the same week as I hit my goal he left me, unable to lose the weight with me I'm sure he felt like a failure. Husband #3 (my current 15-year spouse) is there for me while I've been thin, fat, and in between. He supports me no matter what. In 11/2008 I had an upper body lift and couldn't use my arms for a few days. He fed me, washed my hair, brushed my teeth for me, and even flossed for me. When I first told him that I was going to have WLS but would need to lose 25 pounds first he said, "you don't want to do that". He was afraid of losing me or complications. I needed to attend 6 months of supervised classes before surgery and he went to every meeting with me. After the first meeting he learned a lot and from that day forth supported me 100% of the way. I am in awe of his love and devotion and consider myself very lucky to have found someone so kind, caring, and loving. We still go out to eat at least twice a week and he appreciates that I only eat about 1/3 of my meal so I can take it home and he is able to have it later for left overs! Yes, without a doubt your relationship will change with him. Keep him in the loop and share your fears with him. Open communication is the key.

I'm sorry for such a long post, but I've read some of your posts and believe you need to hear from many people to help you make the right choices for you. All the best to you and don't hesitate to contact me if you have any further questions.

Debbie, WLS is such a huge decision!  You are probably talking RNY, but you didn't specify.  I have the band.  We can stretch our pouch, also.  But we can always go and get a fill if our restriction gets less.

Cravings?  Well, I still get an occassional hankerin' for a cookie, or some ice cream.  I will give in to that now and then.  The beauty of my band is, I can't eat an entire package of cookies, or an entire 1/2 gallon of ice cream any more.  I also find I don't WANT to.  I think before WLS, when I was on a diet and I ate those things I felt I was 'cheating'.  I figured if I was cheating I better eat it all because I was gonna go back to dieting and never be able to eat that again.  Now, I don't feel I am dieting.  I can eat anything I want.  If I have 2 cookies, I am fine leaving the package around and having 2 a day until I get tired of them and send them to my son's house!  It took me a while to get here.  I went through a period of not even being able to have the stuff in the house!

Tastes?  My taste has changed dramatically.  I used to love chocolate in almost any form.  Now, the only chocolate I can stand is my ff hot chocolate.  Chocolate candy, chocolate on cookies, any other chocolate tastes like dust to me!  I used to not be able to tolerate spicey foods, now I really enjoy hot stuff.

Relationship with your DH?  No one can say.  I've been married 43 years.  We have been through LOTS.  WLS is nothing!  We used to eat out a lot.  We still do.  Not as much, but that is economy based.  I eat less, and I eat slower, we are done at the same time.  But that will soon all change.  My DH is getting banded next month.

Who says you can't have steamed shrimp?  Beer, OK, that is carbonated, you do have to pass that up, but is it THAT important to you?  You could switch to wine, or a nice margarita?

Ultimately, you have to decide if WLS is for you.  You have to decide what type of WLS is for you.  You should do as much research as you can.  Your doctor, nutritionist and psych eval will all help you make these decisions.  Good luck to you.

Hi Debbie:

I was where you are more than six years ago, when I was considering WLS. I swore I would never have this  surgery, I enjoyed food too much. Well, I still enjoy food, just not in the same quantities. My pain doc told me if I didn't lose weight (I was 350 pounds), I would be in a wheelchair and unable to care for myself. I had spinal arthritis, degenerative disc disease and arthritic knees and feet. I was literally crushing myself.

I chose life over the wheelchair. I chose life over food. I chose the surgery over food. I still enjoy food ... I am one of those who can enjoy a sweet now and then without dire consequences (so I mus****ch it ... I can't have a lot or I will suffer). I too enjoy a beer (but one is my limit ... two gets me really drunk very fast).

I also did WW so many times I can't begin to count it. I would lose 50, go off, plateau, gain it back, go back on, lose the 50 pounds, plateau, get discouraged ... well, you get the picture, until I was 350 pounds. WLS was the only program that worked for me.

I have lost 180 pounds since having surgery in June 2004 and have so far kept it off. Has it been easy? No, I struggle every day to keep it off, especially since I have had two knee replacement surgeries on the same knee and can't exercise as much as I would like. I struggle with emotional eating yet and still see a psychologist regularly. The doctors give us a tool, but we still have to work at it. I have seen people at work have the surgery and then gain it back ... but I am determined not to be one of them because when I told my mom I was having the surgery, the first thing she said was, "You'll gain it all back." (She'd seen something on TV about celebrities who did this.) I will not allow myself to prove her right.

It is a big decision. Lots of people have lost massive amounts of weight on WW (my sister is one of them ... she has kept it off for many years). That's great. I was never able to do it.

As for your relationship with your hubby, it may change. Some of my friends' relationships changed ... some don't communicate any longer, some relationships have evolved, some are stronger. But I've made new friends because of this board. I can't say what will happen with your hubby. Only you will know how strong that bond is.

Hope I've helped.

Just wanted to say thanks for this topic.  It helped me with some of my choices
Val

Thank you all so much for your replies, support, honesty, and directness.  I see through each of you that life begins with WLS, a healthy, refreshing, new life!

My husband and I are completely honest with each other.  I have shared with him my feelings.  He supports me in whatever decision I choose.  Of course, he would prefer for me to lose the weight on my own without surgery, but he will support me no matter what I choose.  I'm blessed in that he loves me unconditionally, thin, chubby, obese.  I've gained 80 pounds in the 25 plus years of our marriage, yet he continually tells me how good I look. 

I guess what I'm feeling is natural.  I want to be sure I'm doing the right thing.  I know the reasons are right in that I want good health.  I'd rather a lifestyle change of this magnitude to be because I want it, not because I must have a lifestyle change because of a stroke or heart attack.

I have two books to read, one being "Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies" and "Weight Loss Surgery."  I feel I have six months to gain as much knowledge as I can to make the best decision for me.

Again, thank you all for sharing so much information with me.
 
Debbie

P.S.  LOL - It's okay to call me Rosey - lots of e-mail buddies do.

Debbie,

Sounds like your husband is a wonderful man and one of many reasons to chose to live the rest of your life as healthy as you can!  Also, I started researching almost 2 years before my actual surgery and watched family members who had had the surgery for signs that it was not a good choice, with the exception of 1 family member, all did extremely well, 2 of them are over 4 years post-surgery and maintaining the healthy, thinner lifestyles they now have, 1 gained all her weight back, she did not make right choices. . .  and yes, it will be a see saw as you go through the hurdles that will take you to your actual surgery date, if that is the way you chose to go.

Again, best wishes, Laureen

Hi Debbie,
Great for you asking questions. Sounds like you have a supportive hubby. I divorced mine of 27 yrs. because he would not support WLS and we had other problems.

As you enter into your WLS, chose to think of this as life-style change and not a diet. This is for lifetime. You will need to exercise. You will learn to reach for protein first, then fresh veggies/fruits...that's after you are cleared for food post op. You will have to take vitamins for the rest of your life.

I'm now remarried to a wonderful man. I'm at goal, exercise everyday...or almost every day. I chose exercise as my "cross addiction" before I even had surgery. I have an addictive personality. I'm addicted to food. I have head hunger. I deal with it.

WLS certainly is not the easy way out. It's a gift, a tool and you will never be the same afterwards. You will have to learn to speak up for your health. Be sure to get you annual lab draws. Learn what is normal for post op bariatric lab results. What is normal for some might not be for you. YOu will learn your body all over again. You life will get better, you will get your health back. I no longer have high bloodpressure, sleep apnea, Gurd, reflux, backpain, kneepain and that darn hump on my back at the top of my neck is gone!!! Now my boobies...that's a whole nuther' story!!