Rules of the Locker Room

  Gentlemen of the Locker Room.  Lately it seems we've been inundated with imposters of the opposite sex, cross-posts from the Main Board, as well as internal posts that are taboo.  In response to a posting that stirred up a pot of bullsh*t within our ranks I responded with a listing of Locker Room Principles...principles for men, by men.  These principles are time honored and tested - traditions that cannot and will not be compromised.  It was requested by a few distinguished members of the board to publish the rules on their own as reference!  Let it be known from this day forward, these are the rules, these are the realities of WLS for Men in the Locker Room, this is for the love of all that we hold sacred: 1.  NO CHICKS ALLOWED!  Look what they did to the Beatles and the Dallas Cowboys 2.  Burps, farts and other bodily noises are not encouraged, they are required! 3.  Post-operative penis enlargement phenomenon discussions welcomed 4.  Bare-assed towel snapping is allowed (deserved or just for the hell of it) 5.  There is a permanent ban on anything regarding menstrual cramps 6.  Zero tolerance of  "I don't follow the rules and don't know why I gained weight" discussions 7.  Reasonable and semi-tasteful exploitation of the opposite sex is acceptable (because they deserve it) 8.  Nose hair, ear hair, back hair, unidentified and sudden appearance of hair in various places is a valid topic for dicussion 9. Risk of Sudden On-set Testicle Dunking Syndrome (holy crap tha****er's cold!) should be disclosed by law in pre-op discussions with Surgeon 10.  Sports (Watching it, doing it, wanting to do it - it's all good!) 11. Scars, bruises, blood, guts, mud, bbq, beer, Rambo, heavy metal, Smith & Wesson, nuff said! 12.  Pats on the back and kicks in the ass are within mere inches of one another! 13.  Beans, beans, the musical fruit the more we eat the more we toot! 14.  6 inches = 1 foot! 15.  There should be a Guiness World Record for turd length and volume! 16.  Fear of the catheter or any foreign substance in our willies is acceptable 17.  Post-op farts are so lethal blaming the dog is no longer an option 18.  Topics cross-posted from Main Board will result in slow, painful death! 19.  The Locker Room is not a hair salon, PTA Meeting, or Psychiatrists Office and definitely not Match.Com or eHarmony.com.  If you're looking for love or a piece of a$$ this ain't the place, GET OUT! 20.  We don't give a rat's a$$ what kind of surgery you had - your surgery is what was best for YOU and ONLY  YOU.  Discussions of what surgery is superior to another are irrelevant and will not be tolerated! 21.  NO OPRAH!  NO STAR JONES!  NO CARNIE WILSON!  NO DANCING WITH THE STARS! 22.  Women should be placed on a pedestal - high enough to see up their skirts! 23.  Men do not find amusement in fact that titties deflate and sag below waist post-op!!!! 24.  NO F*CKING DRAMA!!!!!  25.  Did I mention, NO F*CKING DRAMA???? This list is not all inclusive...additions to the list will be reviewed and voted on by the Locker Room for acceptance! Cards Fan

23. No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!  Oh, wait. Wrong board.

Well said. Oh, did you notice rule 21 and 22. Read it again.

----- 
Even the toughest criminals become remarkably docile 
 once separated from society by six feet of soil. 

Cards Fan, You're my Hero! That was hilarious, and yet so relevant.

Great list.  I assume you forgot what #1 did to the Cowboys. Rob

I assume you're talking about Yoko Romo...

This is so funny I almost peed myself.  Great rules for the drama deprived.  BTW, it wasn't #1 that brought down the Cowboys, it was the Giants!!  ;-)

Words to live by, well said my brother

This place has rules?  AWW HELL!  That's lame! There have been too many chicks here lately, and the dykes from the main board!

Will someone at OH please "sticky" this post at the top of our messageboard like they do with the magazine offers and notices, etc...