Who are we to try to persuade someone?

Hey guys -

I have been thinking very hard about AttnyDallas post recently. I needed to voice my opinion for what it is worth. This is it, only my opinion.....

As I go down this journey post op, I have noticed that my heart goes out to many people. Mainly to guys. I see guys that eat way to much, can't walk, can't breathe, and can't even bend over to pick things up. I want to tell them that they don't have to live like that anymore. The thing is, I WOULD NEVER DO THAT! I would be in fear of my life!! I mean come on, if someone said that to you pre op and before you knew about the WLS, wouldn't you get pissed!!

When I started up the mens support group, I didnt know what to expect. I was new, but I know I wanted to help guys. I now have a pretty good group of guys. They range from pre op's, newbies, to guys multi years out (thanks Russ). Through all this I have learned that people can not be forced, persuaded or sold into doing something.

I do talk with many many men who are thinking of haveing WLS. But I get the names from the facilitating company I host my groups at. All I do is call and talk to them about my WLS success. I explain to them that I am not a Dr and do not and never will offer medical advise. I answer any questions, based on my research and personal experiences. All I do is convey my experience and my new life to them. At that time THEY make the decision. I do not push or try to force them.

I will tell you from my experience, there has been many guys who have followed through and have had WLS or have dates set. I know it is not me selling WLS to them, but more sharing my new life with them. I dont give myself any credit. It does however make me happy to hear that someone else is get a new life!!

I say all that to say this - we are not anyone to try to persuade someone to do something. People make up their own minds. Like one of the reply's stated - you can lead a horse to water..... All we can do is tell them about WLS and hope that our excitement and joy of our new lives can encourage them to do the same. We can not make anyone make that decision.

That is how I feal, I needed to voice my fealings.

Sean

Hey Sean, You are no-doubtedly Saving lives by sharing your experience. Many of us here have done so. This topic of " Who are we to persuade…" is an interesting one. What I find interesting is that Paul "cross-posted" the same question here and the Main Board. http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/a,messageboard/action ,replies/board_id,4856/cat_id,4456/topic_id,3489519/

There, it was open season for "Snarkasm" and some flaming and gnashing of teeth. Here? Just a topic for discussion. I love that about you guys! Many different viewpoints and perspectives are expressed here and yet, some how everyone has maintained their focus on the topic, Rather than the Original Poster. I work in the Theater. Having you guys as a Break from the Drama, Is so nice! High-Five to you all! Sean, hope the support group is growing and doing well for all of you in Houston. If more of us had such an option in our neck of the woods, Message Boards like OH and QuixoticWLS Would be unnecessary. Best Wishes- Dx

I'm only half-way to goal, and I personally don't feel I could even think about "selling" this surgery until I had been at goal and maintained it for at least a year. At that point I would personally consider my WLS a "success". As everyone here knows, going on a diet and losing weight is not the hard part of this journey. But even at that point, I seriously doubt I would do that. I actually have a personal experience similar to this on the "other side" of the coin to draw upon. Over the years as I've tried various diets I've started and stopped many exercise programs. Once, when I was going to the gym regularly and lifting weights, this guy was working out next to me. He looked like the typical hard-core body builder, very lean, very muscular, you know, one of the "beautiful people." At the time I was probably around 224 or so. Anyway, out of the blue he said to me "you know, I used to be overweight too." My first reaction was embarrassment, followed by anger. Those were just instinctual reactions. I think I just said something like "oh, really?" And then he said yea, it took him about 3 years to lose the weight, just by working out, and that I was doing fine and if I kept at it I could get there too. Looking back, I know he was just trying to help a fellow guy and share his success story and be encouraging, but at the time I didn't see it that way, or at least FEEL that way. For me, I think before I finally committed to having WLS I was in denial about being overweight - no - OBESE. Yea, I knew all about the BMI charts and I knew intellectually that my body weight made me a member of that club, but I didn't FEEL obese, and I didn't identify myself that way. When I looked in the mirror I often ignored the fat body and just saw my inner self and I felt fine. Funny, after WLS when I look at myself I am sometimes overwhelmed by how bad I look, but now it's only because I know where I am going, and I have a ways to go to get there. But I've finally accepted that I was (and still am ) obese. I don't know if other people react this way too, but if they do, then I know that trying to motivate a total stranger 2 years from now when I'm in good shape probably won't go over very well, no matter how good my intentions are.

Rob -
I agree with you and thanks for being so open and honest. That is what I'm talking about.....I bet inside you wanted to pick up a 25 lbs plate and beet Mr Perfect upside the head!!!

I to was in denial for years. I, like you, didnt feal obese inside.

I am not a total success, I'm about 72 from goal and then my skin removal!!

Thanks again for sharing.

Sean

I don't think I would ever advise someone to do this to themselves unless they knew me already, and asked me about it.  Then, I would advise them to ONLY do it after all other options have been explored. That being said, when I see very overweight kids, or teenagers, I want to go up to them, shake the crap out of them (or their parents) and scream in their face "STOP IT... LOOK AT ME.. DO YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE THIS? DO YOU WANT TO HAVE TO HAVE MAJOR SURGERY, TOTALLY REROUTE YOUR PLUMBING, JUST TO CONTROL YOUR FRIGGEN APPETITE? But then I take a deep breath, walk away, and just feel like crying for them, because I know what they're going to go thru.  so .. which is better.. embarass them, or or let them go thru what I have? Dale

Dale, I am having a lot of the same feelings and thoughts when I see obese people.  I thought about smokers the same way when I stopped smoking, and drinkers the same way when I stopped drinking! I, too, don't think I'd advise anything until I am at goal. Best, CB

I want to add a slightly different perspective.  I had a high weight of 571 and I now weigh 365.  I realize that my current weight is higher than many of you ever weighed.  What I want to say is that you don't know where a person is along their life journey when you see them in a restaurant. There was a time when I did discretely try to talk to people I caually met in public.  However, I soon found many who had been denied by ins or others, who like me, had already had the surgery and were on their journey.  I found it better to just be here and to be available to anyone who wanted to ask me about my surgery.  I do know of some people who did pursue WLS after being referred to me by friends or relatives.  In addition, my wife has told some people in her office about what I went through and they've got info from her (my wife didn't have nor need WLS).

I would never, ever approach someone that was overweight and tell them about weight loss surgery.   We've ALL been there and for the most part all of us were pretty miserable.  The people you see that are overweight know what kinda shape they are in and unfortunately if they don't want to are maybe they aren't willing to TAKE that step then that's their personal problem.   Unless they have a thyroid condition (I'm not a doc and I'm mostly pulling this outta my ass but I think 5% or so of overweight conditions are genuine thyroid problems) then they got themselves into that situation.   Eating way too much and exercising way too little.   Sucks to speak it but that's the truth.  I got MYSELF into that exact situation and until I took personal responsibility and it wasn't until I had WLS that I finally got my life back. 

Now if someone that is morbidly overweight approaches me (either in person or via the Internet) and asks me about weight loss surgery I will absolutely tell them about it.   Hell I have met with at least 3 different individuals over the last 4 months that have contacted me in person and here on OH to tell them about what I went through and give them advice on what their next steps could be if they do decide to have surgery.   I met with each of these people in person for around 2 hours each.   I look at it like this...  I have been given a gift.  That gift is for me to have lost the massive amount of weight that I have lost and start to live a healthy, active life.   My debt to the good Lord is that I will forever do my part to help people that were in the same shape that I was.   Be that in counseling as a support group coordinator, providing support in person or online, or providing them personal training services, it's all good to me.    Personal training certification test is coming up in a couple months.   I hope I pass the first time.  :) 

 

I agree with what you guys are saying. I would never approach someone and tell them about the surgery. I am there and will offer info if they ask or are interested. Most of the people I talk to have already started the approval process and just need to talk to a guy. Most of the classes and support groups are women. I know its kinda uncomfortable to sit around and her women talk about their menstral cycle and how it changed!!!

Sean

  For the record (since many people apparently read something into my original post that wasn't in there, or shouldn't have been, esp. the ladies) I don't beat anyone over the head to have the surgery or just walk up to them and confront them in public  .. I'm no preacher.  I just see some people in the same miserable trap I was in, and, if they seem to be struggling and want something better in their conversations with me, I let them know there is a way out and LIFE (and yes, there are people out there who still don't know about WLS, haven't seriously looked into it, or have never met anyone who has had it) ..  I do this only by sharing my own story with them .. they're free to leave, tell me to shut up, or whatver .. But, I have never had anyone do anything but express sincere interest and ask questions afterward .. sometimes many, as that couple in my office did that day (and NO, I did not charge them for that "time'", as one gal accused me of doing - grrrrr)  ...   I really don't see why the need to be ashamed of our surgery (see my post earler on "Clops" - closet post-ops) or not willing to share this miracle with others ..  I'm constantly reminded of Ramon's (BigDawg) orders at his break-out groups, over and over, to "pay it forward" ..  in other words, help out your fellow man with their weight loss journey whenever you can ..  My DS ();-) also reminds me of this "duty" as a post-op whenever she asks me to give someone help that needs it  ..  Seems like I'm getting beat up now for doing just that, or trying to (unless I'm misinterpreting something here)  &:-/)   Geez - I wonder now how Richard Simmons, Susan Powter, and the like ever got so popular!  (and they DO go up to total strangers and "preach" the way of weight loss to them)   (btw, for those who don't feel comfortable talking about their surgery to those in need, you can always "anonymously" leave one of the OH cards near them, their car, etc.  .. they can read them, hang onto them, or toss them ..  I do that once in a while  --  that's what they're for)    I just wanted to clear that up ..  off my soapbox now ..