Apology up front... A long "Journal-ish" post, just rambling....
DX, not knowing you (except on these boards) it seems one of the biggest prizes your dad won was the hand in marriage of your mom. Just hearing how you speak and your eloquence, she must be a very special sensitive woman. Just wondering about your set design skills, where they came from. More from your mother or your father? Yes, they are acquired skills, but some must come from genes and home environment...We'll try to be there with you, through these next challenging few months. Thanks for sharing things that many men never get around to sharing. Brian
I thank you for your post along with the other men here. Showing our fathers that we love them is sometimes hard. And, if they went through the depression, many of them want to maintain their independence without showing any vulnerability. However, age does catch up with everyone.
Contrary to your father, my Dad was a jack-of-all trades and a master of all of them. He's maintained his weight most of his life and is still in good health as far as his heart goes. However, he has hearing aids in both ears and maculare degeneration in both eyes. The latter is the hard one since this man who loves to fix things has difficulty seeing. He can do jobs such as plumbing where the parts are big, but can't do most carpentry or electrical work. Heck, we should all be that lucky at 83.
He wasn't overtly affectionate until he reached his 60s. We always knew he loved us. My brother lives much closer to him and sees him at least once a month. I only get to see him a few times a year. I don't have his abilities but my brother does.
When I was healthy, I could do basics like gardening and mowing the lawn. But, whenever we needed repairs, we called Dad. Life's getting more expensive now that we've got to write the checks for repairmen to do what he used to do.
Enjoy your Dad while you can. Record whatever you can of your time with him via video, pictures or audio tape. Yes, you will have memories of him for the rest of your life, but you can also cherish whatever he has to tell you now if you can record it.
Jim Dx!
WOW!
I went through alot of these same things 6 years ago. My Dad died on January 6th 2002. He entered the hospital on thanksgiving 2005 and never came home. He had been suffering from lung cancer for 4-5 years.
My Dad was an alcoholic born and raised in East Texas and had to take care of his family form an early age. I was adopted at birth but to their great fortune my parents were able to have two bilogical children after my adopiton. Dad and were never close or evne friends much after thatn until I was in my 30's, This hurts still today.
My dad was the Phone and check book kind of guy and thus I can't even change the oil in my car. Painting a room is a huge event for me. The joke is if dad (me) grabs a hammer someone stop him and show him which end to use.
Unfortunately I do not have that type of wisdom to hand over to my children.
I have become more of the policeman of the house. My son constantly tells me and anyone that will listen how he hates me. He is 16. I have to enforce all of the groundings he ends up on. Wife will not back me up on any of these and I am constantly the bad guy.
when I read postings like this and with the anniversary of my Dad's death it makes me wonder what I can do to better my relationship with my son. He was very supportive during my surgery and has constantly encouraged me to some degree he was always amazed at how small my waist was getting.
I just want that father knows best type of relationship with my son. It hurts more than anyone can ever know that we are not that close.
Guess I can always dream.
anyway......
Dx, thanks again for sharing this side of your life with us. It causes us all to pause and reflect on our own lives.
God Bless You
Powerful, powerful message and thread, DX! Thanks for sharing your story and for starting the thread. My pops passed when I was one so I grew up without one but had a great mom and seven siblings. We always refer to ourselves during our childhood as "the band of coyotes." Mom had to work to keep us together and we pretty much raised ourselves. Needless to say, we were out of control most of the time.
Without a father figure to emulate, I've tried to bumble along and be the best father I could to my four children. All I can say, is I am a 1000% better father post-WLS. As you said, being able to do things with the kids has made all the difference in the world. More importantly, to me anyway, is the fact that I am a much more optimistic person rather than the ranting, moody, impatient pile I was when I was morbidly obese.
I tried to be a good father and good person in general when I was obese but I wasn't able to be that person due to my physical and corresonding low self-esteem issues. Life is so much sweeter now despite my ongoing trevails (marriage and such). My positive outlook to life is one of the best things I can pass on to my kids. LIFE can be such a joy despite the load we all carry with us each and every day.
bGod Bless you Dx as you and your family deal with your fathers heath problems.
Boner
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