why would they say that?????????

Everyone seemed to be so supportive untill I actually got my date. Now some of my closest friends just dont understand why I am actually going thur with this. Are they jealous? Are they truly just scared of the unknown, one actually told me " I dont know why you think this will be any different, you dont have any willpower" My husband has started to get really nervous, how did you deal with this, I am starting to doubt my decision. I know this is the best thing for me. What do I do????????

I think alot of people just have the fear of the unknown alot of times... Some people are jealous, and some are just down right irresponsible with their mouths... I had some co-workers tell me if I really went thru this I was gonna die... Thats when I really got ticked and decided I just couldn't listen to everyone's negativity. I knew that without this surgery I was gonna die anyway. I finally chose to tell people that I appreciated their concern for me, but I had to do what I knew was right for me. I am sure you have researched this decision to have this surgery, and not done it without alot of forethought. Try your best not to let people make you doubt yourself. While it can be very serious, doing nothing can be more serious. And allow your family to be nervous... it is their right to worry about you. just reassure them that the alternatives might be worse, and that you are doing this to improve your life, not destroy it. Keep your chin up, and get ready for the journey of a lifetime... It is so well worth it. Many prayers of strength and comfort coming your way!!! Susan Lap RNY 12-1-04 285-187-155 (-98)

Hi, Erin... You know, I go through very same experience right now.....I don't believe that any of my friends are jealous or irresponsible, but yet I hear a lot of: " Did you really think it all through? Maybe you should give it one more try in more conservative way?", e.t.c.... they even started bringing me some brouchures on various weight-loss programs....I'm 100% positive that they are all well-meaning .... and totally clueless.... As for my hubby.... who has been my biggest supporter and fan in Everything I've done fo the last 10+ years..... now he's absolutely freaking out and saying strangest things ever.... that I'm not even going to repeat here(just to spare his "reputation), because I know that he's just too worried to even think straight... I know that people who love us will come to be supportive no matter what... and those who don't.... who needs them anyway? Just take a deep breath and think how things should be in let's say.... a year from now... I'll be having surgery on Monday 08/08/05....if you are at Lanier Park, don't be a stranger, come by and say "hi"... best of luck to you, Rita

Erin - why would they say that? If they're obese, they may be jealous. Or they may live too fearful a life themselves to understand how someone could be more willing to risk surgery than to risk the dangers of remaining obese. (At least their obesity is a 'known' item, something they may have grown comfortable with. Your decision to have surgery is a challenge to them.) If they're not overweight, it's probably just concern for your wellbeing. I have a sister-in-law (she and my brother are both more obese than I was) who was just certain I was going to die. So glad to disappoint her! I'm now 6 months out, 85 lbs. lighter, and in much better health than I have been in for many years. I'm sure you did not make this decision lightly. If you've done your homework and researched all the risks and decided this is best for you, assume these friends mean the best, assure them you appreciate their concern, and that you would like to have their support through this. If they can't give it to you... they don't strike me as being much of a friend after all. Best of success to you, Cheryl

Erin, Don't let anyone decide this for you. Most people are afraid of change and this new journey of yours is a big change. Fortunately my family was very supportive for me to have the surgery; however, even if they did not want me to I would anyway. I'm now 10 mts out from a size 26/28 to a 10, lost a total of 151lbs & currently weigh 159lbs;I have no regrets. You will change your eating habits and what foods you can or cannot eat and your life style will change, you have to do some form of exercise to tone up your muscles but its the best thing you can do for your self. Only you can help you and your health is the most important thing for you and your family. If your friends cannot accept the new you! Oh! Well! You'll make new ones. Life is too short and you have nothing to lose. I know I've been there and done that! This journey is a blessed one, and if anyone states it the easy way out their nuts, its not, you have a lot of restrictions and guidelines you will do for the rest of your life but its worth it all to be able to walk, run, play with your children or grand children. Love yourself first; everyone around you will love you! You will glow!:::::::::::::::

I, too, have experienced those same comments from my friends and co-workers. Especially, from those who have not been battling obesity for most of their life. Surgery IS a drastric step but our friends and co-workers have not been with us to see our struggles and failures with diet after diet. They don't understand the control food has over us...and it's ongoing battle even AFTER surgery. They see surgery as a "cure" not an ongoing "tool". WE understand the risks because we've researched and educated ourselves. To them, they see this as a drastic decision that is not thought out...putting our life at unnecessary risk. I know that my friends and co-workers (even some doctors) who suggested another diet or exercise routine, were just concerned about me; but, at that time, I wanted support and the afirmation that I was making a well-thought-out decision for my weight...AND...my life. However, they couldn't give me what I needed. After I finally realized that this afirmation had to come from within me...their comments and suggestions didn't bother me anymore. I just thanked them for their ideas...and that was it! Now that I'm 8 months out and almost 100lbs lighter...looking AND acting differently (more healthy), those same friends and co-workers frequently comment what a good decision I had made. BU****CH OUT!...there are "food police" out there. Those same friends and co-workers will watch what you eat EVERY TIME!! "You can eat that?" or "You can't eat that" is now one of their favorite sayings. This does get a little trying too.