Catching Up with Life...

Hey All, I've been a major lurker lately.  I've been sick with the flu - Emily (dd) came down throwing up last week and by Saturday afternoon I had it with a sick pooper. Just got back to work today.  I've been on basically water and some soup to stave off dehydration - didn't worry about protein or vitamins. My mom has been having more than enough serious health problems.  She's been in and out of the hospital, back home, and then to a nursing home for short-term care since January.  This last time she was rushed to the hospital with an O2 blood leval of 40%! Her lungs kept filling up with fluid and they couldn't figure out why.  Finally they determined it was her arteries to her kidneys that were blocked. So she had stents put in but the doctors say her kidneys look pretty worn out - but hopefully the stents will help some and she'll be strong enough to live in assisted living.  Mom is 78. Mom's health situation is causing a lot of family tension.  My oldest sister wants to step in as ringmaster - but smokes with Mom, doesn't keep Mom to her medication schedule, etc. Mom ends back up in the hospital and then my sister says, "Well...she's an adult, she's going to do WHATEVER she wants!!!"  Yep, yep, she's an adult and she'll do what she wants, but that doesn't mean you have to HELP her get the cigarettes as in go buy them for her AND smoke them with her!!  The final straw for me was when we found out that Mom needed this surgery, I volunteered to take Mom to the specialized hospital (300 miles from her house, 625 miles from my house) and stay with her for the procedure, get her back home and such.  I haven't got to spend 'alone' time with my mom in quite some time as I always have Emily with me and with the attention span of a gnat (at times), really trying to spend quality time with Mom is nay impossible.  Plus the hospital is in the same city I went to college in so I was looking forward to visiting with old friends.  I talked to Mom about taking her one day and that was fine with her.  I talked to my oldest sister and I explained my plan and that dh would take dd to day camp and such while I was gone - my sister stopped me and said, "That's unacceptable."  Huh, what? My sister said that Mom HAS to see Emily and she cries herself to sleep about not seeing Emily and it would kill her to see me without Emily.  I explained there is NO way I could bring Emily on the hospital trip, that I had already talked to Mom, etc.  So I called Mom again and said this is the plan and I just needed to get it cleared at work and I'd know for sure within the next 24 hours.  Mom told me no, if I can't bring Emily, don't bother, '(my oldest sister) can take me for the surgery - she can be here on Thursday.' I.WAS.DEVESTATED.  I haven't felt so rejected in I don't know how long. Oh I understand the grandmother thing and such but I have NEVER once seen my mother without Emily in the SIX years since she's been born!  It doesn't help that in the three times that I've needed my mom here to be with me since Emily has been born (when Emily was born, when Emily had heart surgery when she was 18 months old, and when I had surgery in December) my mom has been "stuck" somewhere else - where? At my oldest sister's house; my mom would make her way to my sister's house for a visit before coming to my house for whichever event and then at the last minute, something would happen and Mom would need to be a day, a few days, or a week late getting to my house.  It just sucks. However, in the midst of all of this I have now lost about 121 lbs. or so. I'm wearing a 3x (26/28) top and around a 30W pants.  I ordered a new swimsuit in a 4x from Junonia and it sooooo doesn't fit - ugh! So I ordered a tankini with baggier shorts - I ordered a 4x top and 5x in the shorts. Keep your fingers crossed. Guess this turned into a bit of a rant of the week...sorry.  Thanks for listening.  It's cheaper than therapy, right? LOL (But yeah, I'm still going to therapy on a regular basis.) Jana

Jana - lots of hugs going out to you! Congrats on the weight loss, that's fantastic!

Jana, I think that it's so nice of you to offer to help your mother with everything that she's going through.  I guess, like your sister says, she's going to do whatever she wants and if she's not going to accept your offers of assistance in the way that best balances the needs of her, Emily, and you, then there isn't a whole heck of a lot that you can do about it.  Personally, I would make the trip anyway to see your friends and to see your mom.  I'd tell her, well, if you want sis to take you that's fine, but I'm going to be in town visiting my college buddies and I'm also going to come and be with you too because you're my mom and I love you.  While I'm visiting we can call Emily on the cell phone so that she can say hello.  Family members can really get on your nerves if you let them. Congrats on the weight loss.    I just love Junonia's swimsuits.  I have more of them than any other 400+ pound person I bet!  It's just too bad that you're between sizes.  Keep up the great work!

Wow Jana, what you are going through really sucks.  I'd do almost anything to have my mom back (she died 7 years ago at 67 of a heart attack) and it sounds like you could have taken this opportunity to have some quality time with your mom.  It also sounds like someone has her "ear" and is sabotaging things.  I think what Newday said was great advice.  That would really show that you wanted to spend time with her even if you didn't drive her. Your weight loss is fantastic and I'm sorry you had the flu last week.  I'm hoping I don't have to go through that ever again. 

Thanks for the responses.  Mom's surgery was yesterday and she did well.  She and my oldest sister are on their way back to Mom's house.  It just sucks right now. Thanks Jana

So much is going on for you...stay strong and I'm sending BIG HUGS!!  :) BTW - I LOVE Junonia swimsuits.  They are the best quality suits I've ever bought and worn.  Too bad they are so expensive.  But you get what you pay for!  :)