New to the board, need help

Hi all, I'm a little over four months post op. Before I got the surgery, I weighed 340 lbs at 5'2" and couldn't stop myself from eating unhealthy food. I even was diagnosed with binge eating disorder and depression. I've been in therapy a long time and had come to the end of my rope. I needed something to force me to change, though I really didn't know if it would work. I guess that negative belief is playing itself out in my life right now. I went off my eating plan two weeks after surgery. It wasn't horrible but so early out, I realized that although I could eat much less, I still wanted to eat much more. Since then, I've had my good days and my bad days. I have more bad days then I think I should. I am not sure if I'm going to be able to truly succeed because I keep going off my eating plan. Has anyone struggled this much after surgery and still was successful? I'm so scared I'm never going to learn.

Hi Nicole, I'm glad you joined us.  You may have made mistakes along the way but its not too late to change that.  Do you track your food?  If not, you might want to consider trying it to see how many calories you are really eating each day.  The Daily Plate is the website I use, its free, and it has a ton of grocery items and restaurant items already entered.  Are you taking anything for depression?  I only ask because I know those medications can affect your appetite positively or negatively.  I started Zoloft recently, and in my case it really cut the cravings and urges to binge and virtually eliminated my appetite - but I know for some people its the opposite.  I was/am/will always be a binge eater, I just have to fight the urge constantly.  Surgery didn't really change that about me, but surgery was a reality check.  If I am in bad enough shape to be willing to have my guts rearranged, I've hit rock bottom.  440lbs was my rock bottom, and I never ever ever want to go back there.  That means making the best effort I can make - I owe it to myself, my body and my spirit, to make this surgery successful.  That doesn't mean I don't fall off the wagon.  Food addiction is a ***** (excuse the language) and its not like other addictions where you can avoid the substance - everybody has to eat.  I've made mistakes, and I will make more.  I don't ALWAYS make the best choices, but I try.  I do the best I can do at this point, and that's all I can ask of myself.  You can do it too sweetie, just take it one day at a time, and appreciate the LITTLE victories - making it through a day without succumbing to your food demons.  Celebrate every pound gone, instead of looking at all the rest you have to go.  I am guilty of that too - never being satisfied with my weight loss.  Why isn't it faster, I still have sooo much weight to lose, am I going to get there?  I don't know, but when the time comes that my weight loss stops, I'll have known I tried my best, and I'll sure be a lot better off than where I started. I wish you all the best, and hope you stick around and, as I mentioned this morning, I'd be happy to take a look at your food journal and give my opinion of where you might need some work.  Jenn

hi thanks so much for replying. i am taking paxil cr right now. i might try to see if my doctor will change me to zoloft. the paxil may be making my food demons worse! i'll look into that. and i will do a food journal. i need a reality check every five minutes.

Its possible changing antidepressants would make a difference, but if you change to another SSRI it may be the same issue - its kind of trial and error - also if you are still feeling depressed you may need to change your dose.  The RNY can affect how medication is absorbed, and a lot of people have to raise or lower their dosages after surgery.  I'd talk to your doc about how you are feeling and see what they think.  You sound like you are really down on yourself, and I don't know if thats a symptom of your depression or if you are just fed up with the food issues, or what.  Don't worry about getting flamed here, but no one is going to tell you what you are doing is GOOD either.  You've gotta work it out.  I hope we can help though! 

I think i am just fed up with the constant struggle. it never seems to end. it's very frustrating and it gets me down. it makes me feel defective. everyone else seems to get it but me. I don't think changing ssri's will help alot but you never know. i will at least discuss it with my doctor. as for the flaming issue, i don't need you to lie to me, just show compassion. also, i was hoping to find someone who didn't have the surgery work so well with their appetite but they still were able to overcome. i guess maybe i'm fooling myself in thinking that the successful people are having an easier time of it. i may just have to suck it up lol. duh right. no i just need someone to be nice and compassionate towards me and just be there for me.  i joined the dailyplate. i am only1nik on there if you want to find me and look at what i am eating. i put in what i ate today and although it's not completely accurate, it's in the ballpark and it's not that bad. but lots of carbs and not enough protein. so i did save the day at the end where i ate my chicken parm. when i get home, i have good stuff to eat so i should be fine. the urge to be bad is gone for now. lol. it's weird how it kicks me in the groin then just leaves like that. i have a few choice words for my mind, i tell ya.

Your calories look ok, but it looks like you really like pasta :) Have you tried any whole grain or whole wheat pasta? The only one I like is Ronzoni.  Last night I made a pasta dish and here is how I made it healthier: 3/4lb extra lean ground beef, browned and drained (and rinsed if you want, or use chicken or turkey) 2 cloves garlic 1 green bell pepper 1/2 onion 1/2c carrots 1/2c peas 1c cooked whole wheat pasta tomato sauce 1/2 parmesan for the entire dish So it was basically a lot of meat and veggies with just a little bit of pasta, rather than the other way around.  It was very family friendly and tasted good. To me the thing that really stands out is the lack of veggies - when you have the urge to munch have you tried a piece of fruit or some veggies?  You get the crunch and the freshness and its low calories.   I am not sure when you are cleared for salads or anything, but you should be able to at least handle some cooked veggies at this point, right?  If you eat ice cream and cookies, you obviously don't dump, so you could try replacing that sugar craving with fruit.  Another thing, when you have a carby meal, it causes your blood sugar to spike and then drop, which makes you want more carbs.  Its a vicious cycle and a big part of food addiction.  Eating protein and fiber (fruits, veggies, whole grain) prevents or eases those spikes by keeping your blood sugar level for longer periods of time.  Protein first, veggies next, then complex carbs like whole grains.  Use simple carbs sparingly and you will be more successful I think.  At this point you shouldn't have enough room for a lot of carbs if you fill up on protein, dense protein is best because it stays in the pouch longer.  Another thing about carby foods is they chew down really easily and slide right through the pouch instead of sticking around - so you can eat more and your pouch is empty sooner.  Dense protein is more satisfying in the long run.  Finally, diet coke?  Are you allowed carbonation? Its not recommended on my plan, because it can cause discomfort and (possibly) stretch the pouch.  Also, diet drinks seem to make people eat more and seem to be addictive in my opinion.  Have a glass of milk or soy for some protein, drink some herbal tea hot or cold, or stick to water or whatever you like best.  Hope that helps!  At 4 months out I was told to eat 60-80g protein, 800-1000calories, and 25g fiber.  I didn't worry about carbs and fat, I still generally don't, I just stay away from refined carbs as much as possible. 

this is not a good eating day for me. i don't normally have anything carbonated nor do i eat so many carbs. i do usually eat alot of veggies. a normal day for me would include things like onions, garlic, mushrooms, salsa, broccoli, stuff like that. this daily plate thing looks fairly easy to use but i eat alot of stuff that i make so that will be a pain to figure out. but i should. when i am eating right, i am afraid i am eating too much fat from cheese. i have to be careful of that. about the diet drinks, i do use alot of flavorings for my water. should i stop doing that? i have a hard time drinking just plain water.

No no definitely use flavorings for your water if it helps you get in all your water.  I think tracking helps, I don't do it all the time, but I try to do a few days a week just so I know I'm on target with my goals.  Early out I tracked every day so I would know if I got in enough protein.  Now I've got a pretty good idea how much protein is in most things I eat so I just track now and again to double-check, or if I have a bad day I'll track it to see how bad it was.   I think doing it every day for a few weeks to get a really good idea of your intake would be good, then you get a more realistic idea of what you are eating and where you could shave off a few calories or adjust your intake of a macronutrient.  It also helps to keep a food diary for a few weeks before you talk to a nutritionist.  Take some sample days with you next time you see your nutritionist and he/she will probably have some pointers.  Good luck! 

My first question is just what exactly do you mean by eating off of plan?  Are you eating the wrong stuff all day long or too much of the okay stuff? I would suggest you make an appointment with your surgeon and NUT and be very honest about what is going on with you.  Nip it in the bud as they say. Good luck! 

i mean eating the wrong things completely. ice cream, pasta, bread, cookies. that is what i ate this past weekend. and this has been going on from the beginning, though not as bad as this weekend. they know that i am struggling but for some reason, i don't stop. i am very scared because of it. why don't i change. i'm not stupid, i know what i am doing, but something takes over and doesn't care about how much the food is hurting me. i just don't get it.