Are You The Same Person You Used to Be?

In today's gym post, I mentioned that I had an unpleasant time with friends who came to town.  Our pal Kellie said that it was too bad they didn't realize I'm the same Kix, just in different packaging. It got me to thinking, "Am I the same Kix I used to be when I weighed 530 lbs?"  I'm beginning to wonder.  It goes much further than just the physical changes, but I don't have anything to really quantify my feelings.  Some days I feel the same, and others, well, I have no idea who this odd person is that's occupying my body! Are you the same person post-op that you were pre-op? Kix

Kix Im glad you posted this im not quite 4 mths out. But since the surgery ive learn that i have a voice, im not taking crap off of anybody anymore. I have always just turned my head when things where said or done, but not now no more crying my self to sleep over hurt feelings , i tell them what i think and then walk away(or run)lol. Im the same person on the inside i just now feel comfortable with my outside to say or do something. I find myself curling my hair and being picky over my clothes (more feminine), my dh thinks he is trouble fincially now. I feel the more weight i lose the more the true me will surface because i can physically do more. Do you feel your taste  in friends are changing as you do?

Because I had such a strong personality at my preop weight, my family and close friends are waiting with baited breath to see how my weight loss transforms me.  I honestly feel like the only thing that will be different is that I will be more physically active and I hope to find the self-confidence needed to put myself out on the dating scene.  I would love to be in a secure committed relationship - something I have never experienced - ever!   Lord help the world if I become more outspoken, more lively, more vivacious - because some days I am even a bit much for myself ..... LOL

No, I'm not the same at all. I guess that's good and bad. I too have friends that I've know for years, that won't invite me for dessert because they say they don't want to see me fail or eat in front of me. My response - I'm a big girl, not as big as I used to be, but I need to be allowed choices in life. As it so happens I still choose not to eat desserts, but that doesn't mean I don't like your company. My "fat friends" are no longer a part of my life. Is that because I've changed? I think so. I choose not to revolve my life around eating out all the time, where as, most of them do, it's the main thing we had in common. We've slowly drifted apart because of that. I also eat healthier and it makes them very self conscious around me.  I can also be an annoying nag, well, ok, that hasn't changed.

I think that we all change in some regard.  I can't tell  you why I got to be 374 pounds.  I was a chubby child, curvy teen, and started getting fatter and fatter as I got older.   I consider myself to have good self-esteem.  I have no issued talking in front of a group of people, standing up for what is right, or being someone else's mouthpiece (maybe too often).  I don't think that I was walked on, but I was one of those "yes" girls.  I never said no when someone asked for me to take on a project.  Maybe that was my way of wanting to be accepted.  who knows? I do feel, if I may, sexier since I've had surgery.  But from my perspective, at this point, I feel like all that's changed.

Great post, Kix, and an interesting question.  In some ways I'm the same person, and in other ways I'm not.  I'm the same in terms of what defines who I am, my moral compass so to speak.  I'm honest, trustworthy, loyal, outgoing, personable, witty, funny, loving, and caring.  I value my family and relationships above all things.  I'm self-confident, have good self-esteem, and am gracious about accepting compliments.  These things were all true of me before my surgery.   The things that have changed are some of my day-to-day habits.  I definitely eat differently, and I'm somewhat OCD about keeping a food journal.  I had OCD tendencies before surgery, I just directed them elsewhere.  And I spend a lot of time at the gym.  But I used to go to the gym when I weighed 400 pounds.  Obviously, I didn't spend enough time there or I probably wouldn't have weighed 400 pounds...   I do sometimes look in the mirror and wonder who is looking back, but for me I think that's a body image issue.  My brain just has not caught up with the change in my body's shape yet.  Hopefully they'll eventually be in sync; I'm guessing that will happen just before I have plastics and then I'll have to go through the entire process all over again. But for me, that's just a physical thing and I don't think of my body as being myself, if that makes any sense.   The other thing for me is that I'm now 2 1/2 years post-op and I'm in my early 40s.  A lot of my friends sort of came into their own in their 40s, meaning they started becoming more self-aware and figuring out what things they really valued rather than simply accepting what society told them they should value.  So for me, I feel like some of the changes in who I am are simply because of where I am in life, rather than being driven by the fact that I lost a bunch of weight...   I'll close with the thought that who we are as people is extremely complicated; many things touch our lives and change us, WLS just being one of them.  So I guess I'd attribute some of the changes in my life to WLS and others to simply continuing to grow as a human being....   Anyway, thanks for an interesting post -  Kellie

You know Kix, 6 months ago I would have said that I had changed so much, and I do still believe that I have become much more confident and "happier" but lately those old food demons have reappeared and I have started to go back to my old habits. I am getting control of it.. but it really makes me think no matter how much we try and change our way of thinking..like addicts it never really goes away.. That is the hardest thing for me to comprehend...I WISH I could change that. Thanks for a great thread... Have a safe friday the 13th Lynn

I don't think I've changed, yet.  If I have it has mostly been negatively.  I am LESS self confident and more nervous around people.  At 440lbs it was "I am who I am, take it or leave it"  - now its more complicated for me somehow.  I haven't quite grasped the whole of it, but I think part of it is bitterness at how people treated me at a higher weight versus now.  Strangers make more eye contact now, smile at me, etc.  People who didn't know I existed before suddenly feel a lot friendlier.  I haven't quite accepted this as a fact of life, it still just ****** me off. 

I have a strong personality, so even pre-op I was outspoken and ambitious.  BUT, 130lbs lost later I see other people treat me differently.  That's been the biggest change.  It's not actually me, it's others.  People just treat you differently.  I try to not to focus on that negativity and the "what people think" syndrone, but it's hard not to wonder what people thought of me BEFORE, if they treat me so much better now. I am more confidant with my body and am more interested in outfit selection and maximizing my physical results, while minimizing my still problem areas (like my stomach).  It's alot of fun now to try on smaller clothes and just care what I look like. Personality wise I know that WLS is a major part of my life and conversation in my daily life.  I wonder if that annoys people?  I don't really care.  I find it comforting to meet fellow WLS patients socially and have something in common.  My husband is a bit bewildered by my interest in my OH "family" and more socializing locally, but that's only because he didn't see that part of me the last 8 years we were together.  I never had a good friend base in VA (relocated from CT).  But I so enjoy my time online and with people I've met in person.  I'm sure some of my older friends that I occasionally chat with on the phone are bored with my talking about WLS.  But it's who I am now.

Kix, Nice thread....I think I am exactly the same person I was before...I think its easier for other epople to talk to me and to start regular conversations with me....I know some people get very upset  because people treat them differently or some guy who all of a sudden asks you out that you have known for years...I think its just a matter of human nature and I don't think alot of that can change...I refuse to get mad at those people....but I do not waste alot of my time on them...so before maybe I would have befriended anyone who befriended me now maybe I am a little pickier deepending on how they would have or did treat me as a smo.....my thoughts and feelings and outlooks on all the important things in my life are all the same.....but planning a vacation around what restaurants are on the way....that has changed!  Estelle