Suffering and Depressed!!!

I read this board nearly every day.  I never post on my local board because it's dead and non-supportive.  I am having some serious issues and need encouragement!!!  I had Lap RNY 7-11-06.  My highest weight was 376.  When I started the WL process, my weight was 358 and DOS was 349.  My lowest weight has been 218.  Currently, I weigh 230.  I'm off work this summer (teach nursing @ college) and I'll be the first to admit, I don't do well when things aren't structured.  First of all, I didn't capitalize in the beginning because I starved myself thinking if I ate less then the weight would just drop off.  Wrong!!! My body held onto everything and needless to say in my opinion, I was a very slow loser!!  I went to the gym beginning @ 3 months and did well.  However, in the past several months, I haven't been exercising.  My depression comes in because in January 2007, my weight was 258 and January 2008, my weight was 228.  That's only 30# in a whole year.  I will admit that I find myself thinking about the good stuff-chips, Oreos, candy, Hershey, Snickers, occasionally bread/pasta--and I do indulge.  My downfall is the chips, cookies, and candy!! Also, I cannot find good things to drink in MS!!  Crystal Light--burnout.  I graze and snack when I'm alone.  Why would I go through WLS only to sabotage myself?  I don't feel as though I'll ever reach my personal goal of 185, although my doctor said 207 ( this was 70% of excess body weight).  How can I get the motivation that I so dearly need, stay focused, and lose this weight?  I think I'd become complacent because of the compliments, but truly I'm not satisfied.  I was self pay and I really want to weigh less than 200#!!!!  The Monday weigh in is very encouraging to see Kix, Kim, Bunny, Marge,and others losing; yet, very depressing when I'm not.  I'm asking for your prayers and understanding because I want to do this.  Last thing, I walked 3 miles this morning, went to Walmart this evening and blew it with those darm miniature Snickers!!!  I've got to get back on track.  Sorry to ramble but this was the only board I felt like I could express my thoughts and not get bashed!!  Please pray that I get it together.  Headed to VA on Thursday and I need some ideas on healthy things to eat.  I tend to get bored with the things I need to eat in order to be successful for long term.  Thanks for understanding and I'll come out of Lurkerville...promise!!! Theresa

Hi Theresa, You've come to the right place, everyone here is very supportive.   You have already identified yourself your weaknesses, thats the first step!!  Do you still have a support group that you can physically go to, that may help.  Coming to this board might help to!!!  I know that its hard to turn down the sweets, but try to find some alternatives.  Perhaps one piece of sugar free candy, not the whole pack of mini snickers.  It sounds like you still want to succeed!!!.  Keep on with the exercise, can you join specific group exercise that you would need to be acccountable to?  As far as healthy snacks, how about some low fat cheese and melba toast, some sugar free jello.  If you have the taste for something chocolatey, try the sugar free jello puddings, they really are good.  The Healthy choice fudge bars are a real treat too, at only 100 calories.  You talked about not doing well when things aren't structured, make you day structured.  Write down on a wall calendar every day and at what time your going to the gym/exercise.  Make yourself accountable to yourself!!  Keep a food diary of what you eat, and the feelings you have when you eat, that might help you to see if your eating for hunger or for emotions!!! Hope this helps, Get back on track, I know you can do it.   Caroline

I understand too well.  That is way I am here too!  I need a kick in my biggggg butt.  I drink Koolaid and use splenda instead of sugar.  More flavors that way. 

Hi Theresa! First of all *big hug* Second, you can do this.  You know what you need to do - fill up on dense protein, eat your vegetables.  If you want something sweet have a piece of fruit.  If you live alone, you are the only person buying food or if you don't but you buy the groceries, be in control.  Don't have bad food in your house.  Period.  Obviously you can't handle having it around, so don't give yourself the opportunity.  Buy healthy alternatives - fruits and yogurts for sweetness, small bags of popcorn or soy snacks for salty crunch.  Also I'd recommend trying out some new healthy recipes for some culinary adventure.  You might find that you really like something you'd never tried before (my husband LOVES edemame, who knew?)  You like structure - give yourself structure.  Track your food, give yourself a reasonable calorie limit and don't exceed it.  Schedule specific time every day for exercise and don't vary from your schedule.  And if you are depressed, see someone, get help.  I just recently started Zoloft and for me its made a big difference on the snacking and comforting myself with food.  I had no idea that would be an effect, but it has.  Talk to someone, do you have insurance that would cover a therapist?  See the nutritionist associated with your surgeon if that would help.  You can do this, but you will have to be proactive.  We all have moments of self-sabotage.  I'm not sure why, but its so frustrating!!!  As for things to drink - have you ever tried soy milk?  Silk vanilla soy milk is what I am drinking right now - yum.  What about skim milk and carnation instant breakfast?  Herbal tea ****d or hot)?  Or buy some low sugar fruit juice and add it to your water - maybe an ounce of juice for 8oz water).  There are products called water sensations I think, little pouches of flavoring for your water that are decent.  My husband likes them but I think they are too sweet.  There is sugar free hawaiian punch.  I'm a big fan of tea and there are a lot of caffeine free fruity yummy teas out there, and minty refreshing ones too.  Peach passion from celestial seasonings is a good choice, or any of the hibiscus teas.  Or slice up some lemon or lime wedges and keep them in the fridge - add a squirt of one to every glass of water.  I did that early out from surgery and it worked really well.  Once again, I must reiterate, YOU CAN DO THIS.  If you want it bad enough, you will do what you have to do to get to your goal.  Be proud of what you've accomplished so far, you've lost so much already.  If you could lose all that, you can lose the rest.  It'll be a lot harder, but you can do it.  Best wishes and lots of positive vibes coming your way! Jenn

As someone who suffers with depression (the extent seems to be cyclical), and needs structure and is a natural grazer/binger, I could so relate to your post.  I have been fortunate to not go through a bad patch since WLS.  But I know that could change at any point.  I do, however, have to credit to my therapist (and some Lexapro).  I saw a therapist who was certified with eating disorders for 1 years before deciding on WLS and am still seeing a therapist.  Sometimes it takes a professional to get to the bottom of why we eat and to find individualized alternatives.   There were lots of good ideas here.  I really wish you the best.  You can do it! -Dawn

Welcome to the board Theresa.  Everyone here is so supportive and I'm sure that we'll all help you as much as you'd like.  My highest recommendations would be to find a therapist that works with WLS patients as soon as you are able and to journal EVERYTHING that you eat.  Obesity is a disease that has physical, mental, and spiritual components - so the surgery is only a tool that addresses the physical aspect of it.  It is up to you to find a way to deal with the mental and spiritual parts.  I actually look at my therapy sessions as a gift to myself - like I go to the salon or the spa to get my hair or nails looking beautiful, I go to my therapist to get my mind and my emotions looking beautiful.  I wish you the best in your continued journey and look forward to hearing how it goes for you.

HEY THERESA,       FIRST OFF LET ME SAY WELCOME TO THE BEST BOARD AROUND AND SECOND TO REACH OUT AND KNOW WHEN YOU NEED HELP.... YOU HAVE COME A LONG WAY IN YOUR JOURNEY AND I KNOW IT CAN BE SO SO CHALLENGING... BOY DO I... BUT THIS IS JUST ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF LIFE AFTER WLS OR ANY OTHER TYPE OF WEIGHT RELATED DESICIONS WE MAKE..... ITS SORTA LIKE PUTTING A BANDAID ON A BROKEN ARM IF WE DONT GET WHAT PUT US IN THE SHAPE TO START WITH... I KNOW FIRST HAND WHAT ITS LIKE TO CRAVE FOOD AND BE SO ADDICTED TO IT.. I TO THIS DAY STILL FEEL THAT WAY... FIRST OFF YOU DONT NEED TO KNOCK YOURSELF... YOU ARE A SMART PERSON THAT GETS IN A RUTT LIKE THE REST OF US WITH LIFE GOING BY SO FAST... BUT YOU HAVE AND I SAY THIS WITH CARING WORDS.... HAVE TO GET YOUR BIG GURL PANTIES ON AND GET TO KICKING BUTT... LOOK  AT JUST WHAT YOU HAD TO GO THRU TO JUST HAVE THIS SURGERY... THAT ALONE IS ALOT OF $$.. AND YOU HAVE A FAMILY THAT WANTS YOU AROUND FOR A LONG TIME.... SECOND, DONT LOOK AT HOW OTHERS LOST FAST OR SLOW... THAT ALONE WILL DRIVE YA TO DRINKING LOL.... YOU DIDNT GET OVERWEIGHT COMPEATING AND WONT LOSE THAT WAY EITHER. AND I CANT STRESS ENOUGH ABOUT GETTING THE CRAP OUT OF YOUR HOUSE THAT MAKES YOU GO TO IT... IF ITS NOT GOOD FOR YOU DONT HAVE IT AROUND... UGH... I KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE FAMILY THAT LOVES IT THOUGH ITS HARD BECAUSE ITS JUST NOT YOU BUT IM SURE THERES OTHER SNACKS OUT THERE THAT THEY LIKE AND YOU DONT.... JUST REMEMBER IF ITS NOT THERE.... YOU CANT EAT IT... AND SWEETIE.... YOU HAVE GOT TO GET YOUR LIFE IN AN STRUCTURED WAY... IF FOR NOTHING BUT YOUR SANITY... I HATE THINGS OUT OF WACK AND IF THIS IS WHAT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE IN YOU DOING WHAT IS EXPECTED TO GET HEALTHIER THEN FIND THAT MIDDLE GROUND AND STICK WITH IT.... MY DAUGHTER LIVES IN QUITMAN MS AND BOY DO I KNOW HOW THEY LOVE FOOD THERE. BUT I LIVE IN THE DEVILS HOLE TO IN GA AND WE LOVE IT ALSO HERE.... DRINKING NEW THINGS CAN REQUIRE TASTES THAT YOU HAVE JUST GOT TO SET TIME ASIDE FOR AND FIND WHAT YOU LIKE... MY GOD... THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS OUT THERE NOW TILL IT WILL MAKE YA HEAD SWIM WHEN COMES TO NO SUGAR CRAP. GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING LIKE YOU JUST HAD YOUR LAP AND START FRESH IN YOUR MIND... GO TOWARD PROTEIN TO FUEL YOU AND KEEP YOU FULL AND VEGGIES FOR THE EXTRAS.... STAY AWAY FROM BAD CARBS AND JUST  TAKE THE TIME FOR YOU NOW...... GO BACK AND LOOK AT THE OLDER PICS OF YOU AND SEE WHAT A CHANGE YOU HAVE MADE... IT IS SO SO WORTH IT.... AND YOU COME BACK WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE TO YAK AT.... WE DO IT WELL.... AND START WEIGHING IN ON MONDAYS WITH US. AND NO LURKING... GOTTA STRESS ABOUT BEING ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE WEIGHT... WE DONT HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO BLAME LOL.... EVEN THOUGH THAT WOULD BE NICE... SO EVEN IF YOU ARE TRAVELING OR SITTING HOME OR WORKING..... YOU HAVE TO JUST DO YOUR BEST... THATS ALL WE CAN DO... HUMAN TO THE END...HUGS TO YOU... MARGE

Theresa,  We're very close in lots of stuff - our surgery dates, our beginning weights, our weight loss in the last year - except I've only lost 25 pounds while you've lost 30! I can honestly say I have not touched any candy (unless sugar free) in the past 2 years. Sweets were my downfall before and I now that if I find I don't dump from them I will probably never stop eating them and I'll be right back where I started. The day I was approved for surgery was the day I made up my mind I would succeed. I have failed too many times in my life. It's a rough road. I do deny myself things that I see others eating, but for me it's the only way. There are so many healthy choices out there, but that doesn't mean I too don't have my moments when the chips call out to me! Some good things for travel - jerky, dry roasted edemame, homemade trail mix (I bag them in individual portions for more control, protein bars, Kay's Natural products. I will be the first to admit I don't exercise, I know it's why I don't loose more weight and I'm trying very hard to work on that, heck I've even cleaned off the treadmill! As for fluids - I too grew very sick of CL, maybe as it gets hotter I'll start it up again, but ice tea is my drink of choice. It's whatever works for you in getting your fluids in. By no means was this an easy fix, it's something we're going to have to work at for the rest of our lives! Best wishes to you!

Good morning ladies!!  Thank you all so much for your responses!!  I felt much better after expressing my feelings yesterday.  I must say that I've walked three miles already this morning and had a 30 gm protein shake prior to the walk.  I've prayed and asked God to help me along this journey because I've come to far to turn around!  I promise to be more proactive and less self-sabotaging.  Headed to pamper myself today...hair and nail appointment today.  Love you girls for being in my corner....  Theresa

OH THERESA,       WHAT A GREAT WAY TO START YOUR DAY!!! WEIGH TO GO LOL...... JUST HOP ON HERE AND CHIME OUT NOW WHEN TIMES GET TOUGH..... CANT THINK OF A BETTER WAY TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF AND MAKE YA FEEL PURDY THAN HAIR AND NAILS BEING DONE... MAYBE A NEW LIL OUTFIT TO THROW IN THERE SOMETIME SOON LOL.... HUGS MARGE