Medical Questions and Answers for Women
Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women
PREGNANCY Q & A & more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
'ESTROGEN ISSUES'
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE 'ESTROGEN ISSUES'
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You 're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: 'How's my driving-call 1- 800-'.
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from 'outer space.'
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN
Power tools, dental appliances, kitchen appliances, lawn tools, house cleaning machnies, accessories for the car, tools of any kind, bathroom scales, etc. While many of these are welcome additions to the home, they are more welcome, if used by HIM or provided on some date other than anniversery, birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day, etc. I love my dishwasher, but it would not have made a good birthday present.
Good presents include: a spa day, manicure, pedicure, dinner out in a sit down resturant with cloth napkins, a baby sitter for half a day or more, a massage either without complaining or expecting sex or provided by the local spa, gift certificate to a shoe store, dress store, etc., jewelry that is real, even if it is small, a watch that doesn't have a plastic band, a trip to see a site without the kids, a night at a bed and breakfast, a night at a really good hotel with room service (and if you expect sex remember it is her day, not your thrill), a movie without the kids that is not made by Disney, a gift certificate to Victoria Secret's with a clever message about the hotel or weekend without the kids, etc.
I could go on here, but Surely some others will have more to add to the list.
