Finding yourself Again

This post is a little like Deb's, but I don't know anyone who is self destructing or substituting food for something else. I've had lots of thoughts lately about how I lost who I was when I gained weight and let food and depression ovecome me. I used to be somebody that others wanted to be like. Not that I thought I was great, but I was smart in high school, made good grades. I was a life guard, had the swimmer's body and killer tan. I had tons a friends, was active in church and had a full social life. I went to college and became sort of depressed. 20 years later I've dealt with it all through counselling, medication, and of course WLS. Now its hard on those who know me now. I guess I'm much more self assured and confident. They think I'm different, I just think I'm me again I'm becoming as Dawn's blog says "The person that I once was". It's weird dealing with it, Is anybody else dealing with this at all? Love, Mary

I have always had the personality I have now. Once I am comfortable with you, the true me is there and I don't really give a crap what people think. You can take me or leave me. I don't have the time or patience to try to be someone else so people will like me. I have my support system and there are people out there who like me just as I am. How can I be happy if I am constantly putting on an act for people? I want to be comfortable and relaxed. I don't need the extra stress. My weight loss has changed nothing about that. And if you are feeling better about yourself. Good for YOU! Life is too short to be miserable and unhappy. I know I have an addictive personality. Food soothes me. Shopping makes me happy...almost giddy. I am working on it though, because I recognize it for what it is. I have always been a social drinker. Don't judge me. I'm over 21. As far as the Oprah show, I don't understand why they take the few out there who have negative things to say about Gastric Bypass and make a show out of it. Happy people just don't make good TV, plain and simple. There are SOOO many of us out there who are happy with our decision and would do it again in a heartbeat. Why don't they make a show with the people who are far out from surgery and are maintaing a healthy lifestyle and weight? There are tons of those people out there too. Sure, I am having to learn new coping skills, but I KNEW that was gonna happen. I was well educated BEFORE surgery. I picked a program that was right for me. I understand the dangers of alcohol and I haven't become promiscuous. My vows to my husband, who loved me FAT are important to me. I also know my addicitve personality requires me to be extra careful with things like alcohol, etc. But then again, I had that SAME addictive personality BEFORE surgery, so it was always a danger. I'm a grown and educated woman and I don't need people in the media (or anywhere else for that matter) trying to act like they know what is best for me. I make my own decisions. I'm not gonna go on TV and whine and blame other people for my problems. Obesity surgery SAVED MY LIFE. Ask my doctors, heck ask the doctors and nurses at my insurance company. They are the first ones who admitted it to me! Don't judge me. Heck, even if I had NO comorbidities and only had surgery for the purposes of vanity, who cares? People have plastic surgery all the time. SHOW those people out there who are alcoholics and having one night stands. Oprah is a good woman I will admit, but I don't understand why people worship her. I am middle class wife and mother with a full time job. I have NOTHING in common with a single, childless, billionaire celebrity personality. Sorry to stray off of your question and go off into Deb's previous post Mary, but can you tell the whole Oprah thing hit a nerve? Kathy

*Standing ovation* Ditto to what she said.. all of it! lmao jen p.s. yes i had the same problem with my husband more than anyone else.. because my husband didnt know me when i had good outgoing self esteem back in high school .. i met him in college.. So when my "outgoing" self came back a few mths ago because i wasnt having panic attacks anymore he didnt know who i was.. and i was like ITS ME AGAIN.. and i dont think he liked it. we had to have several "Why cant you be happy that im happy " conversations.. Now he seems aight but who knows tomorrow he might say im too something else?

Oprah definately ticked me off. My marriage vows are just as sacred now as they were when I was huge. Drinking a lot would kill me. I puke with sugar, imagine puking from alcohol I think that my problem is now when I'm at work or doing things with people who didn't know me 20 years ago and I express an opinion or say (GOD FORBID) "No, I don't want to do that" they look at me like what, you have an opinion, where is the person who would do all of the crappy stuff without complaining. Totally my fault for sitting back for so long and letting people run over me. I called two old college friends last night and they helped. My husband is fine, he met me when I was smaller and happier and even though we've had rough spots, he's loved me throughout. He is having to get used to me wanting to do stuff. I'm not happy just staying home with the kids anymore. I want us to date again and I want to learn to kayak. I think I am also hating getting older. I know, 40 isn't old, but I want to be 20 again and date my jerk of a boyfriend BUT he was in a band and that was FUN when he would sing songs for me. I was definately a downtown Charleston girl in my early 20s. I'm really ready for R and R in MB. I want to be my 20 year old self there. DH even said "go for it" I definately am just a social drinker. A glass of cheap white wine lasts a LONG time. See you guys soon Mary

WOW, good for you Ms Mary ... Welcome back, so to speak!!!

Hey Mary, Don't know if my personality is "changing" ... it is becoming easier for me to say things and stand up for myself, especially with my husband. Like you, I was a totally different person "before the obesity". I was well-liked, considered pretty, and took part in many activities. I felt normal. Then I married, had 2 babies within 4 years, and the weight started piling on. And depression ... the years I spent not even knowing what to call it. But I've suffered with depression for years. Now that the weight is becoming less and less of an issue, I spend a lot of time wondering "HOW" to be. I was obese for a quarter of a century, and for the most part, I have never experienced Adulthood at a normal weight. This is all NEW to me! It's a lot to process. Here's what I DO know ... there's a "Dawn" inside me that only a few people have ever seen. And those that have seen her, haven't seen her in years. And my mission these days is to find ways to bring her out in me ... so that I can "be her" again. That line on my profile page, "I want to be the girl who used to be me" is from a beautiful song by the same name ...from my very favorite movie ever: "Shirley Valentine". It wasn't a huge hit, and most people have never heard of it. And as far as I know, it's not been released on DVD, so now even fewer people will have the chance to see it. In the movie, Shirley struggles with these same issues ... she's been married forever, she was happy at first but the romance and fun is long-gone in her relationship with her hubby, and her kids are grown. And she's left, wondering what the hell happened to that girl who used to be her. She talks to the wall, she enjoys her wine ... and one day gets invited along on a vacation trip to Greece with a girlfriend. The trip changes her, inside and out. Anyway ... I love this movie SO much ... it makes me laugh and cry ...and I see myself in every scene. If you still have a VCR, see if you can find it. What was I saying?? Grrr ... I need to have a word limit on this thing. LOL I think I was trying to tell you that I hear you ... and that I'm dealing with the same thing. While I didn't see the whole Oprah show yesterday, I did see bits and pieces. Dr. Bour's group was educated before the surgery that addiction-transfer was a possible outcome. And I think that's half the battle ... knowing about the possibilities. I knew, before surgery, that I have an tendency toward addiction problems. I went through about 4 years of what I now call "The Nightly AOL Chatroom and Box O' Wine Nightmare". That, if you don't count FOOD, was the most out ot control I have ever been, addiction-wise. So that's the easiest for me to imagine becoming a possibilty for me, if I'm to believe Oprah's crap that ALL WLS surgery leads to another addiction/problem. (Which is CRAP.) And maybe we shouldn't even talk about shopping addiction. Because except for the grace of "NoMoney", there go I. And sex addiction ... now that's just funny to me. If my husband ever touched me, I'd probably scream, it'd be such a shocker to me. And the thought of showing wrinkly, saggy Dawn to anyone else would be so traumatic, the addiction would never have a chance to get started! So I'm fairly certain I'm safe from the whole Sex Addict Rehab experience. We're each on our own idividual journeys. But I thank God that your paths are so close to mine that, when I need to, I can reach out and hold hands with someone who understands when I feel like I'm about to trip and fall. Love, Dawn

Dawn! I love you You are such a great person.. and I think that those of us who are lucky enough can see the REAL dawn inside of you! When u described the movie, I was picturing us, going to the Beach and being US! i hope you realize how special you are.. to us and your kids! We love you "mom"! jen

Jen, You know how I feel about you, Chickie. I love you to pieces!!! Yup, the beach trip will have to do for my own "Shirley Valentine" experience ... can't afford to go to Greece, and I'll just have to dream one night about the hot Greek guy who wants to take me out sailing. (Shirley got EVERYTHING, that beeeeyotch.) I really do plan on having the best time I've had in years and years ... and I'm SO glad you're going to be with me! Love, Dawn

Okay, You have me boohooing in front of my computer. I do feel like our paths are the same. I know that you went to clemson, I spent many fun and (not graduating) years at C of C. Its hard to be that girl inside 300 pounds of fat Thank heavens for this board. Love you lots and lots Mary

Awww Mary Darlin' ... NO TEARS!!! When you wrote me after reading my web journal and said you felt like we were separated at birth, or something like that ... I knew JUST what you meant. You know how when you meet someone, and something in your spirit sits up straight and says in a tiny voice, "Ahhhhh... I know her!" That's what mine said on the day I met you. I can't wait to spend some time with you. Love and hugs ... all the way across SC, Dawn