Venting...

I have gotten so depressed lately! I can not shake this funk! It has been a long time coming, recent events have not helped it one bit. So after last nights meeting I decided that I need to see a REAL doctor. A psychiatrist. So today I am calling the in network docs for my insurance and everytime I say I am a NEW patient, I get pushed off to leave a message on an answering machine. Why won't someone talk to me? I don't need a referral for my insurance. Obviously, if I am in need of mental help, I shouldn't be pushed off to the side. What if I was suicidal or something? Do I need to actually hurt myself physically to get some attention around here? Ugh... Anyway, I am back at work. Sent my sick child off to school. Trying not to feel too guilty about that. Can't be a good mother AND a good worker it seems. Just barely feeling adequate at both. Trying not to let my mouth get me in trouble. I am feeling very angry and violent right now. I want to hit something...AGAIN. Hoping that no one comes to my cube and tries to talk to me. I'm doing my best to avoid conflict, because the outcome will not be good. And today, even when people look at me, it feels like they are confronting me. I know its all in my head. Come on psychiatrist! Someone call me before I end up on the evening news!! Thanks for letting me rant. Kathy

I see you haven't lost your sense of humor. Please don't end up on the evening news unless you have me with you. I got a couple people I could go "Mental" on right now. I know I hate the medical feeling of psychologist. Have you thought about just a councelor. I seem to talk to them better. I canned the other day to find a Christian Councelor and had to wait 5 days to hear back. I was like "WHAT IN THE WORLD!" Remember it is winter and we have that SADD thing going on. Try laying in the tanning bed and see if that helps. Might give you cancer but it coule make you happy. I am taking my hubby back to the doctor tomorrow for another medicine increase or addition for his stress lately. I just got but on Ativan (short term) for my stress and it is wonderful. I don't know how short term it will be...it's great!! Well, I'll talk to you later. Hang in there. Call me if you need to talk or I'll even meet you for drinks if you want. I had my first adult beverage this weekend and I Was ok. Got buzzed off 1 smirnoff ice but I was over it fast. Call me. Rachel

Oh Kathy, I have been thinking about you all morning. I am so sorry that you are getting the run around from these "health care professionals". I hope that someone calls you back soon. I am very disappointed in Dr. Russell and his lack of "psychiatric help". I really thought that is what he is there for and that is what we paid for. By the way, I just want to let you know that you are an AWESOME mother!!!! You will get through this!!! I am so proud to call you my friend Melissa

Kathy, Do you have an Employee Assistance Program where you work? My company has one. It is strictly confidential and does not cost anything. Good luck to you

Kathy.. youre a great mom and wife.. and im sure youre great at work too.. Try not to be so down on yourself.. Teagan is a great kid very smart and youve done WONDERFUL with her! I know what you mean about not feeling adequate enough being a working mom is hard as crap. its tiring and you feel like nothing is ever "finished".. i feel like i am not 100% at either and i hate that. but i dont think any working mom feels 100% .. I think the winter months have us all down in the dumps right now. i still havent gotten back on my lexapro which i need to do or my vitamins which is a bad thing also. Like rachel said try the tanning bed.. i think ima do the same thing! Hope you find someone to talk to that helps you out more! Im here if u need anything Jen

Kathy, I can certainly sympathize. I see a psychologist regularly. I did see a psychiatrist also just for meds (we're talking a MAJOR depression about 3 years ago). I've learned two things...Zoloft is my best friend and my psychologist doesn't feel like he's done his job unless I walk out of there on the top of the world. I only see him now every 6 weeks or so and my primary care Dr prescribes my zoloft. When my depression hit I was so sad and angry also. My primary care dr helped get me a quick appointment and then started me on zoloft. I know that they say it can take up to 2 months to take effect. I felt better within two days. Getting that quick start was wonderful. The psych said that was because I was SO chemically off. Now things are much more even for me. Before I was freak out at the slightest thing, even yell at my husband or children. Now I can control my emotions and I don't cry every hour. Its funny, when my 16 year old brings homes a bad grade or something that would have thrown me into a tizzy I remain calm. He then says "This moment is brought to you by ZOLOFT", making fun of the Sylvan Learning center commercials. Good Luck Mary

hi i have seen a person in greenville off and on for a few years. its at psychiatric associates and they take lots of insurances. its on millls ave and they have counselors too. try it. shelly

Thanks everyone for letting me vent. I had lunch with a friend and a good ***** session and I feel better. Someone did call me back, and will call me back again to see when they can get me in. Whew! I think I've been needing a psychiatrist for YEARS...It seemed like even the lady on the telephone asked me more relevant questions that Dr. Russell ever did. And because I am so in a "I don't give a crap" mood, I answered all her questions in full hearing range of my co-workers. LOL! I'll probably be embarrassed later. I am on medication already. I just feel I am over-medicated with something that doesn't work for me the way it is supposed to. I want answers or ways I can help myself. Hopefully this will be a good start. Kathy

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, STILL DOING IT SOMEWHAT. SAME HERE ... THE STRESS HAS BUILT UP SINCE NICK & I MET; SEEMS LIKE I FIND THE BEST MAN IN THE WORLD & EVERYTHING ELSE TURNS TO CRAP ... &, IT SEEMS THAT IT JUST HASN'T LET UP ... THEN, WHEN WE GOT MOMMA'S DIAGNOSIS OF ALZHEIMER'S, I WENT POSTAL. I WAS IN MY DRIVEWAY LITERALLY SCREAMING OUT LOUD AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS AT GOD LIKE A CRAZY PERSON (thank God that most of my neighbors work in the day time) ... WHERE WAS HE? WHY DIDN'T HE TAKE CARE OF US? WHY WEREN'T HIS MIRACLES FOR US? ... I MEAN A TOTAL MELT DOWN. I SCREAM AT THE TV WHEN SOME DUMB A-- REPORT COMES ON ABOUT SOME SPOILED HOLLYWOOD TYPE ACTING LIKE A TOTAL SELF-ABSORBED CHILD ... LIKE, DO THEY HAVE ANY PROBLEMS EXCEPT THEIR OWN IMMATURITY? THAT'S IT? THAT'S ALL THEY HAVE TO WHINE & CRY ABOUT? ... I WANT TO DO ALL SORTS OF HORRIBLE THINGS TO PEOPLE WHO HURT OTHER PEOPLE ... OH MY GOSH, DON'T EVEN LET ME HEAR ABOUT A TERROIST BOMBING WHERE INNOCENT CHILDREN HAVE BEEN MAIMED & KILLED. IF I WERE THERE, I'D PROBABLY TAKE DOWN THE WHOLE TERRORIST COMMUNITY BY MYSELF ... I KNOW I'M TRANSFERING MY ANGER & HOPELESSNESS OVER EVERYTHING THAT WE'VE HAD TO GO THROUGH, BUT KNOWING IT HASN'T STOPPED ME FROM LOSING IT & LOSING IT BIG TIME. I'M SOME BETTER NOW, BUT STILL HAVE A LOT OF "DOWN" AND ANGRY TIMES ... RIGHT NOW, I'M KINDA A SPLIT PERSONALITY ... I CAN BE KIND & SWEET WITH MY PARENTS & OTHERS ... MOST OF THE TIME, I CAN BE A GOOD WIFE ... I'M ENJOYING WORKING ON MY NEW BUSINESS WITH MY GIRLFRIEND, SUSAN ... I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SETTING UP SOME GOALS FOR THE NEXT SEVERAL MONTH LIKE GETTING MY HOUSE ORGANIZED ... FOCUSING ON PRODUCTIVE THINGS ... BUT WHEN I'M ALONE, I CAN GET ABSOLUTELY ENRAGED, SO I HAVE TO REALLY WORK AT NOT LETTING THOSE KIND OF THOUGHTS TAKE OVER MY LIFE. IT'S A MINUTE-BY-MINUTE STRUGGLE MS KATHY ... MY HEART ACHES FOR YOU ... ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I'M IN THE SAME BLACK HOLE YOU ARE & I KNOW THAT WE WILL GET OUT OF IT ONE DAY SO DON'T GIVE UP, GIRL! GOD BLESS YOU ... DAWN & NICk

((((( Kathy )))))) I do understand. And so sorry to read you're having a rough spot. Glad though, that you were finally able to find someone. Folks we've had good experiences with: Upstate Psychiatry, specifically psychiatrist Hope Cromer. They have therapists there too. The Journey Center, specifically a counselor named Beth. (on the other end of Woodruff Rd.) Hope today is better. Hang in there ... Spring is coming. Dawn