I have major issues....

Ok ladies....I have some major issues... One of my friends from College just called to tell me she had a miscarriage. She is the first in "our group" to get pregnant. We didn't even know she was pregnant! Anyway, my heart was breaking for her but at the same time I was thinking "well at least you know you can get pregnant!" I tried for 2 years and my body didn't so much as think about ovulating!!! I don't know what my problem is. I shouldn't be jealous of someone that just had a miscarriage!!! She was only a month a long but she is have a hard time with it. I am having trouble even finding sympathy! I know this is terrible. And I also know that a baby is not what I need right now. I need the surgery, a healthier life, and healthier body, and then maybe a baby. But, I guess you can't convience my biological clock!!! Thanks for listening. I just needed to talk to someone about it. Please don't slam me about being a bad friend. I already feel like that. Thanks again. Rachel

It is okay, you are having a normal reaction.

You are a bad bad friend! Just kidding... Not really. You know that I totally understand. Imagine how it feels when your friends ARE having babies and you have to be happy for them when the baby is born. I used to fake happiness on the phone and in person and then cry to my husband. Or when someone miscarries and "thanks God" because they did not want another child. (I almost lost it on that one!) Not to mention all the stories you hear about people abusing their children or "throwing away" newborn babies. It seems so unfair. Your friend is in mourning and you have to understand that. She is probably in too much pain to think about anyone elses. Just listen to her and be there for her. Your time will come, whether it be thru the old fashioned way or through adoption. You WILL be a mother and you will make a great one! Kathy

Hi Rachel~ You are not a bad friend!! I know that the last 2 years have been very hard for you. I think your feelings are normal for someone who has struggled like you have. Just know that she is hurting now and needs your support. We all know how much support comforts and eases the pain. Besides girl....your chances are not over. You are just taking a little time to make things right with you before you have that beautiful baby!!!! As far as your friend....just try to comfort and support her. Melissa

It's human nature to envy someone. Heck I envy the folks on here that have already had their WLS and then say they are sorry they did it. It's hard to feel sorry for them, a lot of them don't have to pay much for their surgery. I have to pay 50% of the cost .. at least. Maybe more. But that's just the way it goes sometimes. But we all love one another and encourage one another. Our time will come, in the meantime we just have to try to be sensitive to someone else's pain. Hang in there. She will probably be envying you when you get a thinner more healthy body.

Awwe, Rachel, I have totally been there! It took me 5 years to conceive my son. I never ovulated either...it took losing a large amount of weight. Which I put back on, several times...hence surgery! I think you are having a normal reaction...I know it's the same reaction I had when my sil had a miscarriage. It's really strange though...even after I've been able to have 2 children, the pain from those 5 years is still there, and I STILL have trouble being happy when friends and family share a new pregnancy! Maybe I'M the one with issues! Just know, it's okay...you are allowed to feel the way you do. (((BIG HUGS))) ~Elizabeth

Hey girl, I know you have been trying for 2 years but honey you have time. Get the surgery drop the weight and then start trying. I was 33 when I got pregnant with Willow so you got time. Hugs, Marcey

You don't have major issues...YOU"RE HUMAN!!! You've been through a lot Darlin'. We all can relate to the struggle of wanting something soooo bad, and it seems like it happens for everyone else and not us. Believe me, if we're honest, we all can understand what you're going through. So Missy stop beating yourself help!!! Deep in that loving heart we know you're sad for your friend...because you're just sweet like that

Rachel, please don't feel bad about your feelings, it's normal to feel like that, and never give up on trying to conceive. I am willing to bet that after you lose your weight you will get pregnant. My cousin had the same problem, she weighed over 300 lbs. and tried for over 5 years with no success. Her doctor put her on a medically supervised diet and she got down to 200lbs, then bingo,she got pregnant. Just think about it this way, God must know that it will be better for you and the baby to be at a normal weight while pregnant. I lost my first pregnacy at 5 1/2 months, it took me a while to deal with it emotionally and I felt like I never wanted to try to get pregnant again due to the fear of losing another baby. But less than 4 months later I was pregnant with my son and 4 months after having him I was pregnant with my daughter, and I was using birth control both times! So, I feel like God knows what is best for us. I'm sure your friend would understand your feelings, so again, don't let it bother you to have those feelings. I know that two years seems like an eternity,my daughter tried for over 3 years and just as they started fertility testing she got pregnant, now she has two beautiful little girls. Let's just get through all of this and concentrate on our WLS. You have a lot of people here to talk to and who more than understand how you feel. Smile and be happy, life is good and is only getting better!