Is there something wrong with me? Is this normal?

Hi all, I am 7 months into my journey and have lost 81 of the 119 lbs I want to lose to meet my goal. I am 28 years old and I have been overweight my entire life since I can remember (probably 3rd gradeish). I am married to a 41 year old military career man who is retiring this winter. We have been married 8 years. So far we have no kids, but I do want some. DH was great when I had surgery. I was hoping that as I lost weight, he would start to be more attracted to me and our relationship would get better b/c I would feel like doing more things we enjoy with him. So far none of this has happened and I am feeling very sad and depressed about it. He has never really been excited with me about my weight loss since surgery. He is very threatened. He won't compliment me or encourage me and sometimes I feel like he is trying to sabotage me. For the first time I feel great about myself. I am even wearing sleeveless shirts to work, something I have never done. I am so happy with me, but I am not happy with my life right now. I want more for me, a better life of healthy eating, exercise, etc. I want someone who helps me and encourages me. I now weigh about 20 lbs less than my husband and he is very resentful, but he just keeps eating and says when he gets big enough he will have surgery. The problem is that he is only 30 lbs overweight and no way would he get approved with that. That means he plans to gain 70 lbs or more to get surgery? This sounds crazy to me! I am glad I had surgery, but I wouldn't have done it just b/c or if I could have prevented being Obese. I am seeking help from a counselor for this. I think he may be going through a mid-life crisis. The biggest problem for me is worrying so much about him and what I need in my life right now. I have found myself eating too much or not eating enough b/c I am worrying about it. This not good for me. I am not sure why I am feeling this way. Is anyone else having these feelings? How do you deal with issues? Thank you for listening. Sometimes it helps to be able to talk to others who have WLS. Carla

Whoa! i just had the same "discussion" (argument) with my husband last night! Though he isn't trying to sabatoge me in anyway, he never says anything encouraging about my weight loss or how different I look now. I was also hoping he would be more attracted to me than before and he has shown it a couple of times, but not much. He explained it to me like this: To him I am still the same person he has always loved and he still loves me just as much as before. He loves me very much and just because I have changed in size doesn't mean that he was going to change. His attraction to me has very little to do with my physical appearance, it is deeper than that. I think most marriages are like that. He has always expressed his attraction to me the only way he knew how. If it seemed like he was withholding before, he was misunderstood. That is just him. I don't know if you quite get what I am saying, but I understood him a little better after we talked calmly for a while. BTW, my husband is 40 and isn't exactly super excited about the possibilty of another child - which I want. I read your post to him and he said "Are you sure YOU didn't write that?" We are all so much more alike than we think! I hope you find some peace soon. One of the things I worried about the most was how this surgery would affect my marriage, but I am ready to fight til the end to protect it! Kathy

Well it is good to know someone else out there is dealing with something similar. I a glad we have something in common. I haven't met many WLS people my age. I am trying really hard to work things out, but we have been struggling for a while. I thin the age difference is a major contributor. I want kids, he doesn't. I want to be healthy, he doesn't. I want more from life, he is happy where he is. I don't want to change him, I just want more of the man I married, not this stranger who barely talks to me and treats me like a friend/roomate instead of a wife and lover. Who knows. I am trying, but sometimes I think it would be easier on me to just move on with my life. I am not sure if this is hormone related or if I am just willing to make such drastic changes since I have more courage since WLS and the unknown doesn't scare me as much anymore. I have been praying and I have an army praying for me, so I know God will show me the way. I am having a heart to heart with him when he gets home from training next weekend. Carla

A heart to heart would be good. Just be calm and try not to place blame. My husband had NO idea why I was mad at him, even though I swear I had laid it out in plain english. So once we stopped being defensive and listened, we were able to work through it. So far... Kathy

carla, i don't know what to say so i will just send you some hugs. ok??

Carla, I don't know where you are in relationshop with the Lord but if you are a Christian you cannot move on. You are committed for life to your husband. Sometimes men deal with fear differently than women do. They laugh it off and make light of it. But they do fear for their wives and their relationships. Maybe he is afraid of you leaving him and he is saying he will gain weight so he can have surgery so you will have that in common. Pray for him...love him and be still. God has a way of working things out. Also, as far as a baby goes...that really should be both of your decisions...be still again and pray and wait. Only God can change the heart of a man or woman. Take today only and rest in tomorrow. In Christ, Joan M I can only give advice from Christian perspective so I hope this helps. Any questions, email me and I will be glad to talk.

Joan, I don't think you were trying to upset me, but that is exactly what you did. I am a Christian and I always give my all to everything I do. I have been praying that God would help me and show me the way and I know he will. That being said, I would never jump to conclusions about what someone was thinking and tell someone what you told me. I was convicted by God 2 years ago to have a child and my husband was and still is dead set against it. He keeps putting me off, 6 more months, 1 more year, etc. I have seen several counselors including Christian ones and several preachers. I listen and have tried everything they said. My husband doesn't want to change- he is happy with who he is and what he wants out of life (monetary goods that offer no salvation). I am starting to doubt he is a Christian. I know we were unequally yolked when we married, but he told me he wanted to be a better Christian and go to church, become active, etc, and at 20 I believed him. After the last 8 years, I think he was just telling me what I wanted to hear. All I ask is that you pray for me and not judge me. I am being held back from contributing to the world in the way God wants me to. I did not get married to get divorced. Thank you for your support, but please watch how you say things to others- sometimes we don't think before we speak/type. Your friend in Christ, Carla