TEN YEARS OUT

Thank you particularly for the second remark. So many people, including my doctors, just want to put me on another pill instead of letting me deal with my feelings. I need to feel what I feel! It is the only way I will ever move forward from Bill's death. I don't think there will ever be love in my life again but I don't rule out friendships or companionship.

Thanks for dropping in and giving us an update. I'm 8 years post RNY. My pouch is 2-3 ounces (per endoscopy by bariatric physician in 2016 before a bowel resection surgery). I have had nausea before my RNY and it has continued after. Smells of food and other smells (detergent, perfume, gasoline, etc.) make me nauseated. I can'****ch the food TV network, food commercials, food ads in magazines or peoples posting of food on Instagram without sometimes being nauseated.

My weight is within 5 pounds of my goal weight. I would like it to be lower, but I do snack to much on nuts and chocolate. When I'm nauseated I do drink whey protein isolate sweetened with stevia. I have problems with meat (unless it is ground or deli sliced), eggs are good sometimes. I do get the "foamies" easily and I developed Reactive Hypoglycemia about 4 years ago. I am not now or ever have been diabetic.

So sorry to hear about your husband. My husband has been a brittle Type 1 diabetic for 66 years and it is a miracle he is doing so well and still working full time at 70 years old. I continue to work part-time and have no plans to retire. Working (I'm a RN and Pastor) helps me to keep focus on others and keeps me somewhat active.

I agree with Hala that you need to get bariatric labs done, including minerals and vitamins. I have had to increase B12, Vitamin D3, Vitamin A and get iron infusions from low lab tests.

Please don't wait another 18 months to come back. There are veterans here on OH board - tho most are pre-op or newbies. We need to support each other.

Penny

So good to hear that I am not weird because I have no interest in food. I will ask my primary doctor to order labs. They have not been done in some time.

I do use medical marijuana on days that I just cannot face even a small amount of food. This allows me to at least snack somewhat continuously for a couple of hours. I cannot afford to do it very often and only on days that I do not have to go anywhere or drive.

I will stay in touch as much as I can. Thank you!

Just a thought - but perhaps you could look at growing your own medical marijuana? It might be a hobby you enjoy, and it can be done for an extremely small amount of money. Saving money, having more of your medicine, and developing a new hobby might just be a win, win, win!

My deepest sympathies for the loss of your husband.

I will be ten years in October. I lost my husband to cancer in 2009, after 40 years pf marriage. I am 69 years old.

You may not be depressed, but you are not finding joy in life. I wake up every morning thankful for a new day. I make plans for the future. At a healthy 66 years old, it is not unreasonable for you to look forward to 30 or more years of life.

Yogurt, chunky soup and Lean Cuisine are incredibly boring. And believe me, I have gone that route. I force myself to go out and make friends. I am active in political action groups. I go to events at the senior citizens center. I go to the water aerobics classes at the fitness club that are for arthritis patients. I keep up with family and friends.

I treat my arthritis with Bio-freeze, ice, heat and rest. The more I move, the better it feels.

Most nights, I cook a great meal and invite others to eat at my house. I am fine with eating the parts that are OK for me. I bake brownies, cookies, pies and cakes and give them away.

Every morning I make a plan for the day. This week, I cut the grass, power-washed and completely re-organized the garage, dug a flowerbed, and spent an afternoon shopping at the mall. I have calling hours tonight, a funeral tomorrow, a family dinner on Friday and a wedding to attend on Saturday.

My secret of happiness is believing that the best is yet to come and knowing that I will have the strength to deal with whatever does happen in the future.

Your life certainly sounds active. I really don't believe "the best is yet to come"--not without my Bill. However, I do have three adult children, five grandchildren and one great-grandchild. I am separated by distance (they are all in Ohio and I am in Nevada). We communicate mainly through Facebook or text messages. I get to see them about once a year.

I have thought about cooking classes--but they are fairly expensive here in Vegas. I have not been able to find a class that focuses on making meals for just ONE person. Most of my grief support friends live quite some distance away and are also elderly and don't drive at night. That makes it a rare occasion that we can actually get together for a meal.

I was very active during the recent election but the results depress me so much that I find myself constantly angry at what is happening to our country. I have lost friends and family over being a liberal Democrat. I also participated in the state campaign to restore the solar power industry in Nevada--we won a few concessions but the battle goes on.

As for the senior center---I really do not find time to visit there even though it is only a few blocks from my home. I used to go work out in the weight room but that was before Bill died. Now with my weight still falling, and so little energy, I hesitate to try it again. I am afraid of losing more weight from exercise. They have many activities available--but somehow I feel even more lonely in a crowd of people--like I just don't fit in.

You are 100% right that I find no joy in my life. Joy left me when Bill did. I try to pitch myself into projects--had my kitchen remodeled but got "taken" by a dishonest contractor. I am trying to maintain my husband's classic cars--but finding that really stretches my budget. My friend in the nursing home and the one I take to chemo are also my attempts to move outside of my home and to at least be of some worth to someone else. Basically the four days a week that I take care of these two ladies wears me out. The other 3 days I try to get a little bit of housework done and rest up for the next week of care-giving. I will lose at least one of these friends sometime soon--her cancer is incurable and is spreading.

I quilt--but have not done much lately. I am teaching a friend to quilt--I enjoy sharing my knowledge with others. Quilting is a "solo" hobby--even though I do belong to a group that meets once a month.

Thank you for responding. I don't know how you manage to find joy without your dear husband--I guess that is the most difficult task I face. I do appreciate your suggestions.

Have you ever considered relocating to live closer to your family?

My mother could have written your post. She lives on the coast of Oregon -- inarguably a much lovelier place than the armpit of Ohio that I reside -- but in the past year the realization that family and people who love you make life more enjoyable has led her to entertain the idea of moving near me.

She and I are both progressive liberals -- so I can relate completely to your distress.

I know you say you aren't depressed -- and perhaps chemically you are not -- but truthfully, the description of your life sounds depressing. I truly hope you can find a way to bring some joy into your life. It sounds like you deserve that.

My children would love for me to move back to Ohio but honestly I don't think I would be happy. The cold, the damp, the humidity would make my arthritis that much worse. In addition, in Ohio I suffered from allergies to trees, grasses, and various pollens that caused me to have severe asthma for much of my adult life. Gastric bypass and moving to Nevada cured that.

In addition, I don't want to become the "mother-in-law" or "needy mother" that is constantly asking for attention or dependent on her kids and grandkids for social interaction or company. I no longer have many friends in Ohio--we have moved from Cuyahoga County to Portage County. Many of my former co-workers have moved elsewhere or passed away. My quilting friends in Portage, the same. I would be quite alone there.

Here in Nevada I at least have a very small group of grief support friends that network with me and keep my spirits up.

This conversation is eerily familiar. My mother really hated living here in Ohio -- and she lives in such a lovely place in Oregon -- there's just no work there -- my career is here.

Just a note though -- about being the "needy mother" etc -- for me, the burden is my mother living 3500 miles a way. There is constant guilt, sadness, worry, along with missed birthdays, holidays, life-events... you only get a certain number of Christmases with your mother, and she is missing all of them. -- Not to mention that every vacation is pretty much taken with visiting her or feeling guilty because we could have visited her instead of going to XXXX -- so really -- the burden isn't her living near or with me - - but so far away from me.

Maybe, just consider that your children feel the same.

Whatever you do -- I hope you find some things that can bring you a bit more joy. Love to you.