Wednesday Question

Here is the question for today....

Your significant other, how supportive was they leading up to your surgery?

If you are pre-op, does your significant other try to make you feel bad about doing it? Are they making the you wont need them anymore after word comments?

If you are post-op, did your significant other often say, you wont need me once you lose all the weight?  Was they supportive of your decision?

This question kinda hits home for me and I am anxious to see all your answers. 

My husband was all the time telling me I will leave him for a better man once I go through my surgery and get skinny.  And my answer would always be why would I want someone when they couldnt love me while I was fat! 

My husband about 6 weeks or so ago became an over the road driver, looking for a better home everynight job.  BUT, things arent the same as before, he no longer accuses me of leaving him for someone else, yet he is mr NEGATIVE and is agrumentative at the littlest things.  I love him very much, but often wonder why he is here.  I dont know if its the changes in me after my surgery or just the stress of the job. 

Blah anyways, looking forward to seeing your answers....

Hugs to all

Kerry was nothing but supportive of me in my WLS decions.  Granted, he was scared to death, and  he knew with surgery, there was a chance of death.  Without surgery, it was DEFINITE I would die if I continued my downward spiral.

He has never been insecure or the jealous type over what I look like.  He knows I am a HUGE flirt...hell, that is what attracted him to me in the first place.  He also knows that I do not overstep the boundaries and terms of our marriage.  He knows I come home to HIM.  He knows that I am not bad....I am just drawn that way (in the immortal words of Jessica Rabbit), lol 

Oops...double post...

Did I mention K is secure as well that I am his bc of the fact I am a technotard and SOMEONE has to show me how to use this computer thingie, lol

He was dead set against me having weight loss surgery until I called him on the phone on April 5, 2007 crying and saying, "I'm done. I've GOT to have weight loss surgery. I can't take being fat one more day."  I had hit rock bottom, and nothing had really caused it.. I said, "You have GOT to get on board with me on this because I need you. If you don't, I'm going to do it anyway."

He said, "Ok, but remember you're doing this for you and not me. I love you at any size." I said, "Oh, trust me...surgery is for ME."

Bless his heart, he was with me every step of the way, and he was there to take care of me in the early days.  He still makes sure we eat somewere that accomodates the new diet. He's been very supportive, and he really gets embarrassed when he's accused of dumping me for the new "thing" in his life.....ME! LOL He's been accused of this several times this summer because people don't recognize me anymore. I still look like me..I'm just not 333 pounds anymore! He also gets really ticked when I look at old pix of me and say how awful I looked..why didn't I do something sooner.,,

My DH is as supportive as he knows how to be.  We are hitting some rough spots, but mainly because he "forgets" what I can/cannot eat so he sometimes wants me to fix things to eat that I feel are VERY SELFISH of him.  When I remind him that I cannot or will not eat those things, he generally apologizes for being such a bone-head.  He does occasionally mention that he worries that I will run away when I lose all my weight.  I think that's an insecurity that a lot of us deal with in our relationships after WLS.  I'm hoping that things smooth out after the first year....only time will tell.

Your DH's "negativity" does sound a lot like stress to me, but I'm not an expert.  Good luck & thanks for the Question!

I don't have a significant other, and sometimes it's a blessing, others not.  It's hard enough to deal with my own head through this, let alone someone elses.

I do think that your relationship is bound to change, because you change.  However, you change anyway as you go through life, so I don't see that this change is any more traumatic than any other change.

My DH is awesome!  He has always been there for me.  I was always the one who was the hardest on myself and my appearance.  I always looked nice, wore makeup and dressed as good as one can at 400 pounds.  I've been married to him for 36 wonderful years and he tells me on a daily basis how proud of me he is.  He didn't push me to this...I just decided one day that I was going to a meeting after hearing a commercial and then after that I was convinced it was for me.  He helped me locate the financing since I had to be self-pay and only eats at home what I can have.  He has also benefited in loosing 30 pounds...that is pretty much all he needs to loose.  I'm looking forward to many more years with him and being the active wife, Mom and Nana I can be!!!

This is a hard one for me...  See this was my ex husband that I was with at the time of my RNY...  he pretended to be very supportive of me and then really turned very insecure after I had lost the weight and was both verbally and physically abusive toward me (sorry if that is TMI).  It was very hard on me.  I do, however, have a great marriage now.  He has seen all the before and after pictures and knows all about the surgery.  He thinks that it is an awesome journey. 

I don't have a significant other.  I think in some ways that has made this easier on me.  I don't have to please anyone else.  I don't have to cook if I don't want to.  That being said I am hoping to find someone who is willing to share my life with me.  Anyone know any one??

Denise