I just need to vent a little

Ok, I have always considered myself to be very independent and one that doesn't need to be constantly stroked or patted on the back for anything.  When I sought out WLS I did it on my own and then when I was in the fase of making decisions my DH attended seminars and meetings with me.  I made the informed decision to have the Lap RNY and at that point decided not to share it with my Mom, Mother-in-law or anyone except my sisters, brother, my children and my very closest sister-in-law and best friend.  I knew they would be supportative and didn't need any input from anyone.  

I have always felt that my Mom was part of my weight issue but I have totally owned my personal problem for the past 20 years.  I was on diet pills as a young girl and she was always and still is total consumed with weight issues even though she is now 77.  I haven't seen my Mother or Mother-in-law but once since March 12th and it was early on but yesterday I saw both when we went to visit.  One would think that after loosing 115 pounds it would be noticeable but not word about it from either one.  I was totally crushed and can get really emotional even now if I let myself.  I tried to blow it off yesterday when I discussed it with my DH but it did hurt.  I got to thinking well, I don't nececessarily see anything different about myself so why would they???  Oh well....  Some things never change!! 

Well, first of all, you have done absolutely wonderfully with your weight loss! BRAVO to you on your hard work and efforts that are paying off every single day! I bet you're off much of your past medication and much healthier, not to mention down so many clothing sizes.

Now, some people are just determined to be critical or non-approving ... no matter what! Who could ever understand why? I'm certain they noticed your much smaller size ... they'd have to be blind not to notice. But, maybe they are too personally insecure to give you positive strokes about your weight loss. That's certainly not an excuse for them, but it's just how some people are or choose to be. Witholding praise or acceptance is cruel, but they may not realize how very cruel it is. Maybe for them it is some form of control for themselves. I'll never understand. 

Please know that we understand the courage it took to undergo surgery, to choose to change your habits, to make it though fluids, and now to make the good choices. We're all proud of you and for you! Look to those that are supportive and try your best to ignore the nay sayers. We're definitely in your corner and we've got your back! We know you're doing great, an don't let anyone rob you of that joy. (((((((Hugs to you)))))))

aww I am so sorry to hear about this. 115 pounds is so amazing and I am sooo proud of you that is a great accomplishment! As for you mom and mom in law I wouldnt worry about them, they prolly only think of them sleves anyways. Becuase I am sure you can tell that you have lost 115 pounds... and I am sure you look amazing!!!!

michelle

Vent away !!!  You deserve to after all you have done and been through.   I, too, have people who haven't acknowledged my weightloss and it does hurt -- but I think they think they'll either jinx it or are jealous .  In either instance, it' s their problem not mine !!!  Keep your chin up and keep up the good work !

I appreciate your kind words.  My head knows to just ignore it and go on but you know I can not for the life of me imagine not noticing or being supportive of my own daughter.  Maybe this is a good group topic...for the good old Doc Keller!!!  I know that my OH family know exacly what I am going through, have been through and will go through.  I do so appreciate all you and your support!!!  It's so important to me...

Oh, my gosh!  That had to be crushing to you!  I cannot imagine how they could have controlled themselves from congratulating you when they saw you!  That is so cruel and mean spirited.  My heart hurts for you!  I can tell a difference in you from support group to support group meeting!  You don't look like the same person anymore!  We love and support you even if your Mom and MIL can't see through their tunnel vision to do so. Hugs going your way!

Denise

First off -- congratulations! You definitely deserve acknowledgement on how well you have done. You and everyone else on here have been my major support since the start. I may not have lost as much, but enough to be noticed. Today was the first time someone commented and it was the greatest feeling! I honestly believe those who notice and don't comment are just jealous!

 Ditto what everyone here said.  My closest friend is an absolute beauty.  Tall, Thin...you get the picture.  She told me early on that I would encounter mean people as I loose weight.  When she said that, my thought was that I encountered mean people before surgery, so how bad can they be?  Well, I'm noticing people that were my friends previously, are being rude to me now.  It's nothing but jealousy.  I know how bad you hurt.  Especially since this was done by family.  Just know that you are better than that and that they are the worst kind of loosers in this situation.  My favorite quote kinda works here too......Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.  Love ya!!

Cindy

115 pounds....That is AMAZING!! Don't let anyone get you down. You are doing a fantastic job. You should be very proud of yourself.

You've done very well.  Your Mom and your MIL were at the forefront of all the body image problems that women have suffered since the 50's.  It took me a long time, but I've forgiven my Mom AND quit trying to change her and her obsession with size.  If anything, it's gotten worse as she's gotten older, as many things do.

Now we are all so much more aware of media images and such, but we found out too late for them.  I complain about my Mom being too focused on my stats-so I guess it's true-they can't win....LOL.  I do understand your hurt, and I'm not condoing their actions because any rational human being can see you've lost weight and would know it's hard work and should be praised, but maybe it's just beyond them.