THANKS AND SOME OTHER STUFF ......

Hey Dear Friends, Thanks to all of you for your prayers and support for our trip back to the UofMI tomorrow for Steve's MRI.  I am having a rough day today, crying a lot - just kinda feeling scared and sorry for myself.  I really try not to do this but sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I just wonder where all this is going. Many people tell that God has a plan for us but to be very honest I question that.  I mean - what is the purpose in all this?  Steve is getting sicker and it is really starting to show physically and by how tired he is.  He sleeps alot of the time.  We are also feeling extreme financial stress right now and may lose our home.  I am feeling so isolated.   We have a church home but unfortunately they have not been much support.  In the three years since Steve became so ill, we have had a total of ONE visit from our pastor and almost no contact from the members.  And we have been active members in our church for over 15 years.  Who needs that!  I have come to the conclusion that organized religion is not the way for me.  It is my own path and relationship with the Lord that is all that is important.  Right now, it seems my prayers are just hitting the ceiling and going absolutely no where. Sorry, this is probably not something most people want to hear but I am speaking from my heart. Thanks again for the support I have received from you all. Huggs, Pam  

I am so sad to hear that you have put 15 years into a church that doesnt even acknowledge you in your time of need.  I have to say that in my heart if you arent gettting feed like you need to be then you are not going to the right place.  I am one of those that doest believe you have to be in church every time the doors are open.  My DH, kids and I do go to church but we are not a 3 time a week goers.  I feel like its the relationship that I have with the  man upstairs that will get us to heaven not the relationship we have with the building and the people in it. If that makes sense to you. I know what I am trying to say.   Please know that I will be praying for you both and not just for the trip you are fixing to venture on but also for everyday needs and challanges that lie ahead for you both!  I am always here if you ever need to just let it all out!  Hugs to you both

I'll second that! If you're not getting support from your church you are indeed going to the wrong one. I don't go to church very often for several reasons, but I do have church in my home 3-4 times a week (granted I'm the only one in attendance) but I too believe that it truly is the relationship you have with God, not the relationship you have with the church members.

Pam, you and your family will absolutely be in my prayers. I don't understand why sometimes we have to go through these things, but I do know that the power of prayer can change things.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post.  Let's keep in touch ok?   Again thank you so very much. Huggs, Pam

Hun I am keeping you two in my prayers. I am sorry you are not getting the support you should from your church. If I knew those people I would call them and tell them off. I am not a church goer but strongly believe in God and I feel that I can worship him any time or place. So many churches are full of drama, I just dont see the purpose of going.

Pam, my heart goes out to you. I don't know exactly what to say or even how to fathom what you must be going through. I do know that many times if we look to *people* to strengthen our faith, rather than at the Lord Himself, we will nearly always be disappointed. We as people don't always do what we know we should do, we get selfish or busy or just avoid hard situations ... just because they are hard. These aren't excuses, just facts. Even the apostles struggled with understanding and to understand why they would do what they knew they shouldn't, and yet wouldn't do what they knew they should. (I'm paraphrasing, but that's the gist of it). This isn't to excuse your church's lack of help and support at all, just that it is sadly not surprising.

I do know though, that the Lord is aware of every detail of what is happening in your lives and hearts. He knows every hair on your heads. He even cares for every bird in the air, and he values us far more than the birds. He does have a purpose and a plan, even though we do not see it or comprehend. He loved us enough to give Himself for us, and He will not abandon you. Even though you may not feel it, He is there with both of you. You will not be abandoned.

I will keep both of you in my prayers. My husband and I have frequently pondered that we don't know truly what Heaven will be like in detail, but it surely must be something ... because sometimes the initiation is the pits. I don't mean to be flippant at all, it's just sometimes how things seem to us. We lost several babies before we were able to have a healthy live birth. I never have really understood ... but, I do know that someday when I get to Heaven, after I get to meet our Heavenly Father, that I'm gonna be headed right to the nursery to see and hold our babies. This may sound simplistic, but until we get to Heaven and have the understanding at that time, we just need to continue to lean on Him and let Him carry our burdens. 

Call your church. Let them know your pain and needs. If they don't respond, call another church. Let your fellow believers know you are in need. Let your children know you need encouragement. Set up a time to speak with your pastor. Keep reaching out.

Call the social worker of the transplant program, too ... they may be able to refer you to agencies that can help in this difficult journey ... perhaps with financial assistance or with support group referrals. 

I'm increasing my prayers for you. My husband will do the same. Hugs to you, Pam. Hugs to your Steve, too. I'm sorry I can't be there in person. I pray that both of you feel the comfort and big arms of our Lord around you and holding you both closely.

 

My deepest thanks to those of you that responded to my post.  While I cherish each response, I feel that by being so honest about where I am right spiritually, I may have (by the lack of responses) inadvertantly offended some others on the Board.  That certainly was not my intent.   Hopefully, I will feel better tomorrow but as of this evening I have such a hopeless outlook for Steve and I, as well as a feeling of forboding.  We will not know the results of the MRI for a week to 10 days.  I never understood why it has to take that long. I also have decided that it is my best spritual interest to resign my membership from my present church affiliation and see no need to search for another church home, at least at this time.  My faith journey is strickly between the Lord and myself and I find no need to put any hope of comfort or support in any other church nor those who attend it. This sounds rather harsh but life can be short and I will not mince any words, particularly about something like this which is so crucial to my present life and the one I look forward with great anticipation when my life on this earth is past. Much love always, Pam

Pam, to offer some hope, I wanted to share that a friend of mine that lives just 2 miles away also has a husband hoping to get on the transplant list for a liver. He had a stroke last year and has had bleeding problems and diabetes from his progressive liver failure. He wasn't diagnosed until his stroke.

He had spots show on his liver on a recent MRI that were cancerous. However, they were able to do an ablation procedure on the cancerous areas and hold them at bay until an organ hopefully becomes available. He did great through the procedure and was home quickly. He hopes to get on the list soon. I'm just saying this to let you know that even if cancer does show up, it's not necessarily a hopeless situation. Although he is not cured, he has much more time now to get on the list and hopefully get an organ.

I don't think others were offended. It's just so difficult to know how to try to respond with appropriate words. It took me several hours to figure out how to respond. I kept erasing and rewriting ... wanting to help and fearing I might say the wrong things.

Hugs to both of you.

Hi,Pam, I hope you are feeling better. Sometimes its hard to respond when someone is in such pain and turmoil. I wish I could say something that would make you feel better. Just know you are in my prayers. donna

Pam, I am so sorry you're feeling down (not that you don't have the right).  God promises not to bring us to something He does not intend to see us through.  I went through a period in my life when I thought my prayers were hitting the ceiling as well.  I made myself continue to pray and clung to the scripture that says God knows your heart and the Holy Spirit interprets even your groanings to the Lord.  God also counts your tears and knows the pain and agony associated with each and every one.  Please keep going to Him and stay in His Word.  Read a Psalm each day (there are enough for a month).  You will be surprised how comforting they will be to you.  You will make it through this ordeal.  It has been a long and painful road, but God is with you.  He promises never to leave you.  God has given you a great group of believers right here on the OK board to support you and lift you and Steve up in prayer.  Please lean on us.  We love you.