*sigh*...mild expletives and tears...here we go again

WARNING>>>LONG RANT Had the second psych eval last night, mandated by BCBS as they didn't feel the first at my Center of Excellence was enough... Everything I said was given a label... Because I spent years eating dinner with my hubby who didn't get out of the barn till 8:30pm, and then because my dd had therapists in the house every day while I home schooled my 2 boys and took her to doctors and managed my husband's after-amputation care, I had a night-time binge disorder. There was no binging involved! That's just when we had the time to sit down to a meal together! Because I have no full-length mirrors in my house, I have a distorted body image. Because she treats people much larger than me, that means my weight problem isn't that bad. (when is over 300 not that bad?) Because I want to not have to think about food every waking moment- which is what I have to do on each and every diet I have ever been on, I am obsessed with food. Because I am inexorably tired of the humiliation, embarrassment and pain of being fat- physical and emotional, and of baring all this to yet another person, it brought me to tears, labeling me as depressed. Ya think? And finally, because there are a few new medications on the market I haven't yet tried, and I have not been through clinical nutritional counseling outside of my center that has all the latest tests and tech to tell me I'm metabolically challenged (yeah, I need someone with apha-numeric credentials that charges way more than my insurance will consider paying for to tell me what I've known for at least 20 years)...I should probably try that first. Of course weighing and measuring everything and counting calories isn't going to make me obsessed! And what makes these new meds any different than the last generation of diet assisting prescription drugs that you just gain the weight back after cessation? And if they coast 100 or more a month, I simply can't afford it. We are a family of 5 living on $38,000 a year. I can guess with almost 100% certainty that based on her recommendation, the insurer will demand at least 6 mos of med-supervised diet. *&*&($&(&$(&$$#!! I know, 6 mos will go fast. Whatever (yes, I'm feeling pretty pissy right now). But every single year, without fail, my husband's employer has changed insurance policies, to save money. SO what then, another year of evaluations, assuming WLS isn't an exclusion altogether? And I will not put my family through a financial hardship to do this, I can't, so who knows what the future holds. So why am I telling you all this? I don't know, maybe it helps to share. I'm an eye-dotter and t-crosser, so I'm finding with this surgery, having all your ducks lined up in a neat little row, doesn't mean a damn thing.

Sweetie - I feel for you.  I know it doesn't help much.  If you have to do the six month supervised diet talk to Colleen - Haven't we already been doing it for a number of months?  We go every month and are weighed right?  Or go to someone else for the phsyc. eval.  YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO A SECOND OPINION.  You don't have to settle for the first one.  I have no mirrors that are full length - I wouldn't think many of us would.  I think you are an amazing strong woman.   Let me know if you need anything. 

Hun, first off take a deep breath!  It is ok to vent here, we all understand this crazy and at times upsetting journey! I am not sure why she had to label everything and you know we would all be "thin" if we did not some kind of eating problem, most of us medicate with food! SO WHAT! Lets move forward and deal with it now, sounds like that is what you want to do but when people like that have to make you feel worse, well that just is not right!   You are well aware of all of this and that is WHY you are trying to take care of things now!  I know for myself I still have to think about food every day, what am I going to eat, prepair my meals to take to work and so on BUT now it is more of a healthier way of thinking! This is so very hard and it does not get any easier once you are out a while, that is for sure!!!  That is why I get so pissy myself when people think that this is the EASY way out! ~Hugs~ Hang in there hun, it will be ok and just take it one day at a time. I know it is hard to not have your ducks in a row, TRUST me! i am the same way you are and WOW that was a lesson in learning to relax some. I still have problems with that today but this journey sure helps! They are so right when they say this journey is a ROLLER COASTER of emotions! Just know we are always here for you hun!

I don't know what to say - I honestly don't. I hear the heart ache in your post and I'm sorry. It doesn't help to know that this is an exhaustive process to go through and yet again you have to jump through more hoops but with these insurance companies - that's what has to be done. Very few exceptions. Most do require the 6 months supervised diet. With all that you've been through you are strong enough to get through this too. We will always be here for you during this time to rant and rave all that you want. Easy for me to say, I know, but 6 months is not a long time in the scheme of things. Do what you have to do to get this done so you can get on with your life. Keep venting. Again, I'm sorry. Take Care~~ Diane

Thank you Penny. Silly, I know, guess I just needed some sympathetic ears. Didn't really want to start everyone's day out with this, was just too upset to post about it when I got home from the eval at 8:30 last night. Thanks again.

Thanks Debra and Collette. My thought is What the he** good is one more drug-supported diet going to do? It's just one more on a long long list! Can't they see that? I don't want to drop dead from a heart attack in the meantime, while they do all their paper-shuffling and play this waiting game with my life and the lives of everyone who depend on me.

Wow JJ, I'm really sorry to hear that it's turned into such a hassle for you.  I'm surprised that they would recommend you to go to someone who is so quick to label.  You'd think they'd recommend someone who was more open minded and willing to support surgery.   I'm going this afternoon at 4:30 for my "full" eval.  I'm curious to see how it plays out.  All of a sudden, lately, it seems as if this surgery isn't really going to ever happen.  I'm just getting a weird vibe about the whole thing.  Time will tell.   I think Colette is right...you are entitled to second opinion.  Don't give up yet! 

Oh Good Luck, Chris! I know you are't going to the same place so I hope yours goes much better! I know Collette was very happy with them there.

Chris - don't worry you'll get there.  I can say that now but I know it wasn't so easy then.  And guys STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!! LOL (KIDDING)

I'm so sorry to hear that you are being dragged through all of that. I can't even imagine the weight on your poor lil shoulders right now. With your combined income, I wonder if you may be eligible for a government assistance program to lessen your healthcare costs!?! I'm very frightened as to what they will say once I've been evaluated. I've been to enough therapists...and my PCP has tried all the anti-anxiety  & depression meds on the market. Isn't it frustrating when it seems that some can start the process and have surgery in a matter of two or three months. And then there are those of us that meet with obstacles at every single turn. Just makes us stronger, I guess. And you are DEFINITELY a strong woman. They'd better watch out!!!  This time next year you'll be slim, trim, and ready to take on the world. *MUAH*