I am soooo Bummed........

I think I have blown my chance for surgery on June 1........I am crying my eyes out...............This is hard to get out to you all.......Hard to admit being a failure........  I have struggled so hard to get eveything lined up for the surgery. From all the pre-op consults and tests, finding someone to take me to the hospital, explaining to my (grown) children why I want/need this, ignoring those people who disagree with this type of surgery...All this stuff has been very draining.....Then on top of this I moved on May 1. Moved away from my son(20 yrs old in 2 weeks)....My ex husband moved back in to the house when I left.....(I was in an abusive relationship with my ex for a long time...both physically and EMOTIONALLY--thus the "ex").........But the point being ..I moved away from my kids..my daughter lived next door also.........I am living alone now....which I am getting used to.......I always felt alone at my old place as my son had been brainwashed (monkey see..monkey do) by my ex and treated me as bad as the ex.......But I am lonely for my family............My oldest son lives in PA.....I actually did 99.9% of the moving myself....loading my car every morning before work and dropping off the items after work..feeling so alone...Moving day was over in 2 hours ...5 pieces of large furniture I couldnt carry or fit into my car...I was soooo proud I did it all by myself!!!  HERE"S where the failure comes in..........I am a smoker!!!!!  I quit back in March........expecting surgery in April....it had to be postponed because my blood pressure was out of control...come to find out the nicotine patch was causing my B/P to be out of control...so I started smoking again....been trying sooo hard to quit...using the patch almost all week...maybe smoking at night once in a while....maybe smokoing a bit on the weekend.....no where near as much as I had been.....But as I said ...with the move and the stress of the surgery it's been tough....THEN my car breaks down...for three weeks it has been at two different mechanics....tomorrow I lay out another 1100 bucks, which I DO NOT HAVE..had to borrow....Had to have the car towed 2 weeks ago...paid another mechanic $500...and it still wasnt fixed.....  Spent Mothers Day alone...that was tough..as my two youngest children dont/cant drive..... So it's been really STRESSFUL.......... Well the dr's office decides to make me go for a Carboxy hemaglobin test....I am going tomorrow......havent smoked any cigs since I had a meltdown on the way to the mechanics Wednesday  morning....been wearing the patch...But the test is tomorrow morning....ANd I am sure they will detect that I have not completely quit..... And I am sure they will cancel surgery.....All this effort, all this stress.....I really had my heart set on getting this done................But feeling hopeless..........................I can't stop crying so please forgive any typo's and the length of this post....................Jane

Girl I am soooooooo sorry for you.  Im sure it will all work out.  Don't let this put you down. You can do this!

Jane: i wish you luck with the test. i hope if it is rescheduled that it is soon.  it is soooo hard to quit.  hang in there. judi

Hi Jane,  Sorry to hear about your dilemma. I have Dr. Kaul and yes, they are very strict with quitting smoking. Its really for your own good. They have been known to cancel surgeries if you don't follow the protocol. Have you been to Support group on Thursday nights. Try to come to the next one. I know its far but you need it. If you need anything just emailme. Marie

Sounds like you have hit a rough patch Jane! *hugs* I just quit smoking on Wednesday night, using Chantix. I know how you feel---- I'm so used to reaching for that cig, this past 48 have been so surreal for me. Murphys law the past two days have been highly stressful for me--- I sort of feel like I picked the WORSE time ever to quit smoking. But I realized tonight that there would never be a good time to quit smoking. If your surgery is postponed use this time to quit, once and for all. You deserve the life that this surgery will bring you... NO cig will ever taste as good as that. From reading about your life you sound like you are too strong of a woman to allow yourself to feel hopeless and to be control by a cig's. Stop crying ... wash your face with some cold water...sit down and make yourself a plan. Best of luck to you Jane-- You're in my thoughts sweetie

Hello! I'm sorry to hear about everything that is going on. I know how badly you want a smoke when things get stressful but just think you could be ruining your chances at a healthier and happier life. If you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here for you! Please let us know what happens at the test and I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you! Good luck! <3 Nicole

Jane big HUGE (((HUGS))) we can hope for the best and a little miracle.  SOunds like you just need a break.  I am so sorry you are feeling so down BUT look how far you have come hun.  No more cigs...relax...drink lots of water...pray for a little miracle babe.  It cannot hurt.  Quitting is hard...I did many many years ago and if it was not food that I used it was cigs.  You can do this sweetone...do it because you love yourself enough to do it!  You have to see how strong you really are darling!! Look what you have done already for yourself?!?!?!?!?!   Listen...we are here for you to support you and help you.  Hang in there...PEACE!!!

Thanks EVERYONE for your encouraging words!!!!  Whats bumming me out is that I had quit....than the series of stresses and unfortunate ($costly$) events....I was weak and gave into temptation once in awhile....I was not smoking a whole lot.....very rarely..... AND damn...it is sooo hard not to light one up right NOW....But I havent...and I won't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Again..........Thank you for allowing me to post such a long drawn out whine!!!!!  I was feeling really depressed and alone!!!!! And you all have made me feel much better!!!!!  Hugs and kisses to EVERYONE...... Humbly, Jane

Awwww, things always work out!  Keep that chin up!  You've done awesome, Jane!!!  You should be proud of yourself!  BELIEVE!  

Hang in there.  Take it day by day, you can do it again!!!!