I'm not telling

Sheila, Hello hun and congrats on getting your approval I for one told EVERYONE I did not care what people thought of me since this is something I did for ME and ME alone! Other will judge no matter what and I am very proud of my choice to have the WLS and take charge of my life for a change. I am sorry I can not offer any advice but to tell the truth but I can also understand why you don't want to! Some people can be mean with knowing but then again that is when my big mouth comes into play. I wish you all the best! Debra P

Best of luck to you Sheila....I will keep you in my prayers....I understand the stigma that some small minded people put on those of us who decide to have WLS...but those are usually the same people who stigmatize us for being overweight to begin with. Ultimately it is your own personal decision and your body...if you are trying to be the healthiest that you can be don't let anyone steal your joy! It is by no means the "easy" way out. Do you attend any support groups? You have nothing to be ashamed of...all of us here are or were in the same boat. (((((HUGS)))))

I think its YOUR PERSONAL decision! I told my family and close friends. However ...I don't tell every JOE SMOHE who says "wow you look great" I just say "thanks!" Now 80 pounds gone ... some people (friends of friends) are really asking how did I do it and I do tell them the truth, that I had WLS, watch what I eat and go to the gym everyday. what matters is that YOU are comfortable with your decision and who YOU decide to tell. good luck and congrats on your approval! hugs, Britt

Thank you everybody for your input on my situation I appreciate it and will take it in consderation. I do have the support of my my husband and my mom is slowly comming around she can be ignorant and thinks I can do it on my own. yes I've done it before but as we alll know it is hard to keep it off. you never know I might tell people after I loose the weight. plus you guys are all here for me for support. What kind of support would my freinds be of any way when I only see them but once every month or so. as far as not telling my inlaws is because they are both overweight and I metioned to father in law a few years ago about wls and he was dead set against it. he weighs like 350. I will still have there support that I need in helping us watch the kids while i'm in the hospital and recovering from home. They said they would take them to there house. If my father in law new what I was really doing he probally would be a jerk and say they will not help us with kids for that. he is very ignorant at times. and my mom can'****ch them because she is having hip replacment end of june. I did tell my one freind who had the surgery 3 years ago by the same office So she has been a great support for me. she doesn't know any of my other freinds though. Her son and mine our freinds and that 's how we met. The psy said that is my decision to make she just basicaly thought it was important for my mom and husband to be there for me. She said that if I ever needed to talk just call and make an appt. passed the psy eval no problem. And if I die I wont care what people thought i'll be dead. my husband would just tell them my reason behind not telling anybody and that she had to do this for medical reasons and that the benefits outweiged the risks. We even made wills and I made a health care proxy. So I am very aware of what I am going to do. Thanks again. I will talk to you alll later. Sheila

Hi Sheila: I so understand your feelings as I share them. I kept it quiet until last weekend when I told my sister about the surgery (hernia, like you) and she actually said to me that it was too bad I couldn't have the Lap Band at the same time. I then quizzed her about it and she said she had done research and it sounded wonderful to her but her insurance didn't cover. I found that I then had to tell them (if I didn't and she found out that I had it, I'd be sunk). My desire to remain quiet just stems from years of dieting - my first at 8. My mom is very conscious of this and pounded it into us. We've had some discussion about it since and I feel better about telling them. My hernia forces me to eat constantly to avoid pain. Perhaps you can tell them that now, without the pain, you aren't hungry and are eating less -- naturally. That's what I was planning on using. Because DH is also being Banded, we've told both families very casually and don't discuss it at all. I think the less emphasis we put on it, the better we are.

I can soooo understand Sheila's position. It is so difficult to constantl feel under scrutiny and judgement, and we certainly don't need folks watching and waiting for us to fail again... But you all have made some very valid points and given me a lot to think about. I have told very very few folks about it up to this point, figuring I would tell only on an as needed basis. I mean, it's not like I can hide the fat, or the loss of it, right? SO I'm going to have to tell them something, and lying about it isn't something I can justify. First, I suck at lying, just no good at it. Second, I don't want t have to try and remember who I told which story to. And third, I just don't want to. We are having a go-around with my 14yo ds right now and his lying about a lot of little things, so I can't very well preach to him and then concoct a story myself. Nope, you all helped me think this through. I will be telling those closest to me, and then when other folks ask for specifics, I will tell them. Otherwise, a general "Wow, you look great" will just get a huuuuuge smile and hearty "Thanks!" Sheila, you have to do whatever is right for you. My guess is that you will come to terms with this eventually and be able to blow off those who've judged and hurt you. I might not happen right away. We've hid a lot of emotion, pain and truth under this fat for a lot of years and those layers have to come off slowly. Don't feel judged by this thread, it's just love and concern from those who've been there. done that. I've not been there yet, so learning right along with you. One day, you may well be able to say "I had WLS because it was what I needed to do, was right for me and had phenomenal results!"

Sheila love, I actually did not tell anyone until the day of my surgery! Hee hee. I did not want to hear comments or what ever. I have not told other friends...and when they ask...I say I am watching what I eat and walking a lot. When I am ready I will tell them. I have some realllllly negative people who think if you really want something you will do it. BUT I wanted WLS so I did it so there! lol No worries...you will tell when you are ready. THERE IS NO shame in this at all babe!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Sheila, I didn't tell anyone about the band except my husband, kids & one close friend. I told more people as I felt comfortable doing so. I didn't tell my mother until after because she's an unbelievable worry-wart & would have made my life miserable. This time,w/RNY, the same. I am telling one colleague at work because she will be in charge when I'm out. I find that this time I'm a little more open about telling people, but not much. It's nobody's business but my own. If you don't tell someone, you can always tell them later! Take care, Karen

Hi Shelia. Congrats on your upcomming surgery. Your decision to not tell people is a very personal one and one that you have to decide on yourself. I happen to be one of the people that was screaming it from rooftops but that was my personal decision. Just remember that either way you are going to come across negative people. If you dont tell them , then everyone is going to be whispering behind your back that you have some kind of disease or your turning anorexic because your not eating or bulemic becaue your in the bathroom often. If you tell them the surgery you will have the negative ones saying you took the easy way out, and why couldnt you just do it on your own yada yada yada. So no matter what you decide be prepared for the negative that comes with it. HOWEVER there is also going to be lots of positive responses. You are going to get lots and lots of positive attention as well. Its a crazy emotional rollercoaster this surgery. So my advice is surround yourself with positive people. Meet people that are going through this journey with you and if possible find a therapist at least for the initial phases of this . It helped me alot. Best of luck to you no matter what you decide to do. Oh and if they do start to question you, "Its none of your business" is always a good response lol. LisaMarie

Sheila: I applaud you for thinking this through- I am having surgery on June 4 and I have only told my husband, sister, my sons, and three best friends. My staff at work believe that I am taking time off- period. In my situation, I do not share personal information with my staff nor do I think it is their business. I have spoken to my therapist about it and I have valid reasons for not disucssing it. I am working hard and am losing weight, so everyone has noticed the new lifestyle change that I have transformed to. Will I ever tell anyone? Maybe- I cant say right now- I am very open with many aspects of my life and to be honest, I have reflected on this for a long time, and know the risks that I am faced with. I do not intend to lie either. I think that this is a very personal decision that I am certain that you did not go into lightly. I understand the points of view from the others that have responded, but this is my opinion for what it is worth. Explaining the weight loss may be difficult, but to be honest, you will know as will I when the time is right to tell- I wish you the best of luck- and follow your instincts! Hugs, Vicki