WHATS HAPPENING TUESDAY

Dear Auntie Jan and OH Peeps~

First of all, I want to say that I have everyone on my prayer list who is sick, in the hospital, pre-op, traveling, or having family issues. I am so sorry to hear some of the things going on with our OH family-and wish we could shrink the miles, so we could physically give hugs to those who could use them!

To be honest, the ONLY reason I am in here today posting is because I, myself can use prayer. I am so disgusted with everything-and I just dont feel like I have the energy anymore, to deal with everything. The pain from this weather-I just cant function and I find myself getting edgy and snappy-when I shouldnt be. Give me a reason and you better run and hide......its getting to the very core of my soul, I can tell you that! I dont like what its doing to me.

After I did my post yesterday-I got a couple things done and then laid on the couch and watched tv for an hour-and then we got ready to go...by this time, it was raining hard-and I was hurting something fierce-which, usually, by the time the storm rolls in-or the different weather anyway-I have relief-well, yesterday, it just was NOT meant to be-and was getting evident that I was NOT going to be getting ANY relief. Ok, its not even winter yet-and I am PURELY MISERABLE! Every step is just beyond pain. Even laying down anymore-PAIN....sleeping, yep, will be woken up IN PAIN! Its rediculous! There HAS to be something in todays technology to help this crap OR at least slow down the DDD and DJD and O/A! HAS TO BE! Right? Maybe? Someone.....Anyone? I really dont feel like I will EVER have a pain free day, for the rest of my life-and I am only 40. Makes me really look forward to my future-yeah-right!

So, I just gave up....I cant fight it anymore. Cant control it. Cant live with it. Cant live without it, since that means I wouldnt be here-and I have so much to live for. Im SO DISGUSTED! I LOVE MY LIFE NOW! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 40 YRS! I have ONLY HAD MY LIFE BACK FOR A YEAR!!! A YEAR! and physically-I AM WORSE OFF THAN BEFORE!!! Now-I know...How can I be worse off than before? Well-because NOW I CAN do so much-but I cant......I can because Im not a goodyear blimp anymore-and I cant because of my bones and joints. PLEASE dont email me and tell me that I will be better off when I have surgery. NO I WONT! Surgery WILL NOT fix the DDD, DJD and O/A! It doesnt. Its like terminal cancer. There is NO CURE for it. NO CURE! This big old part of me wants to climb in my bed, pull the covers over my head-and try to wake up-cause this HAS to be a bad dream! I will surely wake up....Can you tell I am frustrated? I fooled myself-when I lost the weight, life would be so great-perfect. Everything would be better-IF I could JUST BE SKINNY.....W R O N G! Its like a sick joke. Like teasing a dog with a treat. Putting it under their nose and then taking it away-only ITS MY LIFE....

I called the arthritis foundation today. I am going to a support group. OR something. Someone HAS to know of a doctor OR specialist that can help me. Someone does, I hope. I pray. I NEED help with this pain. I am so afraid of having another MRI/Cat Scan....I dont even want to find out how much worse my spine/discs, cysts, nerves are. I dont. well, I am getting off this subject now. IF you could all send up a teeny tiny prayer-for someone to refer me to a dr that CAN and WILL help treat me-that WILL HELP ME....I would be so grateful!!!!

Now-if my physical and mental crap wasnt enough yesterday......My moms appt with her dr for her kidneys was less than desirable. Her kidneys AND her liver ARE NOT filtering like they should. Not working like they should be. She has a tumor on her adrenal gland-they are trying to find a doc to take that off. Her bp and her diabetes-out of control. Not controlled. Whatever. They are jacking with that. More tests and not good news. I KNOW my mom well enough-to know that she is NOT a fighter. She just doesnt do it. No matter HOW much you try-she wont. Guilt? Doesnt work!! Encouragement? Doesnt work. NOTHING WORKS.... I am getting online after this post and doing some research for her. Not sure if its all related to her diabetes or not. Would LOVE to see her have the wls surgery, but she is a TOTAL junk food junkie-its NOT the amount she eats-its what she eats-and WITH DIABETES-she will still eat junk ALL DAY! I just want to shake the crap out of her. Send in her depression that she has had since I can remember-and its just overwhelming...then that pc of crap Carl-he wont ever change to try and give her a better life....I SHOULD be doing more for her-BUT...I cant make myself go over there AND she WONT come out here-I have invited her 100 times...I dont know what to do...she needs to get an attorney to get her disability started-and with everything-she needs a shove-but I cant shove her-when I cant get to her! She lied to me yesterday about her appt time-and luckily-she was STILL there when I showed up-and her nurse brought us to her room-HA! I get so angry-so frustrated-I FEEL like she has so much to fight for. Me and my kids anyway-and what does she do? Lays around and sleeps 99% of the time. She does NOT leave her house unless she HAS to go do something. EVER! Half the time, she wouldnt leave on Christmas-IF she thought we would come that way. I WANT HER TO CARE! I even went as far last week as to tell her that I was disappointed-because SHE was doing the SAME THING to me-that she was angry about my grandma doing to HER....that is giving up-and MAKING us watch them die. All she said-is "I know" Ok-so you know-now WHAT on earth are you going to do about it? No answer. *Sigh* Mom-I said-Im asking you a ?, WHAT are you going to do about it? Then, she says-I hurt all the time...... OMG? WHAT? Your freaking kidding ME..... MOM! Ok-so I am asking for prayer for my mom too-for strength-to fight......

So, I run my errands....Jon is BOUNCING off the walls-IM SURE he is just reacting to my stress level. Doesnt really hit me, until we are getting out of the Suburban-and I snapped at him-because he just seemed to be going in SLOW MOTION...and he said-Mommy, WHY are you talking to me like that? Im being good today, right? right mommy? Oh man! Yes, buddy-you are... Im sorry. So-getting into the Suburban and Darrel calls me-from the house phone....I know we only have one minute before the beeping starts because the battery wont hold a charge-and I tell him that he needs to get 2 loads of wood from the wood pile- UNDER THE TARP and to wear his rain suit OVER his winter jacket. Ok he says.....(last week-2 different days-Mike told him to go get some wood for the front porch and BOTH DAYS HE "FORGOT" ) Which left Mike and I doing it. Well, BECAUSE Of him "FORGETTING" I bought a big erase board and put it on the fridge-JUST FOR DARRELS MEMORY-and right UNDER this IS his chore chart-VERY COLORFUL.....been there for a month-AT least! (the chore chart has). Ok-so Jon and I finish running our errands and getting paperwork dropped off and so on-and.....I get home-pull into my driveway (LONG driveway) and there is Darrel-over at the wood pile-OPPOSITE end that the tarp is on-and the few minutes it takes me to drive up the driveway-he has ONLY put ONE pc of wood in the cart!! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Ok-so ON his memory board-it CLEARLY states- Bring 2 loads of wood from wood pile by Morton building-From UNDER the tarp-and wear your rain suit over your winter coat IF its still raining.....PLUS-the fact I TOLD HIM THIS ON THE PHONE TOO! Well, its GOT to be because he has ALREADY taken those 2 loads over and he has run out of the wood under the tarp-RIGHT? Pull up to the carport-and NO WOOD! WHAT? I get out of the Suburban and say-What are you doing? (BIG wood pile-opposite end of the tarp-right?) "Im getting wood" he says and looks at ME like Im a tard or something.... Oh no, he didnt!!! "WHAT did "I" tell you? what does YOUR BOARD SAY? Come in the house!" I get the groceries-come in the house and Mike is in there-and I ask him to read the board....Oh, I didnt know...Yeah you did-CUZ I TOLD YOU AN HOUR AGO ON THE PHONE! So Mike overhears me say this and says-When did you talk to him? I said-a little over an hour ago-and he says-well, then Darrel-why dont YOU explain WHY you were playing Sony when I got home from work 10 minutes ago? OMG!!!??...(Not today!!! Oh no-Im thinking...) Please God, give me strength TO WALK AWAY!!! "Sony? YOU were playing VIDEO GAMES? DID you bother to do ANY of your chores? He starts to make excuses-Im looking at his chore chart-reading it off-did you unload the dishwasher? no, he says-I CHECKED IT and didnt look like it had been run? Now-I can feel the blood RUSHING to my head-I take 3 steps, open the dishwasher-call him over... What do YOU SEE? Yep, the water on top of two of the glasses on the top shelf ARE an indication IT HAS BEEN RUN!!!! Well, I checked a couple of things, he says-"DARREL THOMAS, I would THINK LONG AND HARD before you LIE to ME AGAIN TONITE!" He did NOTHING, NADA, ZIP, ZILCH!!!- You BETTER get outta this kitchen and get out there and get that wood and DO IT RIGHT...AND...You BETTER MOVE faster than you were-Heck, dad and I WITH disabilities-can move MORE than one freaking peice of wood in 3 minutes! At that rate-you will be out there in the morning-to MEET THE BUS! To top it off-the rain suit I told him to get on-is STILL on my puter chair-RIGHT by the front door-and he is wearing his snowmobile pants and jacket! OMG!!!!! So-he got grounded from video games-and when he said Okay like a little smarty pants-he also lost all dishwasher priviledges for the week.....AND.....lost tv and phone priviledges too. So, I made sure and kept a fire lit under his butt the rest of the evening....he was NOT happy....Ask me if I care? I HATE to be lied to-and I HATE it when he screws off-when he gets allowance AND gets to go off and get rewards-and then does crap like this-I swear-sometimes I think that an alien meets him at the bus stop-and takes his brain for some experiment! You CANNOT be a straight A student and then come home and be so brainless!~

So, now I am in a mood-in a mood. I am making dinner-AND....I have a 4 burner elec stove, built into the cabinets-my oven is built into the wall (to give you an idea of the kitchen) well....a yr ago-Stephanie accidentally left one of my plastic bowls on the back burner and melted it to the burner. Well, I just stopped using it-will replace it one of these days-but havent "needed" it yet-so just wasnt a big deal....Well, last night-I turned THAT burner on and caught it on fire!!! OMG.....I HAD my cow tea kettle on it-to cover it up....WHAT A MESS! We couldnt get the smell out of here. We had to open all the windows...the exhaust fan-THEN...Mike goes over and turns on the attic fan-AND....all the embers from the fireplace are flying THROUGH THE LIVINGROOM LANDING ON EVERYTHING!! LIVE EMBERS!~ Your kidding me, right? You cant even believe this house at this point and I am physically getting sick now.....I go in the bathroom and I am heeving my brains out..... The smell, the stress, the whole ball of wax.....

We HAD to leave the house-so we went to town to get the ammo for this weekend, while the house aired out. What a trip that was. I still felt sick-Jon was hyper-Darrel mopey and whiney with Jon cuz he got in trouble. Mike, bless his heart-TRYING to cheer me up-dont take offense-please-just....leave me alone. Do you want to look at this, do you want that? want me to buy this? that? NO NO NO and NO!!! We finally get home-I get the boys settled...I lay down-and the next thing I know-my alarm on my phone is going off-at 1 am. (to check the fireplace). fill it up (mike and I take turns through the night) and at 2 am-my phone is going off again and I THINK its my alarm, but its not-its texts-coming through, one right after another-and mikes phone too! WOW...I ended up with 8 of them and as Im reading through them, Mikes sister-who is in CA and is 2 hrs before us-in time-always texts at ten to midnight her time, for some reason and she always sends these chain ones that are just GROSS....AND I do mean gross-I have a good sense of humor, but these are just nasty-so I text her back and tell her to STOP texting Mike and I so late AND to stop texting her sex stuff to us-we dont appreciate it and we dont like it....get a text back-sorry. that was it. One problem down. Hundred to go-LOL.

While we are getting the ammo-we get our tags. We get landowner-and they are free if you live on more than 5 acres. The guy is telling us that they are TRYING to change it from 5 acres TO 80 acres. HOW many people OWN 80 Acres? Not many! Not only are they going to TRY and pass this next year BUT...they are RAISING ALL THE FEES for the tags-ALL OF THEM-and not by a dollar or two-by 9-12 for some and 27 on others!!! They have a website...I will get the info and post it-where we can go and voice our opposition about this-and I WILL be voicing mine! I know they have to raise the costs every once in awhile-BUT....by that much, is rediculous AND to change the amount of land by THAT much-is rediculous! They are even raising the fishing license costs-so if you dont have a hunter-but a fisher in the family-its worth getting on there BEFORE this goes through and post your thoughts!

The kids went and saw Larry the Cable Guy Sunday night. Aaron was so excited-because he got his autograph AND a picture with him-and not only that-but Tony Orlando and his family were sitting right behind Megan and Aaron-and they got pictures with him and his family as well. They were pretty excited-I was shocked they knew who Tony Orlando was-LOL....Will post the pics when I figure out HOW to - OR someone does it for me.....

Well, I am gonna get some responses done and get Jon in the shower and then do some school work. Have a ton of calls to make today too-IF I can get them all done between the two phones-and if not, will have to go down to grandmas and use her house phone to do it.

**Jan-Thanks for the offer to winterize-but it will be done by this weekend. Thanks anyway! I DO appreciate it! You guys have so much going on, that it just makes my heart feel good that you would do that for me....I love you guys!

Sounds like maybe some of us need to get together and go down to one of Vestas classes-Me, you, Lana, Sug.....LOL....and help her out! Maybe her friend will get the hint and it wont have to offend Vesta and hers friendship BUT the others in class WILL KNOW that you CANT do that!! What a waste! We know other people like that too-dont we? Look what happens to them! Sad, sad, sad!! To go through that and not care what you eat! Now, dont get me wrong-I HAVE had bicuits and gravy-BUT...I cant even eat 1/2 of the 1/2 of a biscuit and only a couple tablespoons of the gravy-and I make mine with deer meat....BUT...I dont run around acting like I can eat whatever I want and it will be okay-I know better. Eventually...and sounds like lab wise it already has-it will catch up and that wont be pretty then!

How will you find out about Jason and what happened at court? I hope-but am not hopeful..... Anyway-take care and hope your sinus's arent making you sick today!!

**Vesta-see above comments....do you want us to come down?

**Barbara-glad your okay-and its just the weather.....think its making a lot of us want to hibernate!

**Peggy-its funny-we have Zicam on the counter right now-Mike took some last night-I havent tried it yet. I tend to stick to Tylenol products...... I got pnuemonia last yr at this time-and I wont even go there again! That was bad. They wanted to admit me to the hospital and I barely got out of that!

Youve been in my thoughts and prayers and hope all is well with you and your feeling better!

**Bec-I was talking about Tammy. IF everything goes well-she will be coming to my place for a few days and will be able to go on the 19th.....Cant wait.....

**Sugar-I called dr ofc, but havent gotten a call back yet. Who knows if she could even hear my message on their machine...I will try in a minute again and email you. Thanks. Hope your better.

**Deb (pooh)....I am so sorry about whats going on. I hope and I pray that DFS will step up and do something! I am so thankful that Dylan has you! My heart goes out to you right now. Love you girl, and keep your chin up! If someone chews on you-tell them to go to .......!!!

**Sheila, Jeanine, Angie, Renee.....Where are you guys? Hope all is well. Love you guys!

Well, I am getting off here. Megan just text me and asked if she could take Jon on a play date with her nephew and he wants to go - so I have to get his school work assignment done real quick first. I hope I didnt forget anyone.....Oh yea-ANDREW-I am praying for your legs and the swelling! Please keep us posted! As always-your all in my thoughts and prayers. Janet