a little story about support

before I quit my job, I worked with a girl, whom I didn't get along with.  She was controlling, and so was I, so you can imagine, we butted heads.  when I left, she was out on medical leave, having WLS.  She met goal, looks great, had PS/tummy tuck.  I was not a good support for her, or anyone else I worked with, there were 6 woman who had RNY and I was very negative and did not encourage them in the least.  I left, without even a bye to this girl (she was gone)  anyway, she heard about my wLS and has been writing me notes and is being very supportive of me, telling me to stay possitive.  SHe has even openned up to me about having problems and has started gainning weight, up 14 lbs. as of today.  She is 3 years out this month.  I am feeling pretty guilty, she is showing me so much tenderness and hope I can return the favor.  Boy, isn't it funny how even after being enemies we can all get over our feelings and become friends.  I owe this turnaround, in my mind to all of you wonderful people.  Thank you,  Hugs, Cheryl

That's a wonderful story. You never know what can happen. Times change, people change. How nice that she has reached out and can be supportive, and so can you.

Cheryl, I know just what you are talking about.  I had a very similar situation with two acquaintances.
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One was thin and I hated her.  She is as bossy and controlling as I am and my gut reaction was "I hate this skinny  B****" 
The other is heavier than I was and I used to be great friends with her, but now she hardly speaks to me.  I am the same me, I still sit and try to talk to her, but I get the cold shoulder.

So I have come to this conclusion: I was jealous of the first one, and she is controlling but she is not a B****.  She just knows what it is like to be disliked and she feels "fat" (invisible, ignored and unwelcome) even though she isn't anymore (I still feel this way a lot of days.)  She expects people to be mean to her and she tries to beat them to it, by being mean first.  ( I also think she was extra rude to me, because I was heavy and she didn't like to be reminded of the world she had already left (please don't ever let me act like that!!!)  I don't think I will ever be friends with her, but at least I know that I was jealous. (god I hate to admit that!)

The other is jealous of my weight loss, she is very clear to me about that, but she can't get over it.  ( I would not have been able to be so honest with myself to admit my jealousy) She politely asks me a million questions about my surgery, but everytime her appointments get delayed she becomes more distant from me. 3 nights ago she apologized for it, but in a "I am so sorry I am jealous, but I really am and can't make it stop. Can we talk another time?"  I wasn't pushing for anything from her, all I did was say HI.  Hopefully she will be ok again once she joins us on the losers bench.  Wish her god speed to her approval, I miss my friend.

Jealousy is an ugly, but uncontrolable emotion, I am not saying you were or are jealous...your story just reminded me of MY jealous nature.  Don't beat yourself up over how you might have acted in the past...it is over...be a friend today.  (Like you already are :) )

funny how we can be.... we didnt' get along way before she even considered surgery, so it wasn't jealousy.  but controll, too many chiefs in the area I worked in. But, I never supported any of them in RNY, due to one bad friends experience/sick/hospitalized and still is.  I just tried to show concern for them all.  Maybe that was jealously...Can you imagine If I had chose RNY?  after me spending so much time putting it down.  what a two face I would have been.  good luck with working out the friendship....Hugs, cheryl

It's amazing how things can come full circle!  Just keep being you Cheryl!  You are a great support for all of us online and off......don't change!
Ruth

I think I have shared how freaky it has been for me lately that people don't recognize me and I have to realize my outer wrapper HAS changesd To me, I am the same person but others perception changes from the "fat girl" who must also be unworthy of my attention to the normal sized person that all of a sudden got smart, attractive, and is visible!! Well, thanks alot!! I had a friend and I use the term loosely who said to me, I can't stand to be around you, you are too happy...WHAT??? So as we figure out how to reconcile our lives with the life changing choices we made, our firiends and  family are playing catch up too. Gently remind yourself today,
 
"I only know what I know, and when I know better I do better!"
Maya Angelou

love to you, Cheryl
k