i have no support

i told all my friend i have a date and i wish i never told them i only have 1 friend that is there for me her and a nother friend of mine got in to today about my wls. one of my friends told my i was picking wls over my kids because she said i can die i no that could happen im not stupid i dont think im picking wls over my kids i would like to be around to see my kids grow up my friend no nothing about wls nothing only what they see on tv im a good person i desirve to have a good life and not to be on pills the rest of my life and wls will help me get off them i hate to sleep with that c-pap thing on every night can anyone tell me what should i say to them to make them just shut up and drop it because im not going to change my mind there just ******g me off and makeing me not want to even be around them anymore beauause it just brings me down and it is a happy time in 2 weeks i will have a new life i no it not going to be easy and im really scared sorry about my spelling im really upset thank for letting me vent

Tina I am really sorry you are gong through this, I do understand and know exactly how this feels. I had my surgery on 6/18/03..though no one in my family came out and said the words their actions spoke loud and clear..over and over again. My daughter who at the time was 24 yrs old and lived at home,ignored me completely..if I started talking about it she would give me "the look" then get up and leave the room..she didn't visit me in the hospital, when I came home she wouldn't come near me..little by little she got better but would never tell anyone I had WLS..she thought it was disqusting..she couldn't understand why I couldn't just lose the weight by dieting..she would say "mom just go with me to exercise" I weighed 307 lbs..I could barely breath much less exercise. My husband wasn't happy either ..but this time I told him I didn't care, I had to do this for me!! I had the surgery worked hard at being successful to prove I made the right decision..today I am very compliant ..my daugther will tell anyone about this surgery and has sent people to me to talk to them..I worked for a surgeon last year training as his advocate..my biggest job was to be there for the family the day of surgery..I can't tell you how many people I told this story too..I also told them I would not be alive today if it were not for going through with it..I had tons of health problems..diabetes..kidney problems, and asthma..but since surgery I havn't had a one problem and my diabetes is gone!! I havn't used my inhalers for asthma more than one or two times-(those times were high allergy seasons) Keep your chin up..remember you are doing this for you!!! and no one else. prove to them you made the right decision and then once you have them convinced, don't hold it against them..just be happy they are proud of you!! good luck and keep us informed..which doc is performing the surgery?? I met these 3 docs once briefly.. email me direct ..I will be gone for awhile this morning and I am doing a workshop this evening and tomorrow night..but I will answer your emails as soon as I can! Brenda

You are doing this FOR your children and yourself....to be there when they need you. Hang tough. This time you must be a little selfi**** is YOUR life.

I have had a few people tell me similar things. I am taking the easy way out..or...What will happen to your kids etc. Pffft! I simply ask them, "what about your uncle kenneth (or whomever you both know) did he take the easy way out when he had to have open heart surgery? Perhaps if he had tried to watch his cholesterol he would not need this surgery. What about HIS kids is he choosing this surgery over them?" the response has always been the same.."He needed that surgery to save his life!!!" I just smile and say "exactly" then turn around and leave. YOU know your doing it for your children, and for your health. So I would politely tell them to mind their own business and if they cannot be supportive then to not bother coming aorund at all. But hey, thats me, and I am not the most politically correct person in the world!

Tina, When I had my WLS, I had NO SUPPORT from my family and so-called friends. ( Funny thing is, after I had my surgery 4 of my "friends" did too) Everyone was against it...and I do mean everyone.I met Rowan Aislynn on OH message board. She was my only support, in fact her and her husband were the ones who took me to the dr the day of surgery and brought me home when I got out. Everyone said I was crazy and foolish. My mom died in Feb 2001. I received custody of my little brother after her death. I wanted to be able to be here for him and do things with him. I didnt have surgery for vanity reasons...I had surgery to save my life. I was almost 400 pounds and was getting bigger by the day. My ankles were so swollen that I couldnt walk 10 feet without getting cramps so bad I felt like crying. I had high blood pressure, diabetes, sleep apnea, and severe anxiety....and now all of those co-morbidities are gone. Grant you that I did not become some barbie doll.....Im alive and can live life. I had many complications with my surgery. When I was in pain, I would sometimes wish I never did it, but I know with all my heart and soul that if I did not have this surgery, I would not be alive today. I had to think long and hard because my little brother told me one night...and I will never forget these words....: sissy, dont die like mommy did, you are all i have left......that is the night my heart struggled the most in this decision because all I could think of...is "WHAT IF...what if I die??? a long hard look in the mirror told me that if I didnt have the surgery..there would be no WHAT IFs...I would die ..and die young from obesity. Each person has to make this deciosn for herself/himself. I know how I made the decision. I just wanted to share that with you. Best of luck and God Bless !!!

Hi Tina I just read your post. At first I too got every ones negative opinions. I have two girls that were 7 years old and it was the hardest decision I have ever made. I was scared but I didn't need everyone else to add fuel to my thoughts. I was so excited and I was at peace with my decision that took me on a journey of exploring WLS for 2 years. I got control on my friends and family. The ones that needed to know I told and I also told them what my expectations were for their support or if they chose not to support me to please keep quiet. Everyone was great. And now that the weight is coming off everyone one is pleased. I researched so long and I have fought my weight all my life I knew this was my last chance. The phrase that always got me was the one that said, " well just act like you had the surgery and eat that way for a while", people just have no idea the pain and struggle in the simplest things. Try to clear your head and just remember you are choosing a better life for yourself which will make for a much better life for your children. Jane 296/219/150 goal

Tina Everyone told me the same thing, that I could die. what would happen to my sons if i died? this was a big deal to me. my husband is a mason, which means he doesnt work in the winter, it would be winter in a few months, if i die, will he get a different job to support them? I work full time to make sure the bills are paid in the winter. I was scared, but I weighed 302lbs, I was going to die if i didnt do something. My best friend and one of my sisters said I shouldnt do it, they didnt want me too, my husband wouldnt say one way or the other. I felt like everyone was letting me down, but the day of surgery, My best friend, my sister and my husband was there, they were there to show they cared about me. If they are saying things right now, they are just scared to lose you. I had some people say they would do it, before I got approved, then when I got approved, they said they wouldnt do it at all. I think that some people may be a little jealous to know that you just might get smaller than they are. I think that they feel superior to someone that is bigger than they are, because they have some type of complex themselves. I really dont know why they wouldnt support you, if they loved you. Just tell them that you are doing this for yourself, and your kids. Ask them to imagine your kids growing up without you, because you died being overweight. Give them the scenario, that you stopped breathing overnight, your kids came in to wake you that morning. Tell them your not doing this for just yourself, your doing it for them too. Furthermore, tell them, that some people just cant lose weight. I stopped drinking soda, and all the junk food for 12 weeks, i was exercising, 20 mins a day on my gazelle, but i only lost 7 lbs, thats not how it should be, when i was doing everything the right way. Sometimes a person needs help, and if they need surgery to do it, then thats ok too. This surgery has changed my life, and it will yours too, if you need to talk to anyone, just email me, i will be here. Sabrina

I know how you feel. My husband will not stop fighting with me over the surgery . He says he is afraid for me. Well I am not afraid for myself. I know i would be much healthier than i am now and my kids would be much happier. Because I can get out and go places and go out and play with them. Just hang in there you have support here. I have alot of people telling me i dont care. but I really do that is why i want to have the surgery. good luck you have support here.