OBESITY = IRRITABILITY???

Hello OH fam,

My husband and I are new to the boards, he is a pre-op GB patient ....blah blah blah....let me get to the point...

Question:

Although he can be very sweet...I noticed that he is quite moody. Is this normal with obesity? I know that deppression can be an issue, I have heard that and have read that here on the boards.  He's not depressed at all, but he can get irritable. Especially when we are out doing things like grocery shopping or laundry. Little things seem to bug him. Is it because of having to exert himself when we do household errands? I would like to take a poll on the number of people who have had signifigant others that have complained about mood swings. Or is this something you have noticed yourself? Even if you are single...have you noticed mood swings?

I am trying to handle this with compassion, but it is difficult for me sometimes. I can deal with a lot, but sometimes have a tough time with this. Anyone have any advice? Please tell your story if you suffer from this....

PS: Yes I have talked to him about it, but I am his wife, not his mother, so I cannot try to change him. A good wife or partner will learn to adjust to the flaws of thier partner and work through them, I don't want to nag him at all.  We have great communication, but no matter how much we talk, the mood swings are still there. Will this change after surgery?

Mari

 

Both my husband and I had RNY and I can say that we were never really irritable or moody. I think that he probably has a lot of things on his mind right now like is he making the correct decision because this is a life altering thing that he is having with surgery in more ways than one. He also might be feeling an early loss of a friend and that being food. He might also be wondering how he is going to handle the less food, eating slowly, maybe he feels that he will have to give up all of his favorite foods (which is untrue), how will you two be able to pay for the supplements and better foods that you need to buy (if you have a budget issue - some do) etc. I am sure there are more things going on in his head that I have not hit on.

From a person that has had almost 35 years of fantastic communication I you for trying to talk with him. Keep up the good work. And also for getting some feedback from others as to what they went through pre op. That is what makes a good marrige great is by you trying to l educate yourself so you can make it better and live in harmony.

I don't know you or him.

But this is what I noticed when prepping for my surgery...


He is facing a very big surgery.

People die because of it.

It is scary.

Men are not equipped to deal with emotions as well as women.

I believe that is, at least partially, the reason God made men and women as a couple.

Thats also why God calls women to complete men. (Bible says when we marry we become one flesh) Men are lacking emotionally and we need women to assist in that part of our lives. Yes, men need women. Just like women need men to suppliment their physical weakness. I know there is stories about a  woman in Sweden who can pick up a bus, but in general women are weaker. (the weaker vessel) So, as the Bible says We "complete" each other.

It is also a hugh part of marital arguments. Women want men to be emotional, but we would rather bang rocks together and play with our friends in the mud. But don't give up hope, men can be trainned.

SO now he is facing all these emotions. Happiness to be getting the surgery after waiting for X many years, Eagerness, unshurity of the future, and fear of death that can come from the surgery. Its all dumpped on him at once. He isn't equipped to deal with it. SO it comes out as irritation. Everyone knows how to get irritated.

Plus in addition, he is carrying around a couple hundred extra pounds. It has to be hurting his feet, knees, hips, back, etc... (I know about 3 months ago I was carrying a couple hundred extra pounds.)  It is hard to be pleasant when you have to go walk around a store with sore knees.

 Mari

Irriatbility can indeed be a sign of depression without you realizing that you are depressed. I was really irratable and was diagnosed with depression.  Once I was put on meds, I could not believe the difference!  It could be a combination of both the anxiety of the surgery and depression.  Do not be surprised if it gets worse after surgery as emotions are very unstable post op.  It might be something to talk with the surgeon about.  Many newly post op people are prescribed anti depressant meds for a short period of time.  

Dave, Nancy & Christine:

Thank you SO much. Dave, your spiritual understanding and discernment is greatly appreciated as my husband and I are both believers. I agree with every point you made. Sometimes we just need to be reminded of the things we already know. Also, he does complain of knee pain and foot pain quite a bit. At 480 I can imagine that his joints ache quite a bit.

Nancy, thank you for the insight on depression. He did suffer from it at one time in his life, before we met. Truthfully, I think most people have a bout with it at some point in thier lives whether it is diagnosed or not.

Christine, what a testimony! 35 years? Are you serious?! Wow. My hat is off to you and your husband. That you for the encouragement.

The mood swings started right after he was hospitalized for congestive heart failure. He had a defribulator put in and was getting random shocks to his heart because the settings were too high. This made him feel like he had limitations on exerting himself. Once the settings were corrected, there were no more shocks. But they were replaced by irritability and mood swings. I love him very much folks. From the first day I met him I knew I would always be in his corner no matter what. I'm not just "in love" (I beleive that can be fleeting) but I believe in him. I have his back, even when I don't understand him. Coming to this site priovides me with the education and extra support we need so we can offer it to each other. This is not just tough for him....its tough for me too. I'm right there with him, feeling everything he feels. I am just that connected to him. That's why his emotions affect me so much. At the same time I am very strong and know how to ask for help when my strenght, knowledge and compassion are not enough for him or for me. So I thank all of you for your deposits. They will most assuredly aid me in my determination to support him in every way I can.

Yes, May 11th, 1974 and we are also believers. We are members of a small "country church" in South Barrington. Hint, not Life Changers.

Hi, Mari! I had my DS a year ago, you can see today's post for the whole tale.

I was a bag of emotions before my DS surgery. I was a mess, experiencing everything from euphoria to anxiety to sadness to fear. I was on anti-depressants and that really helped.

Thanks to my weight loss, I am no longer on depression meds. If I need them again some day, I will march off to my doc's office and get on them again.

On the other hand, all of the hormone changes in my body had me swinging wildly through some emotions in the first few months out of surgery. I had road rage bad for a couple of months! I just had to calm down and try and relax. Now I am stable, moodwise. I am back to my old self. And I (and the people in my life) love and appreciate it!

Getting moody while grocery shopping? Maybe your husband is pre-emptively mourning food and his old lifestyle a little? I think what helped me is that I can still enjoy ANY type of food I want with my DS. I don't feel like I CAN'T have anything, from dessert to meat to potato chips. Even with the RNY, people can still eat a wide variety of foods. It just may take some time to figure out what his new body can handle. Assure him that this is not an end, but a beginning.

I admire the love you two share. That will come in handy on the next part of your journey together and always.

Nicolle

Nicolle,

Thank you for your kind words and for your insight.  Yes he gets moody doing anything that makes him sweat....well....not everything...LOL.  Some things he still enjoys.

:)

But it can be tough for me because he wasn't like that at first. But I am learning not to take it so personally. My being sensitive when it comes to him doesn't help. I love to please him so when he gets crabby with me, its upsetting. But that makes it worse, so sometimes I just give him a hard look with my big eyes and then look him up and down...then roll them. He seems to think that's funny. LOL..hey whatever works.

I think he is mourning food. I would too! He's also afraid something will go wrong with the surgery. But we have Faith and know everything will be fine. Thanks again for your support.