Can i vent please?

I know none of you know me from a weed of grass and i promise i will have a picture up soon but at this late hour i am sitting here with a delima on my hands and quite frankly angry and hurt. My boyfriend, of five years lives with me and let's say he is not a happy camper at all about me doing this surgery. He reluctantly is taking me to Dr. Duncans seminar on Tuesday. Tried for every excuse in the book let me tell ya. Now he is a larger man almost double my weight and he has told me besides not liking me doing this surgery he fears i will look good and leave him. Okay now, for five years i have catered to his every little pout and yes some men do pout. Now i want something for me yet he wants to deny me of it? No fretting come heck to high****er i am doing this and very well may recoup with my sister in alabama but, why is it the people we love don't want us to change for the betterr? Have any of you dealt with this? Or am i the only one in the Twilight Zone? The inner me in SREAMING to get out but he would rather me be miserable. Just don't see the logic here. Sorry for the rant i had nothing else left to talk to cept elmo and barney and well if i start doing that will fail that psych eval for sure lol. How should i handle him with out stressing my self to the hilt? Any thoughts, antidotes, or cures are welcome. Also a side note have my packet ready for tuesday. Did the bio but noticed i kept using the word binge for past history is that something i should kinda reword cause i don't want them to think i will binge on this?

I wish I had some comforting words of wisdom for you..... I don't. I am leaving a nearly identical situation, and it took me forever to figure out that, every time I tried to better myself, she would make sure to shoot it down... so, I am outta here. I would not have believed that there were people who "stayed afloat" by holding us under... but it is true. They either figure out that what they are doing is wrong and get on the support wagon real quick, or they don't. I know how you feel Sandra... I really do. I hope that is at least a little comforting. Do what you need to do for YOU... and in the end at least you will know you did the right thing.

Sandra, When you print the online forms from peachtree bariatrics website it tells you to do a 2 page bio, as part of the information you submit. I to will be attending that seminar and have to do my bio this evening. Melissa

Yes, You can vent. Share your experiences with him about your weight over and over again til he actually "hears" what you are saying. Tell him you have been there for him through his thick and then and NOW you NEED him to be there for your thick and thin. Maybe he will come around. I beleive by you facing your fears, you are forcing him to face his fears about his weight loss need in itself alone. Welcome again to the Georgia gang, where we can all share our own experiences and get support too! Crece

Hi Sandra, I am new to this site, and I could not help myself but to respond to your problem. Do not let his problems become your problems. All I can say, is remember he is a MAN, and he just can't help himself!! If he truly loves you, he will begin to understand that you are not doing this just for you, but for the two of you, and so that you can have a more enjoyable and longer life together. Hopefully, he will come around and understand how you feel about this, and that you are dedicated to making this change in your life.

First off thanks to all of you for responding. Yall are so sweet. Marc thank you yes that was comforting for me to know and i am so sorry to hear your in the same boat as me. I wish you the best I know how hard it is have been there before and there again. Sandra thanks i will try to keep him coming to meetings. He is 13 yrs older than me so trust me i can relate. He is the type person who wants what he wants but never trys to better himself. Been trying to get him to for 5 years soooo as my mom use to say you can take the horse to water but you can't make it drink. I can only do so much. Good example he bought a truck last yr that put us in debt but he is so freaked about me doing this and trust me the truck cost more than this will for me. He is a very self centered person when it comes to material or emotional things. And on the bio will have it with everything else just incase they loose it lol. Crece did that all this week and his reply was um sounds like your trying to convince yourself. He doesn't want to hear it yet wants me with in arms reach in fear i will leave him. Hoping tuesday will help but if not he is gonna have to just deal with it cause this is happening regardless of his pouts and tantrums. We are not married and NO MAN tells me what i can and can not do been down that road before. Thanks for the welcome this board and all of you have been my sanity while trying to get this stuff going. And it is so appreiciated. Norma thanks I hope he does but if he doesn't then that say alot for who he is and shows truly how much he does not care. If he doesn't want this for himself love me enough to let me do it for me and our 3 yr old daughter. Ok off the soapbox now thank you all again

Sorry I'm late in responding to you Sandra, but here's my 2 cents for what it's worth. I fortunately divorced my unsupportive husband 13 years ago, WELL before I even had heard of this surgery. However, even back then, everytime I would get going really good on a diet and start losing, he would do everything he could to sabatoge me, and would tell me that "You are gonna get skinny and leave me". (LOL!! I left him and I was STILL a fatass! LOL!! oh..that was so ugly! sorry..) What you are dealing with are his OWN insecurities. Sandra girl, YOU and ONLY YOU are ultimately going to be the one to take care of you. If he cannot understand your need to lose this weight and be a healthier version of yourself, and if he has SO little trust in your relationship, that it cannot withstand changes in your physical appearance, I can't help but think it's time to rethink this relationship. Now...that said, I KNOW it's much easier for me, sitting here judging your situation to make such a statement, and to ACTUALLY be in the situation is very difficult. MAKE YOU HAPPY. If you don't, clearly he is not going to. MAKE YOU HEALTHY. You DESERVE to live a healthier way of life. Your daughter DESERVES a happier, healthier mom. Good luck to you girl, and BIG HUGS to you and a GREAT BIG welcome to the Ga board. I hope to hear more from you....whether it be venting your frustrations or you sharing how happy you are after you have allowed yourself to enjoy life the way you deserve to!! Take care!! Tami 340/192/??

Welcome to the GA Board. NATURALLY we welcome everyone - even those with frustrations. I'm so sorry you're having a hard time with this. I got the back lash similar to this with my mother before she passed away - and honestly had she not passed away I probably would have never gone through with this surgery because I didn't want to hear how scared for me she was and how "unnatural" all of this is. Looking back on it if I had gone through with it while she was alive she would have seen how truly happy it has made me. This is YOUR decision - with or without him. I pray that he sees how important it is to take over your health in a positive light. This is not an easy decision to make - but make this decision could be the BIGGEST decision make in your life. We are here for you - everyone at the Ga board has become an extended family to me and I hope that you would feel free to join our gang for any of our monthly gatherings as it is truly a joy and blessing to have the support of these wonderful people in your life. Let us know how your seminar goes.....you're in the thoughts and prayers of many. Much Dee Dee