I feel like a hipocrite!

I may be completely alone in this one- but if I am not I need to know. Let me start by saying that I love my fiance very much,, but lately I have been having horrible feelings regarding his weight. He is a large man, about 280-290 and has been large his whole life, so I understand how hard it is. But- lately, mainly because I am up at 5 amd every am so I can go to the gym, work and school and don't get home until about 10:45pm, I get so frustrated when he complains about his weight, but everytime I see him his girth is just wallowing on the sofa. He complains but does nothing, and since I have waged such a determined war on my own fat, I hate seeing it on him. I feel so bad for feeling this way but I can't help it. Especially since when he does put in the effort to exercise he loses quickly. I am frustrated and feeling guilty for finding him less attractive lately, especially since he finds me more attractive. I feel like he needs to work on himself if he wants to enjoy the skinnier me. What do I do? What can I say without hurting his feelings? Please help! Thanks Erica

We all here know that saying things to people does not do any good. He has to want to change and be unhappy enough with himself before he will do anything. Also if you loved him before you should love him now no matter what. Are you sure your feelings towards him lately aren't just latent feelings about yourself as a fat person? Right now you see fat as the enemy and you are reflecting that onto him. If his health is fine and he is good to you, hold on to him, leave him alone and work on yourself. A good man is hard to find, fat or not. Wendy Daly

Your so RIGHT!!!!!

These things can be tough. Try a corporate approach- meaning.... ask him to excercise with you- be a TEAM!! WLS was our quick redeemer but, I can relate to him- I would complain and do nothing. The weight game's even tougher when the results are slow. HE NEEDS YOUR LOVE AND INSPIRATION. Hang in there w/ him- he needs you. Also, offer healthier alternatives such as food and excercise. Express to him your desire to have him around for along time. Prayerfully, he will see your heart in this.

Another person mentioned the corporate approach, to exersize as a team...I think that is a great idea..I would suggest taking it a bit further even...Tell him you are having some trouble keeping motivated to exersize and YOU NEED his help...tell him you need him to exersize with you to keep you motivated and to keep you losing weight...and be appreciative when he does,,,tell him it means so much to you that he is helping you,etc...a bit sneaky, i know...but sometimes people are willing to help others even if they are not willing (or able)to do something for themselves. Good luck Love, Dorota

Obviously you can relate to him because I am sure you were not always so determined as you are now. Keep encouraging him. Hopefully eventually he will get the point. Let him know this is a major life change for you and you want it to be for him. Make sure he knows you love him, and are concerned..