My marriage is over!

Oh Kris - how devastating! I am so sorry to hear this. This happened to a co-worker of mine but I'm not sure of the details on when it all happened. (The co-worker is the one who decided he's gay.) I often wondered if it was in his marriage beforehand in some subtle way before. I really feel for you - what a horrible thing to have happen. I'm so sorry... Dina

Kris, I wish I could give you a big hug in person. It sounds like you and he are both being as mature about this as possible. With the 2 of you trying to remain friends and doing the nesting that is so right for your daughters. I hope you have a strong group of support people that you can air all your feelings to. I hope your husband is sure of his choice and won't regreat it at a later time. I I am having some marriage problems too, as they say WLS make a bad marriage worse and a good one better. I honestly thought that before surgery that I did have a pretty good marriage but now I realize how pessimistic he is and I am completely opposite and I don't really feel I can stand all that negativity in my life. I don't know what will happen but I am keeping my options open. I love this man and he has started counseling for me (he has lots of baggage, his mom drug him away from his father when he was 2, never let him see him again until his father shot himself and then she FORCED him to go to the funeral he was 18 at this time...he saw a picture of himself with his dad on his dads night stand from when he was 2...has made him really angry at his mom and sad he couldn't have ahd a relationship with his dad and maybe prevented the death...I am rambling sorry) All that was to say he has issues but I thank God he is willing to talk them out with a coundelor and I hope our marriage stays together. So Kris I will pray for you and I hope that you find your true soulmate when you are ready to move on. I wish you peace and happiness and for your daughters as well.

This isn't the main issue and it's nice to see everyone supporting Kris, but as a lesbian I am sensitive to the comments I see in relation to being gay. If you are gay, you don't "decide" you are gay.

It would be tragic regardless of gender or sexual orientation. One's spouse leaving someone for anyone is tragic. Dealing with orientation differences is difficult regardless of which way it goes. What you thought you knew is not true. What you built your life on is no more. Being left when everything to you is just fine because of what you perceived as your normal life being turned upside down is traumatic and tragic. If one knows before one gets married, it's a shame on them thing. They just entered into a union putting their spouse in a position of possibly being extremely hurt later on. It has nothing to do with deciding one is gay or not. It has everything to do with everything you believed about your relationship turning out to be what feels like a lie. It turns your world upside down. And specifically when you are dealing with something like this, the chance that you can work it out is so much less. The hope is gone - shattered. THAT is tragic. Dina