Does it make you angry?

I am starting to find that there are people who go out of their way to be nice to me now that I have lost a lot of my weight that looked right through me before. I'm not talking about people noticing and complementing me--but people that just interact noticeably more positively than before. I guess it should make me thankful that this is just one more blessing from the surgery, but in truth, it makes me angry that they are so shallow. I am the same person. Why should I be treated with more interest than I was before?? I have always tried to see the person within others, no matter what the exterior, and I have expected and even assumed that others did the same. (I know--I am a really naive 52 year old!) I expected and dreaded that some of my overweight friends might change their relationships with me because of jealousy, but I did not expect this and find it just as hurtful in an odd sort of way. I guess it is just that for the first time, I see how their reactions toward me have been colored by prejudice in the past. I want to forgive and respond warmly now, but I am having a hard time recovering respect for them. I truthfully think they are unaware of their reactions. Am I alone in this? If not, how are you handling it? Joy

Hi Joy: It's just the way people are. I've seen it and experienced it. but I knew it existed before I had surgery. Be happy for the change in yourself. Don't be angry with folks for being shallow - they can't help it or something. Just be happy with the new attention. Louise

Joy, I've long maintained that weight predjudice is one of the last bastions of acceptable predjuce in this country. I don't know what it is that makes people think that it's OK to comment on other people's weight. Don't know about the rest of you, but I've had total strangers come up to me and suggest diets that they've been on or an exercize plan. I've not been hired for jobs because of my weight. I once had a boss who magnanomously told me that he understood how hard it was for me to look good since I was heavy. I have recently noticed the same phenomena. I work in a 19 story building and pass the same people coming in in the morning and leaving in the evening. People who never looked at me 4 months ago are now starting conversations and holding the door open for me. This ticks me off royally and normally I avoid people who treat people differently based on weight, color, religion, etc. I've thought hard about this issue came to this conclusion: There is the slightest possibility that people are treating me differently now because I am different. Not my size, but my demeanor. I smile more, I carry myself less defensively, I reach out to people more frequently. Maybe this makes me more approachable. Maybe this is why people are nicer, friendlier, reaching out. Is this true in all cases? No, but I have chosen to accept this as the cause and give people the benefit of the doubt. I choose to act as if this is the truth in all cases because I know that I will never change the thinking of ignorant people. It is not worth my time to worry about what they think or how they feel about me. I have my group of people who have loved me through thick and thin. Those are the people who's opinions matter, not the people who have only recently thought me worthy of notice. Connie

Joy, you nailed it when you brought up the issue of forgiveness and a willingness and desire to respond warmly. This speaks volumes for the person that you are. Chose that route, my friend. This is about you, not about them. The mantra I share with my children on a daily basis is: I cannot change people; I can only change how I respond to them. If we continue to dwell on the negative aspect of human nature -- ignorance, deceipt, superficiality -- what time can we afford ourselves to be happy, truly happy, with who we are? Be happy for yourself. Look how far you've come. Look where you're going. I'm proud of you for looking deep within yourself to address this difficult and painful issue and I thank you for asking us to do so as well. God bless and be well, Maureen

It's the invisibility rule/factor - the larger you are, the more invisible you become. It's totally amazing to me that someone my size could be so invisible. As far as getting less and less invisible - I haven't experienced that very much yet, but I'm still in the MO category. I like Connie's take on it. I went into my my snr mgr's office last week and she commented how good I looked. She then said that it's not just the weight loss, but that I seem to be much happier. She said I smile a lot more than I used to - amazing, since I hate the job as much, if not more than before So, maybe Commie is right - I chose to think she is, and that any extra attention we are getting is more as a reaction from others on how we are responding the them. mgm

I guess I am a weied person because everyone is treating me the same. Maybe I still look the same as always to them I have lost 47 pounds but it is like no one has really notice to much of a differenc. But then again I am the same person so they must only notice me. Friends and famil rarely say anything about how I look or the weight going down. I feel a difference in my clothes even had to buy a few sizes smaller from a 26 to an extra large So I know I am losing but it seems like no one says you look like your losing weight so I guess they still see me as the Sarah they always knew . This is good right???????? I think all the people around me look at my heart and not my body that is good....

Just take it as another lesson in how people in general are. I'm getting the same thing. It's like suddenly becoming the popular kid (have you seen Mean Girls, you oughta for a light look at this?). I went to my son's graduation on Saturday and, apparently, there was a lot of comment. My kids told me about it later. Wow, did I feel naive for not noticing a thing. Fairly shocking but the less bitter you can be, the happier you will be. It's the same with any other tragic difference. You should have seen how people treated me when my daughter had severe handicaps...and then how they changed when she overcame them and appeared "normal." I do experience a permanent sense of distance from that, but I look at it as "forewarned is forearmed" or something. A lot of people are not of very strong character. In time, you will feel more sorry for them than anything else. Right now, it's normal to be fairly shocked. The prejudice against overweight people is alive and well...and living among us. I can't figure out what I hate more -- this kind of thing or the unctuous Mary Hart cooing (insincerely, I am sure) over the overweight synchronized swimming team for celebrating their overweight. Gano Gano

I know what you mean - everytime I pass one girls desk at work she says, oh look there goes that skinny lil thing. it was funny the first 3 or 4 dozen times, but its getting old. -Sherrie

Marla - so true the bigger you are the more invisible you become. I have noticed that out in public places like stores and such. I have been lucky like Sarah...my friends and co-workers and such are treating me the same so far. I guess I havent lost THAT much yet. I am eager to see what it will be like when I hit goal. I know I am going to be much more outgoing so its going to be hard to tell wether its my personality that is attracting people or the fact I am not huge and its prejudice. Elizabeth M