More thoughts on self image? I'm so mixed up! (very long)

Morning everyone! I was kind of hoping to see some posts on this and I did read LeAnne's which was great. Does anyone else still feel like that super fat girl? I for some reason can't get over it. I still think I won't fit into things, or through things (play ground slides, hallways someone else is walking through, tight spaces around people, etc). I still think of myself and fat and call myself fat and people look at me like I'm nuts and are like who are you talking about? it can't be yourself! In return I look at them like THEY are nuts or blind. The skin, the saggy, nasty, gross skin .... I can't even say what I'm thinking about that. I still won't know for mos and mos yet if my insurance will cover it. And I'm saving the money anywise, cuz there's always something I could do. I'm more critical of my body then I ever was! And then!!!!.... sometimes I'll catch myself in the reflection of the grocery store freezer doors and say wow that chick looks pretty nice, and then it's like OMG it's ME! (as I keep staring at myself and actually ran my cart into a post---yes this actually happened, and yes I really AM a dork!) Also the other day I was brushing my teeth and my mind must have been wondering but I glanced in the mirror and saw this tiny waist (everything is okay on the top half ya know? lol) And then it just hits me that this is me! When I looked at my fat pix mos before I was like wow, but look where I came from. Now I look at them and I cry and cry and I hate looking at them. I feel horrible and guilty and bad for being like that. When people tell me how wonderful I've done sometimes I beam, sometimes I am just embarassed and say it's not a big deal, I shouldn't have been like that anyway. Why praise me when it was my fault in the first place??? Crying seems to be the in thing for me now but I have other stuff going on I'll explain in the next post, but it's getting crazy. I have 2 daughters that are 13 and 11, a size 0-1ish and a size 3-4ish. My oldest put on a pair of my jeans by mistake thinking they were her's ( it's harder to tell now, my other jeans were a size 28 and easy to spot!). Well anyway, there was an inch or 2 difference in her waist of the jeans. I saw that and just burst into tears and scared my poor daughter! I look at her and she's the skinniest little thing. We are only an 8 lb difference but already she has 2 inches on me though. Is this really me cuz i don't see it!!! I'm so confused and stuff, am I the only one? Hugs, Renee

Oh the other thing I forgot that's sort of funny... I still go to the size m and L racks for shirts and bigger sizes for jeans. I also keep one size up of jeans that don't fit, just in case! Can you say WHACKO! (yes, then I'm surprised when I get home and try the top on and it's baggy as hell!) Oh yeah, do you notice now you look for small nice fitting tops now? Instead of long baggy ones? haha! Me again

You aren't WACKO You're just dealing with the same headgames that most of us are dealing with. Like I said in my reply to Leeanne's post the other day, it's going to take some time for our brains to catch up to our bodies. Yes, I still think of myself as fat....but then again, I am still over 200 pounds. I always go to the plus size clothes and get frustrated cause they are too big. I still hesitate to go to the regular misses department and worry that what I choose won't work for me. I order clothes online and have to send them back cause I ordered too big. I have gotten rid of most of my "fat" clothes on EBAY - hay I need bucks to buy new stuff that fits and this is a good way to "recycle" I weigh less now than I did in high school and I still feel fat. I check out chairs and think to myself, am I going to fit? But I always do. If it is really bothering you, you may want to look into getting some short-term counseling. I've done it and it really helps. At least you can hang out with the rest of us "WACKOS" Sending many hugs, Ronna

Counseling may be a good idea. It's really nice to get your feedback.... with people that understand and don't look at you like you're crazy!!!

Hey Renee~ You are so not alone~ I have those same exact feelings to a tea~! Thanks for posting and letting me know I am not the only one going thru this! BTW: We are almost neighbors!! I am in Red Wing, MN and Eau Claire isnt to far from here! About 90 minutes~! Suzette

Ah!!! Very very cool. It's nice to have someone by me

Renee, Isn't it crazy, what we do to ourselves? I checked out your profile, you look fantastic! It's good to be able to vent all this stuff here, cause we all know what it's like and everybody understands! Right here with ya sista! Leeanne

You're definately not the only one! I could have written this post. Yes I am still not at my goal weight, I just now crossed into under 190. Just this morning my coworkers said my god where are you disappearing too. I was like you guys are crazy, look at my gut LOL but then I'm the same as you every great once in awhile I catch a glimpse of me and I'm like wow who is that. Even when I see pictures I think I'm fat in them, it's just the reflections that catch me sometimes. Keep up the good work, you look great! Maybe someday we'll get our body image straight!

I know what you are going through. It sounds as though many of us are. I really think that I am half crazy sometimes. Today a friend had a great shirt and jacket combo on. I told her how much I liked it and that I would love to borrow it, but I could not fit into it because it was a medium. She looked at me and asked if I were crazy. I told her that I would take a large or an Xlarge. She made me try on her jacket just to prove that a medium would fit me.... I was scared to put it on because I sometimes feel like everyone else is seeing me the wrong way and that I am really still fat and they are seeing me thin because they are so used to seeing me fat. ( does that make any sense?) any way, when I put it on, it fit.. It fit just fine. She just looked at me and said there, do you believe me yet???? I just dont understand it.... When will our brains catch up with our new bodies? You are NOT the only one... but in a world full of average weighted people, we feel like the only on. Hang in there, we will get used to it, hopefully soon. Cathy