Where to start first. I was a beautiful active little girl. I competed in beauty pageants, sang, played piano, did all the things that normal kids do. Around third grade I started packing on the pounds and no matter how much I was outside, no matter how much I did, I just kept gaining. I've been on diets since I was 10. Not a great way for a kid to live.
Then life starts to settle in after middle school. You see all these beautiful girls wearing these beautiful clothes and you desparately want to be one of the "sheep". Hearding together, giggling in the bathroom, talking about their date with the quarterback or whatever hot popular guy it was that week. Then there was me. The fat chick with the baggy jeans and t-shirts. Of course I was cool in my own right. lol... I had a great since of humor and a great personality. But I guess that's our way for compensating for our size.... anyway... I had a great circle of friends. I'd even gone on a few dates... But there had always been that one guy who I had a crush on. From the first day I met him in 9th grade, I was in love. He was a little on the chubby side, but I would have never said he was overweight. He was a jock... Football and wrestling teams. We met in choir through a mutual friend and we all hung out together during choir. He was seeing someone else at the time.
Age 17 - weight 250
At the end of our sophmore year, he took one of our friends to prom because her date had backed out last minute. Well, she used to bring me to school in the mornings and I blabbed about my crush on this guy... Well she told him that night at prom...
Finally our junior year comes around and he's paying a little more attention to me. We start hanging out more at school and I start bringing him home from school. We started hanging out more and more outside of school. My parents were fighting and I needed to be away from home so he was a great way for me to get out. I wanted to hang out with him anyways. His family was great and he was so much fun to be around. Finally my mom left and things started getting better. I really came out of my shell and he and I officially started dating... the rest is history.
weight 270-280 - June 24th, 2000
A year after graduation we got married and we have 2 beautiful girls. But throughout my life I have battled with my weight. I weighed about 280 when we got married... after 2 kids, I weigh 420 now. At my highest I was 425. I know I'm not that far from it now, but I don't want to see that number on the scale ever again.
Madison age 2 1/2 - Genna age 3 1/2
About 2 years ago, after my youngest was born, I looked into the Lap Band. I went to the seminar and went to see the Dr. and went to my primary Dr. to get his opinion. I had the psych consult, and I had the pre-op bloodwork done... All I was waiting for was for word from the surgeon's office. I called a few weeks later to see how the results were and they had a new girl in the office and she said that they would call when they had something for me. I never heard anything. I didn't press things either. I had heard some dissatisfied stories about lap band and not really decided against it, but just decided to put it off for a little while longer.
Well, now I'm to the point where my back is hurting constantly, I have bursitis in my hips, my knees are hurting, and something is wrong with my left foot.... possible stress fractures... not sure. I'm only 26. There is no reason for all of these problems. In December, I suffered a major panic attack (my first) which I thought was a heart attack. I have since then had a few others, but not too many. Enough to cause concern, though. I'm lucky enough that I don't have high blood pressure or diabetes or any other major health problems. I'm just tired of being tired all the time.
November of 2006 - Highest weight of 425
My poor girls and my wonderful husband are the ones who really suffer for this. I can't do all the things that I should be able to do because of my weight. I am missing out on life. I don't want to miss out anymore. When I was having that panic attack in December, all I could think was that I didn't want to die. I wanted to LIVE!!! I wanted to see my girls grow up. I wanted to see my grandchildren. I wanted to grow old and wrinkly with my husband.
But that's exactly what I'm doing to myself. I am killing me. Not just physically, but slowly, I'm killing that girl who I was in high school. That fun, independent, wild, funky girl. I want to look in the mirror and see her again. I was obese then... over 200 pounds... but it was never the weight... I was never that person. I've become this shell of that person who has defined their life by the many failures. There is a line in a poem that I wrote MANY years ago... but it's become my mantra lately... "Failure is always an option, but it will never define who we are." I need to get that embriodered on a pillow or something... = )
I'm ready to be me again.
Weight Loss Progress Chart!
12/18/06-425 - BMI - 77.7
4/2/07 - 420 - BMI - 76.8
4/7/07 - 414 - BMI - 75.7
4/17/07- 409 - BMI - 74.8 <--- Consult with surgeon
6/1/07 - 408 - BMI - 74.6 <--- Pre-ops at hospital
6/5/07 - 403 - BMI - 73.7 <--- Day of surgery -22 lost pre-op
7/5/07 -375 - BMI - 68.6 <--- 1 month post-op -28
8/5/07 - 352 - BMI - 64.4 <--- 2 months post-op -23
9/5/07 - 339 - BMI - 62 <--- 3 months post-op -13
10/5/07 -323 - BMI - 59.1 <--- 4 months post-op -16
11/5/07 -310 - BMI - 56.7 <--- 5 months post-op -13
12/5/07 -299 - BMI - 54.7 <--- 6 months post-op -11
1/5/08 -290 - BMI - 53 <--- 7 months post-op -9
2/5/08 -280 - BMI - 51.2 <--- 8 months post-op -10
3/5/08 -268 - BMI - 49 <--- 9 months post-op -12
4/5/08 -259 - BMI - 47.4 <---10 months post-op -9
5/5/08 -251 - BMI - 45.9 <---11 months post-op -8
6/5/08 -248 - BMI - 45.4 <--- 1 year post-op -3
7/5/08 -248 - BMI - 45.4 <--- 13 months post-op -0
8/5/08 -244 - BMI - 44.6 <--- 14 months post-op -4
9/5/08
10/5/08
11/5/08
12/5/08
1/5/09
2/5/09
3/5/09
4/5/09
5/5/09
6/5/09
4/5/07
So I completed my registration and I am scheduled for the seminar on 4/17/07 at 1pm... Nervous again... I've been researching all day every day for the last couple of days about the VSG and I really think that is going to be my best option... we'll see how things go and I'll keep posting updates for whoever actually reads this... probably just for myself, but that's all good.
4/17/07
I had my seminar and consultation with Dr. Bellanger today. That went a whole lot better than I thought. I was unfortunately the biggest person there, but I felt that it didn't really matter since we were all there for the same reason. I'm normally the kind of person who keeps to themselves, but I really felt comfortable talking to the women who were in there today. Of course not many people had heard of VSG, but Dr. B explained it quite a bit and when he left and people starting asking questions, I started thinking about all the info everyone on here has been telling me or the info that I read in Nano's FAQ. All of that information really came in handy today. I swear I felt like I could have gotten up there to talk to those people about the surgery... I told them all I could about everything I had learned about the prodecure including some statistics on success and complications. I really was impressed with myself. I can honestly say that that was the first time I actually had "FUN" at a Dr's appointment.
They weighed me and I ended up with a wonderful loss. I was 409 on their scale, but that was fully clothed... a long skirt, size 6x... and a Huge shirt that I made probably size 6 or 7x... I do make my own tops a lot of the time, because I have such a hard time finding stuff in catalog's that fit me right. Very skillful... i know... More like very depressing that it's come to that. When I got home I made sure my scale was accurate according to the DR's scale and I got NEKKID!! 10 pounds worth of clothes!!! I weighed 399... I broke the 4 barrier and I didn't even know it!!! I hated even thinking that I weighed more than 400 pounds... that's like almost a quarter of a ton... SICKENING!!! NO MORE!!
On my way home, I called my PCP for the letter clearing me for surgery and that was all my DR. required since I did everything else 2 years before. Once they get the letter from my PCP then they submit it to insurance and I called the insurance company and they said that hopefully 5 business days after they recieve the request, I should have an answer. YAY!!! I swear, I'm gonna be calling them every day!!
Ok... I think that's all my story for now... I'll post again when I've got more!!!
4/20/07
So I had my appointment with my PCP... Let me just say that I love this man!! He is like part of the family... he was my grandparent's Dr... my dad's DR... My husband's entire family's Dr... and he is will always be our Dr.
I went in today to get clearance for surgery. He was so excited to hear that I had made the decision to do the VSG. Even though Dr. B didn't require more lab work, my PCP wanted to run some basic tests, just to have something on his file to compare with. It was a great, GREAT appointment.
I ended up having to go home to do the urine test since I tried to do it there and ended up dropping the cup in the toilet... lol... I told the ladies in the lab that those little cups should be bigger and have a handle!!! I'm sorry... I just can't whip it out like a guy and not spill a drop. LOL!!
Hopefully he will get all of the test results in by Monday since they are pretty quick about those things and fax that letter to Dr. B so we can get the insurance company to approve this thing.
So hopefully, possibly, by the end of next week, I MIGHT have an answer and a date... wouldn't that be AWESOME!!!
4/23/07
It's late, but hubby's been off the last 2 days and I've been neglectful... sorry guys!! Today, I heard back from my PCP and all of my blood tests were totally normal!! yippee!!! He faxed the lab results along with the clearance for surgery this afternoon. I tried to call Dr. B's office to confirm that they got the papers, but the girl I needed to talk to wasn't in her office and she didn't return my message... I'll be sure to call her tomorrow... In addition, I'll be calling my insurance company to make sure that they got what they needed from the surgeon's office... It's time to get this party started! WOOOO HOOOO!!!
4/27/07
Just a quick update... I got a message from Tracy at Dr. Bellanger's office saying that she sent the letter of pre-determination to my insurance company yesterday. I called my insurance company again, just to make sure approval for the pre-determination would take 5 business days like the origional lady I talked to said... Well it's more like 30 days... but it'll happen... I plan on calling the insurance company every other day to make sure they are getting this thing approved!!
5/3/07
Nothing major to report at the moment. I did get a call from the surgeon's office requesting my weight records from my PCP for the insurance company. All of that is taken care of as of yesterday and the letter of pre-determination is under review. Hopefully I'll have an answer in the next few weeks.
I am so impatient!! I'm ready to get this show on the road! Although every time I think about surgery, I start to feel anxiety. I know it's all in my head. I know this procedure is for me. There are just so many 'what if's' that are making me scared. When I sleep at night, I dream about all the things I'm going to be able to do, next year that I can't do now.
On April 28th we went to the Celtic Woman concert and the chairs were SOOO small, I have a bruise on my stomach from the armrest digging into it. The bruise was probably a little bigger than the size of my fist!!! It was obvious how well I DID NOT fit into the chairs. I caught a few disgusted looks from people. There was an older woman who was having trouble getting up the steps and I offered my hand to her, which she refused, but gladly used my stomach for leverage. I was miserable walking up and down the steps to our nosebleed section seats... and then walking clear across the world to get back to our parking space. My thighs and knees are still hurting.
I'm so tired of hurting all the time. I was doing the dishes last night and my hands were shaking because my back hurt so bad. I'm 26 for pete's sake!!! I'm so tired of living life this way. I know it will get better and I hate that I have to do something like surgery to make it better. I've tried for 17 years to do this on my own and I just can't anymore. It's always been so hard for me to ask for help... Once I finally do, it seems like it'll take forever for me to get it.
I've just got to stay positive! Keep focusing on the things that I'll get to enjoy soon enough. I'm even planning a trip to see my sister next November. She's in the Air Force and will be deploying to Iraq in July but will hopefully be home in Feb. of next year. She will come to stay with us like she usually does every year, but I never get to go see her, because she lives in Arizona. I know I can't fit into one seat on a plane and I don't think I could handle having to buy 2 seats. So hopefully by November of next year I'll be thin enough and have enough energy to bring the girls with me and go visit my sister for Thanksgiving.
Ok... I think I've rambled enough for one afternoon! I'll post more when I hear something...
5/10/07
I called the insurance company this morning since today made 3 weeks since they've had all my information. I swear I researched all of this before I even made any calls to the Dr's office, but apparently Dr. Bellanger and Vista are considered Out-of-Network. Which should be fine because I have out-of-network coverage, I'll just come out of pocket more. No biggie... But when I talked to the insurance company, they sounded like they were having a problem with not wanting to approve it because of the out-of-network thing. There was no answer on the information that they had when I called, so the woman I spoke to said that she would have someone call me this afternoon to try and figure this out and hopefully get an answer this week!!!!!!!!!!! I don't mind coming out of pocket more, I just want them to cover what they are supposed to cover... That's why I pay for insurance isn't it.....
Enough of all that... pfft!
Last night I got to go to my first support group meeting! I was so excited! I got to see Patience and Felix again. We had met for the first time a few weeks ago when we went out to eat before the Celtic Woman concert... It was great to see them again! I also got to meet Katie (dancemom). She and I have been emailing back and forth and talking on the phone, so it was really nice to meet her! Everyone seemed so nice at the meeting! After the meeting, Patience and I went to see how Tina and Jill were doing. Poor Tina, she was just having a rough time, so we let her rest... Hope to hear something from her soon to see how she is doing. I was so suprized to see how well Jill was doing. Felix had had his surgery on the 17th of April so Patience was familiar with how well she was doing... I thought she'd be knocked out and drugged to the point of incoherence... She was sitting up indian style in her bed and moving around with just a little discomfort... Swearing that there was a nat flying around her head as she swatted at it!!! LOL... Yes there was a nat there... = ) She was joking around and chatting it up with us. It was so reassuring to see her doing so well!!! It was absolutely a pleasure meeting her.
This site has been a true blessing. I have made more friends here in the last few months than I have in the last 10 years.
I wish all my new, beautiful friends all the success in the world.
Brightest Blessings to all!!!!!!!!
5/11/07
Hello again. I don't know how many people actually read this, but here's an update as of today on my insurance/surgeon troubles. Because Dr. Bellanger and the Vista Hospital are considered out-of-network, and it is a costly surgery, it looks like it will be considered as NOT COVERED. Yesterday I was very bummed and frustrated about this whole thing. By the time a found another surgeon, everyone was gone for the day and I had to stew all night until this morning when I could make some calls.
It looks as if I will have to start from scratch. I found a surgeon, Dr. Mark Hausmann, on my insurance website and he is in-network. After some calls this morning, I found out that for general surgery he is in-network, but for bariatric surgery he is out-of-network. BUT... He will do the surgery at a hospital that is in network which Dr. Bellanger wouldn't do. That's ok...
I will have to do the psych eval and bloodwork again... which isn't so bad. I might not have to do the psych eval if he says it's ok... but the bloodwork will be required... I'm not worried about that though. I still have to see his internist which works there at the Lake so that's much more convenient than Dr. Melancon who is almost an hour away.
It looks like it's all going to work out for the better and I'll actually be coming out of pocket less. Thanks to all for the encouragement and well wishes!!!
5/16/07
Lots of updates in the last week... It's been crazy...
Yesterday morning, I got a call from my insurance company. The lady who called, I had left a message for her on Thursday of last week. She just returned my call yesterday...... She told me that had I not cancelled the request, they were going to approve everything IN-NETWORK!!! AAARRRGG... I talked it over with my husband to see what I should do and I decided to go back to Dr. B so that way I wouldn't have to start all over again. Dr. B's office is resending the request this morning so I'll call in a few days to see how fast that can be processed or if they will have to start from scratch all over again too..... I don't know whether to be excited or angry... mostly angry with myself that I'm not patient enough to let everything go through it's proper process. If I hadn't messed with all this then I would have been scheduling a date today rather than ranting on here!
I just got the confirmation from Dr. B's office that it's been sent so now it's back to waiting!!
5/18/07
So persistance does work!! I got the approval for the in-network status for Dr. B and Vista just now!!! I'm so excited... I'm one step closer to getting a date for my VSG!!! Now all they have to do is approve the procedure and I have to call on Monday to check the status on that. I am so happy right now!!!
That's all I got for the moment... I have a feeling I'll be posting something again soon!!!
5/23/07
FINALLY!!! I got an approval from my insurance company for the procedure!!! And I got a date!!! June 19th! I'm so excited! 27 days and counting down!!! I'm gonna be a loser!!!
5/26/07
I got my pre op appointment date for June 6th... Got everything worked out as far as someone keeping the girls... even for my appointment for the 6th. I told my DH that I have to see the Nut. while I'm there and he was all over it, calling whoever he could think of so he could come with me. I swear, I love my husband so much! He's been so awesome and supportive during this entire process... I know he's so sick of hearing me talk about everything I've learned, but he just sits there and listens patiently... He and I have been talking a little about him possibly doing the surgery too, maybe next year. The men in his family are notorious for having health problems and I'm always worried about his health, even though he's extremely healthy. I know that nothing in life is guaranteed, but I want to make sure we do everything that we can to insure that we get to grow old and wrinkly together! LOL!
Tracy is supposed to be sending me some stuff in the mail so after my pre op stuff all I have left is an appointment with Dr. Melancon. 24 days till surgery! It still doesn't seem real! I just can't wait to get it over with so I can start recovering.
Brightest blessings to all!!!
6/1/07
Well I got a call from Tracy on Tuesday telling me that there had been a cancelation on 6/5, so I took it!!! 4 more days!!! I went to see Dr. Melancon yesterday and I had all my pre-ops today. I was a little nervous about all the poking and prodding, but it was fine. I've got to get my head on straight though when it comes to eating better. I know I need to be eating healthier while I'm waiting for my surgery date on Tuesday, but I stopped by Papa Johns on my way home and picked up pizza for lunch
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